Bruce McCulloch credited as playing...
Carl Bernstein
- [First lines]
- The Interviewer: In 1974, President Richard Nixon resigned in disgrace amid the Watergate Scandal. One of the great mysteries of the twentieth century pertains to the identity of 'Deep Throat', the inside source who leaked the information to the Washington Post. Who is 'Deep Throat'? Tonight, my guests will answer that question. Bob Woodward, Carl Bernstein, the Post reporters who broke the story oh so many years ago. Good to see you. Nice to have you here.
- Carl Bernstein: Hi.
- Bob Woodward: Thank you for having us.
- The Interviewer: Let's just get right to it: Who is 'Deep Throat'?
- Bob Woodward: Well, first of all we're not telling you. Uh, second of all, I was under the impression that I was going to be the only guest tonight.
- Carl Bernstein: Well I guess you're not, Bob.
- The Interviewer: You know, you guys are getting pretty old now...
- Carl Bernstein: So what's your point with that?
- The Interviewer: Well, I guess I'm just wondering are you *ever* going to tell *anybody* who 'Deep Throat' is before you die.
- Bob Woodward: Well, a lot bigger names than you have asked us who 'Deep Throat' is. So...
- Carl Bernstein: I don't think we'd reveal it on a little tiny show like this one here.
- The Interviewer: Do you know what I think? I mean, I'm just, I'm just gonna come right out and say it. I don't think there is any such person as 'Deep Throat'. I think y'all just made it up.
- Carl Bernstein: Yes there is! 'Deep Throat' is...
- Bob Woodward: [shouts] Don't say it! He's trying to trick us!
- Carl Bernstein: [Bernstein covers his mouth and moans in horror before putting his hand on Woodward's shoulder] I'm sorry...
- Bob Woodward: [Woodward slaps away Bernstein's hand] Don't *ever* touch me.
- Carl Bernstein: Bob, I said I'm sorry!
- [Woodward and Bernstein begin to fight childishly]
- Bob Woodward: Don't you *ever*... you smell like cabbage!
- [the two men fall out of their chairs, causing the clip to cut out; the movie starts]
- Betsy Jobs: What names?
- Carl Bernstein: The names! The information!
- Bob Woodward: Listen, people are counting on you!
- Betsy Jobs: Well, look, you two are the big-shot reporters. Can't you figure anything out for yourselves?
- Carl Bernstein: What about that list from CREEP? How could you let your dog eat it? You're ruining my life!
- Arlene Lorenzo: We have a very important school report on turquoise jewelry due in two days and we can't find any books on it. It's too much pressure.
- Betsy Jobs: Just leave us alone!
- Bob Woodward: What are you doing here?
- Carl Bernstein: I came to make sure you were all right.
- Bob Woodward: You did not! You're trying to horn in on my source.
- Carl Bernstein: How come you get to meet Deep Throat? I'm the one who actually saw that movie.