- Robin Simon: It's luck, Lee. No matter what the shrinks or the pundits or the self-help books tell you, when it comes to love, it's luck.
- Lee Simon: You are the most beautiful creature I've ever seen. I mean, every curve in your body fulfills its promise. If the universe has any meaning at all, I'm looking at it.
- Supermodel: You're so sweet.
- Robin Simon: How did I manage to swing this? Last year I was teaching English, performing a serious function. And suddenly, through a whirlwind series of events I've become a kind of woman I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- Exercise Tape Fan: Would you sign this? I use your exercise tape.
- Supermodel: You do?
- Exercise Tape Fan: So do I!
- Exercise Tape Fan: But I exercise to it.
- Father Gladden's Fan on Porch: Did you agree with the Beatles, years ago, at the height of their fame, that they were bigger stars than Jesus?
- Father Gladden: The world population was much less then.
- TV Reporter at Premiere: What's your next project?
- Dalton Freed: Birth Of A Nation, an all-black version.
- Nicole Oliver: I mean, I could never have intercourse with anyone other than Phil. My body belongs to my husband.
- Lee Simon: Listen, I understand and, you know, I - I...
- Nicole Oliver: What I do from the neck up, that's a different story.
- Tony Gardella: Tom Dale. *Big* star. He's in New York filming an adaptation of a sequel of a remake.
- Lee Simon: And you're, you're perfect. Do you have ANY flaws? I'm agog... with...
- Supermodel: Physically?
- Donald Trump: Well, I'm working on buying St. Patrick's Cathedral, maybe doing a little rip-down job and putting up a very very tall and beautiful building.
- [talking about Papadakis]
- Tony Gardella: He's very arty, pretentious, one of those assholes who shoots all his films in black and white.
- [sighting celebrities at a screening]
- Tony Gardella: Oh, and getting out of the elevator I see there's a famous critic.
- Robin Simon: Him, I recognize.
- Tony Gardella: Oh, he used to hate every movie. Then, he married a young, big-bosomed woman, and now he loves every movie.
- Supermodel: You're not afraid of catching germs? And you know, I'm coming down with a cold and everything...
- Lee Simon: From you I'd be willing to catch terminal cancer.
- Lee Simon: One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High and you f***ing blink and you're 40, you blink again and you can see movies at half price on a senior citizen's pass. Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately, ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- Robin's Friend Cheryl: So ironic. You go to get face work, you don't get face work, but you meet a wonderful guy, he changes your life, it's better than face work.
- Supermodel: I'm polymorphously perverse. It's not a flaw, it's just a weakness.
- Lee Simon: Polymorphously perverse? Meaning?
- Supermodel: Meaning every part of my body is - gives me sexual pleasure.
- Lee Simon: Meaning?
- Supermodel: Meaning every part of me give me erotic pleasure.
- Lee Simon: And how - sensitive does that make you?
- Supermodel: Well, if you touch my thighs, my hands, my neck, my kneecaps, I - I'm orgasmic.
- Dee Bartholomew: I ran into our Tony Gardello at the Cafe Carlyle. He had a blissed-out look like he had died and gone to heaven. How did you manage to put that smile on his face?
- Robin Simon: Using my head...
- Waiting Room Nurse: I'm sorry, the doctor just doesn't do penis enlargements. We don't have the space.
- Waiting Room Patient: We're talking about 3 inches here!
- Souvenir Hawker: They're all genuine ceramic, and we got this rubber bulb here, you squeeze this, fill it with some washable red vegetable dye, give it a squeeze, you can make his wounds bleed. Watch in the back, there. Isn't that something?
- Nicole Oliver: I remember my brothers, my brothers used to spy on me when I was taking a shower or they would like rub themselves up against me.
- Robin Simon: I wanted to learn it from someone who'd teach it to me - down and dirty. If you know what I mean.
- Nina - the Hooker: I'm just wondering where'd we begin?
- Robin Simon: How about oral sex? Because, you know, somehow I feel it - you know, it really doesn't come naturally to me. I feel it's labored. You know, I have trouble breathing, actually, and once a cap for my tooth fell off and I swallowed it.
- Nina - the Hooker: Do you enjoy it?
- Robin Simon: I certainly don't mind it.
- Nina - the Hooker: Do you enjoy it? Well, what goes through your mind when you're doing it?
- Robin Simon: The crucifixion. I can't help it. It's my upbringing.
- Nina - the Hooker: Okay. All right. Well, look, why don't you just show me how you do it. Go ahead.
- Robin Simon: Now?
- Nina - the Hooker: Yeah, go ahead. Take the banana and give me your best blow job. Go ahead. Yeah, yeah. Go ahead. Down the hatch.
- [Robin demonstrates]
- Nina - the Hooker: Oh, my God. Have you ever injured him?
- Nola: I've told David many times that I need someone who can take control of me and I don't think he can do it.
- Greg - Off-Off Broadway Director: Don't overplay the lust, you know.
- Nola: She's such a carnivore, you know.
- Greg - Off-Off Broadway Director: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did you want to have a drink?
- Nola: I feel like I know where she's coming from now. But, she's such a contradictory character.
- Greg - Off-Off Broadway Director: Look, this contraction is good, just don't contradict yourself when you play it. Just one thing at a time and trust it.
- Robin Simon: There wouldn't be any ticks around here, would there? I mean, I'd hate to get Lyme disease.
- Priest at Catholic Retreat: We've had no casualties, so far.
- Director: Nicole, thank you, so much. That was amazing. That was so compelling. Your body language. It's just - it's just emotional. Everything you do. Thank you. Now I know why you make the big bucks. It's because you make me look so great. Thank you.
- Director: And action! Yes. Faster, faster, faster. You're moving like a zombie. Come on. Yes. Okay, hit the mark. Now, look up. Come on. Come on. And, good. Good, good.
- Director: What I need from you - what I want - what I want is to feel the whole human condition. You know - you know what I'm saying?
- Jan - Robin's Friend: When my husband left me for his secretary, I was lost. And someone said, "You're Catholic. You were raised a Catholic. How could you even contemplate a hit man?" And they told me about this retreat.
- Robin Simon: But, I'm not religious.
- Jan - Robin's Friend: Nor am I. You think I lead a religious life? I have two divorces and two abortions. But, just to take a break from the chaos of the city to reflect.
- Nicole Oliver: I had this whole wall here plastered with movie star photos. Yeah, and I would dream about being in a movie with Warren Beatty.
- Lee Simon: What a nice dream.
- Nicole Oliver: Yeah. And I remember I used to lay on my bed, naked, and watch my body develop.
- Lee Simon: Naked.
- Nicole Oliver: And I would *pray* that my breasts and my legs would be beautiful so that I could be an actress.
- Lee Simon: You know, you got a very erotic figure reclining like that. I have to say that.
- Nicole Oliver: Well, fortunately I did mature quickly.
- Bill Gaines: I'm Nicole's press agent.
- Lee Simon: Okay.
- Bill Gaines: Look, if you could, let's, you know, not draw on the bulimia.
- Bruce Bishop: So, Oscar gets this commission to do this clock tower in a shopping mall and what does he propose? An eight story penis. I'm not kidding.