- [Mr. Furious tries to balance a hammer on his head]
- Mr. Furious: Why am I doing this, again?
- The Sphinx: When you can balance a tack hammer on your head, you will head off your foes with a balanced attack.
- Mr. Furious: And why am I wearing the watermelon on my feet?
- The Sphinx: [looks at the watermelon on Mr. Furious' feet] I don't remember telling you to do that.
- The Blue Raja: Sorry, but am I to understand you've inserted your father's skull inside of that ball for bowling?
- The Bowler: No, the guy at the pro shop did it.
- Mr. Furious: Okay, am I the only one who finds these sayings just a little bit formulaic? "If you want to push something down, you have to pull it up. If you want to go left, you have to go right." It's...
- The Sphinx: Your temper is very quick, my friend. But until you learn to master your rage...
- Mr. Furious: ...your rage will become your master? That's what you were going to say. Right? Right?
- The Sphinx: Not necessarily.
- The Bowler: [to her father's skull, after avenging his death] OK, now I'm going back to graduate school. That was the agreement.
- [the trio talks about recruiting more heroes for the team]
- The Blue Raja: Well, there's The Sphinx, of course.
- Mr. Furious: The what?
- The Blue Raja: The Sphinx.
- The Shoveller: I know this guy. Big crime-fighter from down South. Big-league hitter down there.
- Mr. Furious: What's his power?
- The Blue Raja: Well, he's terribly mysterious.
- Mr. Furious: [dismissively] That's it? That's his power? He's mysterious?
- The Blue Raja: Well, TERRIBLY mysterious.
- The Shoveller: Plus he can, like, cut guns in half with his mind.
- Mr. Furious: [talking about Carmine the Bowler] Seems there was a little controversy there regarding your father's death.
- The Bowler: Yes, the police said he fell down an elevator shaft. Onto some bullets.
- The Blue Raja: You know, I've alwas suspected a bit of foul play there.
- The Bowler: As have I.
- Mr. Furious: I'm a Pantera's box you do not wanna open.
- Casanova Frankenstein: It is "Pandora."
- Mr. Furious: Please don't correct me, it sickens me.
- Invisible Boy: [after becoming invisible for a moment and reappearing naked] I'm invisible. Can you see me?
- The Blue Raja, The Shoveller, Mr. Furious, The Sphinx, The Bowler, The Spleen: Yes!
- Mr. Furious: Wow.
- The Blue Raja: Two hands there, son.
- [Invisible Boy covers up]
- The Bowler: Maybe you should put some shorts on or something, if you want to keep fighting evil today.
- The Shoveller: If we had a billionaire like Lance Hunt as our benefactor... yeah, we could spend a hundred and fifty.
- Mr. Furious: That's because Lance Hunt IS Captain Amazing!
- The Blue Raja: Oh, here we go...
- The Shoveller: Don't start that AGAIN. Lance Hunt wears glasses. Captain Amazing DOESN'T wear glasses.
- Mr. Furious: He takes them off when he transforms...
- The Shoveller: That doesn't make any sense. He wouldn't be able to see!
- Mr. Furious: They must have ripped the "Q" section out of my dictionary, 'cause I don't know the meaning of the word "quit".
- The Spleen: Why are you guys always dissing me? It hurts my feelings. I'm a superhero too. I have powers.
- Invisible Boy: Really? Like what?
- The Spleen: So glad you asked. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Well, it all started when I was just 13 years of age. One day, while walking with some friends, I accidentally cut the cheese. Well, in my adolescent awkwardness, I blamed it on an old gypsy woman who happened to be passing by. BIG MISTAKE! The gypsy woman placed a curse upon my head. Because I smelled it, she decreed I would forevermore BE HE WHO DEALT IT!
- [the Mystery Men have accidentally killed Capt. Amazing]
- The Blue Raja: Oh my god. Oh my god, we killed him.
- [the Shoveller is standing on the other side of the room]
- The Shoveller: What do you mean *we*? I was standing right here.
- Dr. Heller: If you're gonna bust into that mansion, you're gonna need more than a station wagon.
- Mr. Furious: At the auto yard, there's this old Herkimer Battle Jitney. Sally's always telling me to junk it!
- Dr. Heller: Wait! You have a Herkimer Battle Jitney? That's the finest nonlethal military vehicle ever made!
- The Shoveller: Come on, somebody do something, we need him.
- The Bowler: Okay. Okay, let's do this. You're a very furious man, do you understand that?
- Mr. Furious: No.
