- Geraldine Ferguson: What's your real name?
- Columbo: Lieutenant Columbo.
- Geraldine Ferguson: Your first name.
- Columbo: Lieutenant.
- Sheila Byrnes: [speaking on payphone] If it's Thursday night, it's a 'no.' Why can't you make it for-
- [gunshots]
- Sheila Byrnes: [sighs] I have to hang up, Thelma. They're shooting upstairs.
- Geraldine Ferguson: What happened to the other guy?
- Columbo: What other guy?
- Geraldine Ferguson: The guy that's been here three or four thousand times in the past few months. He's about yay tall, no neck, lots of muscle, looks like the guy that played in "Rocky". He told me his name was Al Randolph the first time he came in. Then he forgot what he told me, and he said his name was Al Reinhart the second time around. Is he a cop too?
- Columbo: Neither of us are cops.
- Geraldine Ferguson: Mr. Stark.
- Columbo: Stokes.
- Geraldine Ferguson: Just checking.
- Mo Weinberg: [Columbo knocks on his apartment door] Just a minute! I'm in the bathroom!
- [Columbo takes out a notebook and pencil and writes]
- Mo Weinberg: [hides behind the door with a gun] Come in. It's open.
- [the piece of paper Columbo wrote on slips through the door. The piece of paper reads, "You're a horse's ass"]
- Columbo: [kicks the door open and bursts in] Drop the gun! Move over there!
- [closes the door]
- Columbo: What were you gonna do? Hit me in the head and steal my piece of the photo?
- Mo Weinberg: No. I wasn't gonna hit you on the head.
- Columbo: No? Not in the head? Where? In the knee?
- Mo Weinberg: I wasn't gonna hit you anywhere.
- Columbo: What we're you gonna do, shoot me?
- Mo Weinberg: You kidding? No.
- Columbo: Not shoot me. That's how you greet people? Hide behind the door with a gun?
- Mo Weinberg: I thought you were someone else.
- Columbo: Mo, you had an accident to your head when you were a kid, or you were born retarded?
- Mo Weinberg: Why are you insulting me?
- Columbo: You're insulting me, with your lying!
- Mo Weinberg: Hey, loosen up, pal! What's your problem?
- Columbo: You want to make two million?
- Mo Weinberg: Yeah!
- Columbo: So do I! Here, your gun. Do we shake hands all over again?
- Mo Weinberg: I'd like to.
- [they shake hands]
- Columbo: Let's see your piece of the picture.
- Mo Weinberg: Let's see yours.
- Columbo: Oh, the mutual faith and trust society.
- Mo Weinberg: Okay. We'll do it together.
- [they both take out their pieces of the picture]
- Mo Weinberg: Is that Firth's piece?
- Columbo: Yeah. I got it from Firth.
- Mo Weinberg: Oh, we're gonna be good partners. Look at this. They fit. And now the names.
- Columbo: Eugene Edward Ehrbach.
- Mo Weinberg: Geraldine Ferguson.
- Columbo: Ehrbach's dead.
- Mo Weinberg: What? What the hell? What're you're...
- Columbo: He was killed Wednesday. The cops found him...
- Mo Weinberg: Dead?
- Columbo: Yep.
- Mo Weinberg: What is this, a double-cross or what?
- Columbo: You're gonna have to learn to calm down.
- Mo Weinberg: Calm down! I'm gonna bust you're head, that's what I'm gonna do!
- Detective Sgt. Arthur Brown: And uhh... what do you plan to do, now that you're wearing that expensive suit?
- Columbo: Today is Sunday. So I'll go to church.