- Dylan: We're about to become the proud possessors of 2 million quid in useless notes because the queen doesn't like her picture. Jesus Christ, it's self, self, self for some people!
- [inside the night-club]
- Dylan: [seductively] I want to pleasure you with my tongue.
- [Georgie walks away in disgust. She sees Jez who has been waiting for her outside the night-club, dressed in his shorts after escaping from his "quick-release trousers"]
- Georgie: Hello.
- Jez: Hi.
- Georgie: This is a surprise.
- Jez: Yeah, isn't it.
- Georgie: What are you doing here? Was it Scouts tonight?
- Jez: No, no. I was just passing. Are you OK?
- Georgie: [unconvincingly] Yeah.
- Jez: Did he try to "pleasure you with his tongue"?
- Georgie: Is it that obvious?
- Jez: It's kind of a compulsion with him. He has to exchange fluids with everyone he meets. That's why we never have pets.
- Dylan: Would you allow me the pleasure of taking you to the theatre on Saturday night?
- Georgie: Do you ask all your secretaries to go to the theatre with you on their first date?
- Dylan: Actually, it's something of a tradition. Yes, I do.
- Georgie: Oh. Well, who am I to deprive an American of what little tradition he can get?
- Dylan: Now *that* is a thing of beauty.
- Jez: Who you're flirting with.
- Dylan: You fallen?
- Jez: No I haven't.
- Dylan: Jez, you've got a little bit of a crush? You're wasting your time.
- Jez: I know: you're good looking and I'm too technical.
- Dylan: Jez, you've got to stop punishing yourself. You're not too technical, just ugly, gross ugly.
- Friend of Lady Georgina: Well done! Marvellous race, Lady Georgina.
- Georgie: Oh thank you. Oh, I forgot to mention that.
- Jez: *Lady* Georgina?
- Georgie: You're not cross, are you? No, you're pleased.
- Dylan: Doctor, peer of the realm and with secretarial skills? Who'd be cross?
- Police detective: Sir, so far the only proof of a burglary is that someone stopped your video taping Blind Date.
- Mrs Ray: Bastards!
- Mr Ray: Oh, shut it!
- [Jez is discovered in the Rays' house. He tries to escape but Geoff catches hold of his trousers as he is climbing over the fence]
- Geoff: [gleefully] I've got you now, boy. I've got you now.
- [Jez presses a button on his waistband and shoots upwards and over the fence, minus his trousers]
- Jez: [to himself] All praise to my quick-release trousers.
- [filling in "complete the following phrase" coupons for prize draws]
- Jez: "In not more than eight words, explain why you buy Zappy Nappies."
- Dylan: "I buy Zappy Nappies for my kids..." Shit, I've run out of words.
- Jez: We could try that: "I buy Zappy Nappies for my kids' shit." I've got it: "Weighs less than a bun. Holds more than a ton."
- Dylan: That's completely disgusting.
- Jez: But it's honest.
- [Georgie is fast asleep next to Jez in the car]
- Dylan: You know, I can see it now - she's a stunningly attractive woman.
- Jez: It means she's relaxed in our company.
- Dylan: If she relaxes any more it could get very messy.
- Jez: Don't. She might hear you.
- Dylan: Jez, look at her. She's wasted. God only knows what she was up to last night.
- Jez: You're twisted. She's got charm and warmth and...
- Dylan: ...and neat little sit-up breasts.
- Jez: I was wondering... would you... perhaps you'd might consider... or... or think about... possibly...
- Dylan: I think he's trying to ask you if you'd like to kiss him.
- Georgie: Oh, go on then.
- [Jez and Georgie kiss passionately]
- Dylan: Has the British aristocracy lost all sense of decency?
- [sees Floss approaching]
- Dylan: I certainly hope so.