- The Bowler: No? Well you've got a lot to be furious about, and I'll tell you why: You're not well-liked. You're uh, you're abrasive and off-putting. You try and say pithy things, but your wit is a hindrance and so, therefore nothing is provocative. Just mixed metaphors. Now, doesn't that make you angry? Does it infuriate you?
- Mr. Furious: No.
- The Bowler: Well, it should. Aren't you angry? Come on, man!
- The Shoveller: Your penmanship is atrocious!
- The Sphinx: You dress in the manner of a male prostitute!
- The Shoveller: Watch it, Spleen, you're going to kill someone with that thing!
- Dr. Heller: Oh, no, no, no. All these weapons are completely non-lethal.
- The Bowler: Wow. How wonderfully eccentric while simultaneously being a complete waste of our time. Good day, sir. I say good day.
- Vic Weems: I think, right now, we should focus on the positive. Tonight was good.
- Capt. Amazing: Yeah? You think so? Cause I was worried it was, um, I don't know... PATHETIC! "Amazing triumphs at a nursing home"? That's great copy, Vic!
- Vic Weems: Look, I'm a publicist, not a magician. You want big news, you have to have big fights. A superhero needs a supervillain - and thanks to you, we've got none left.
- Capt. Amazing: Then get... the Death Man!
- Vic Weems: Death Man is dead.
- Capt. Amazing: Okay... Father Doom!
- Vic Weems: Life without parole. Apocalypto's doing fifty years. Armagezzmo's in exile. Baron von Chaos got the chair...
- Capt. Amazing: Really?
- Vic Weems: Casanova Frankenstein is locked up in a nut-house.
- Capt. Amazing: Casanova Frankenstein - now there was a supervillain! You know, he just... he's got those eyes, you know? I can't do it, but... and that voice! Such pure evil! The battles we used to have - extraordinary!
- Vic Weems: "Used to." That's the problem, Captain. "Used to."
- [Mr. Furious, the Blue Raja, and the Shoveller are sneaking across Frankenstein's property to undertake some reconnaissance]
- Mr. Furious: Shh! Wait! Hear that? We must have hit a trip-wire. It could be a proton eviscerator heating up.
- The Shoveller: It could be a cybernetic atom scrambler. They target moving objects.
- The Blue Raja: It sounds more like a heat-seeking anthrax projection gun to me. Quickly, cover your mouths.
- Mr. Furious: No, let's bolt! Come on!
- The Shoveller: No! Don't move.
- The Blue Raja: Don't breathe!
- Mr. Furious: Let's bolt!
- The Shoveller: Don't move!
- The Blue Raja: Don't breathe!
- Mr. Furious: Let's bolt!
- The Shoveller: Don't move!
- [a sprinkler system turns on and the three are soaked]
- The Shoveller: [disgustedly] Ohh, it's the sprinkler.
- [the Spleen walks to the Bowler making kissing noises and clicks tongue]
- The Bowler: There's not enough beer in the world, Spleen, I'm sorry.
- The Shoveller: All right, I'll take point, you two flank. Let's triangulate.
- The Spleen: Equilateral or isosceles?
- The Shoveller: This is egg salad. It's loaded with cholesterol, the wife won't even let me touch it. It hardly seems to matter now 'cause, chances are, we're already dead. Amazing is gone, there's no use waiting for the cavalry, because as of this moment, the cavalry is *us*!
- Mr. Furious: Rage... taking over...
- Casanova Frankenstein: Ya, ya, ya. Ve've heard all that before.
- Mr. Furious: [Furious' face is all red] No, no, no. Rage... *really* taking over...
- Mr. Furious: [as the Blue Raja and the Shoveller walk away] Well here I thought I was with a couple of real superheroes, the Shoveller and the Blue Raja! But really, it's Lazy Boy and... and... the recliner! Lazy Boy and the Recliner!
- Mr. Furious: Hey, I was wondering... have you seen my address book?
- The Shoveller: What did it look like?
- Mr. Furious: Uh, it's denim. Says 'hang loose' on it. Picture of a kitten.
- Invisible Boy: [Listing superheroes he has met] Let me see, who else have I met? There's The Pincer, The Pickler, Princess Headbutt, um... White Flight And The Black Menace - they work together.
- The Shoveller: Captain, I'm just going to ask you directly. Do you know billionaire Lance Hunt?
- Capt. Amazing: [whispers] It's me.
- [the Shoveller looks surprised, and Capt. Amazing laughs]
- Capt. Amazing: Naw, I'm kidding with you, I've always wanted to do that.
