Perfect Assassins

Watching this disaster, I think I must've said "I can't believe that I'm still watching this" about fifty times. I'm supposed to believe that the guy from Mannequin is tough? HAH! And Robert Patrick, shame on you! In this film, Evil T-100 you ain't.

I would've rated this movie a "1," but it was comically bad. Too bad MST3K isn't in production anymore - this one's prime material.

...from the train, and almost all the way through the part where Ben (Andrew McCarthy, playing the FBI agent) is telling Billy's (Aaron Lohr, playing the really bad guy) sister (Portia de Rossi, playing the sister) about his mom dying because he was put in a room with an electric doorknob. Now, this was my second time viewing the movie. The first time it was on I wasn't able to pay much attention to it, but was able to catch the premise, and I made a mental note to watch it again and pay attention. Big mistake! Sure, it starts out OK, but when Billy's sister gets in there, it becomes completely implausible. In a matter of minutes we get... 1) FBI agent enters secure room to interview really bad guy and sister just walks in. 2) FBI agent gets in a pushing match with sister, totally ignores really bad guy, who escapes. 3) FBI agent jumps into car to chase really bad guy and sister gets in the back. 4) FBI agent gets into helicopter to chase really bad guy and sister gets in it. 5) FBI agent has a choice, chase running really bad guy or help fellow agent stuck in truck on railroad tracks with train coming. Sister says screw fellow agent and chase really bad guy.

I have a bit of a confession to make. I kinda sorta got to liking Aaron Lohr a couple months back. Unfortunately the first thing I saw him in consciously knowing it was him was the VH1 movie about The Monkees and...well...he made me mad in it because, let's face it, he didn't fill the part of Micky Dolenz. Sorry good buddy.

But I decided to give him another chance. So I picked up this movie to see what it may be like and to see Robert Patrick again other than an evil shape-shifting robot like in T2. Let me tell you, this movie made me feel so much better after the VH1 movie. It was so awful that I was laughing my head off. Funny though, I found it in the Adventure section of the store and not Comedy. The plot was terrible, the story was that worthy of late Sunday Night Sci-Fi Channel and the acting was...well, take a guess at it. I'd just like to thank this movie for giving me the biggest laugh I'd had in a good couple months. Sorry Aaron ol' pal. My advise is stick to musicals and dancing and the Gap commercials, not this.

When Dr Ben Carroway (McCarthy) is involved in an assassination where the killers commit suicide once trapped he finds that the killers have no criminal record. However they are all registered missing children and sets on a journey with one of the killer's sister (Portia de Rossi) and a mob hitman (Robert Patrick).

This is not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Usually anything with Andrew McCarthy in the lead is the equivalent of the kiss of death, but here he seems to have done alright here. The action scenes are fast moving and have a quota of tension, even the gunfights etc are exciting if a little far fetched at times. The main strength here is the plot, it starts out a little unbelievable but once it starts moving you forget the problems and see the bigger picture. The story holds several little twists and turns that hold the interest well, and the final resolution tidies up the problems of the unbelievable story by offering a solution that isn't that far-fetched (in fact depressingly possible). Nick Mancuso's Dr Greely is far too hammy and is bordering on a bad spoof of a bond villain, but happily he doesn't drag the surrounding film down with him.

McCarthy is pretty good as the hero and only the plot makes his job harder by making it all too personal and relying on too many coincidences. Patrick is as good as he usually is, albeit he's lumbered with the wise-cracking mobster but he still is entertaining. Rossi (best known for Ally McBeal) does well at first as the sister of a stolen child, but her sudden transformation into a gun-toting fearless warrior is a little too much to swallow.

Overall this is much better than you'd expect from this type of DTV film, the plot is a little far-fetched at times but the drama and action make up for the lack of realism.

I believe that I just watched this movie on HBO (11/13)under the name "Perfect Assassins" The following is the copy from the DirectTV description:

Other. Andrew McCarthy, Robert Patrick, Nick Mancuso. (1998) Ruthless terrorists battle an FBI specialist and may be linked to his past. (AC,AL,V) Not Rated - Content

Basically, someone has been turning children into killers and conditioning them as animals in some bizarre experiment. Nick Mancuso also stars in this movie as the antagonist, a psychotic behavioral scientist. Quite a few implausible scenes if you could buy into the premise itself. Some decent action but all in all not a very well done movie.

It's something to watch when you find you have 50 channels and nothing on. That's how I found it. Then I got curious about the leading lady. She now plays Nell on Ally McBeal. When I realized who she was, that pretty much served as the only excitement this movie offered.

There was a vague effort at an X-files-esque conspiracy ending that failed miserably. Still nothing is as bad as "Yor-The Hunter From The Future", my vote for worst picture ever.