- The Bowler: [about to toss her father's skull into the doomsday device] Dad, this is the way it has to be. The upshot is you won't be killed because you're already dead.
- Dr. Heller: It's a psychofrakulator. It creates a cloud of radically-fluctuating free-deviant chaotrons which penetrate the synaptic relays. It's concatenated with a synchronous transport switch that creates a virtual tributary. It's focused onto a biobolic reflector and what happens is that hallucinations become reality and the brain is literally fried from within.
- [Mr Furious recommends a publicist for him and his friends]
- The Shoveller: What are we gonna publicise, Roy? The fact that we get our butts kicked, a lot?
- Mr. Furious: Well, maybe if you didn't smack me in the face with a shovel every time we went out, we'd have a few more victories to brag about.
- The Shoveller: All right now, I'm sorry about that. I just have a tendency to lose my concentration when I've got a salad fork stuck in my rear end.
- The Blue Raja: Oh, oh I get it, so YOUR shovel in HIS face is MY fault?
- The Shoveller: You threw a spoon at the guy, Jeff!
- Mr. Furious: Yeah, what was up with that?
- The Blue Raja: I, I, I am embarrassed about that. I thought it was a fork.
- The Shoveller: You're the master of cutlery. You couldn't throw a knife sometimes when someone's trying to kill me?
- The Blue Raja: No, I can't! You couldn't, uh, use a rake sometimes?
- The Shoveller: No. I'm the Shoveler.
- The Blue Raja: Well, I'm the Blue Raja. I'm not Stab Man, I'm not Knifey Boy - I'm the Blue Raja.
- Mr. Furious: Yeah, that's another thing...
- The Blue Raja: What?
- Mr. Furious: Well, you could work a little blue into the uniform somewhere. I mean you've got green, you've got this little flowery thing going on, but it's like everything BUT blue.
- The Blue Raja: Well, if we could just step out of our literal minds, just for a moment...
- [last lines]
- [to the news reporters]
- The Shoveller: Excuse me, could I say something? I think we would all like this victory to go out to all the other guys, and I'm talking about the people in this city who are super good at their jobs but never get any credit. Like the lady in the DMV - that's a rough job.
- Invisible Boy: To the people that remember jingles from tons of old commercials.
- The Bowler: And uh, uh, people that support local music and seek out independent film.
- The Shoveller: And the guy that drives the snow-plow. And the school nurse, that's a...
- Mr. Furious: Eddie, Eddie, I think they got the point.
- Becky Beaner: What's the name of this group?
- Invisible Boy: The Super Dudes!
- The Bowler: No, no, no, not the Super Dudes.
- Mr. Furious: We're not the Super Dudes. We don't have a name yet, but we're definitely not the Super Dudes.
- The Shoveller: I gotta get home, it's late...
- [a photojournalist approaches]
- The Bowler: Picture, picture time!
- Becky Beaner: Well, whatever you call them, Champion City will forever owe a debt of gratitude to these mystery men.
- The Sphinx: Wait! Wait, that's it!... We are the Super Squad.
- The Bowler: No, no! Alliteration in these situations is corny... What?
- [She opens her bag, where Carmine sits smouldering]
- The Bowler: Yes, we're all very aware that you saved the day, and I'm sure we'll be hearing about it for the rest of our lives...
- Dr. Heller: That's a high-temperature fabric adhesive liquid projector, based on simple dry-cleaning technology. You aim that at a guy, and I'll tell you something: his clothes get so tight he can't even breathe. I can trick that out with a cIamshell hoIster. Comes with a Ieather carrying-case. It's got a wad cutter, and a full warranty.
- The Shoveller: We struck down evil with the mighty sword of teamwork and the hammer of not bickering.
- Monica: I don't find you threatening.
- Mr. Furious: Oh! Well, you're very, uh... you're very, uh... kind.
- Monica: At all.
- The Shoveller: Lucille, God gave me a gift. I shovel well. I shovel very well.
- Lucille: Honey, you shovel better than any man I've ever known, but that does not make you a superhero.
- [the Shoveller starts to say something, but Lucille cuts him off]
- Lucille: No, listen to me. You're a good husband, and a good father. But that's all. Nothing more.
- [she walks off, a small boy hugs the Shoveller's leg]
- Roland, The Shoveler's Son: I believe in you, Daddy!
- Lucille: [calling] Roland, do NOT encourage your father!
Contribute to this page
Suggest an edit or add missing content
