Stigmata (1999)

Portia de Rossi: Jennifer Kelliho

Quotes 

• Frankie : Hi.

  Father Andrew Kiernan : Hello

  Frankie : You have an appointment, or...

  Father Andrew Kiernan : No, I don't.

  Frankie : Well, would you like a haircut, a manicure, or maybe you'd like to have your nipples pierced?

  Father Andrew Kiernan : [chuckles]  Well, maybe if we start with a trim, we could go from there. Thank you.

  Frankie : Come on. Have a seat. All right, here we go.

  [puts barber cape on Andrew] 

  Frankie : I'm gonna put this cape on so you don't get your scratchy neck.

  Father Andrew Kiernan : Oh, thank you.

  Frankie : So, where are you from.

  Father Andrew Kiernan : I live in Rome, actually.

  Frankie : Oh, cool.

  Father Andrew Kiernan : And you?

  Frankie : I'm from Naples.

  Father Andrew Kiernan : Ah! Naples.

  Frankie : Mmm-hmm

  Father Andrew Kiernan : [speaks italian]  Naples.

  Frankie : Naples, Florida.

  Father Andrew Kiernan : Oh!

  Frankie : I moved here to go to school.

  Father Andrew Kiernan : Which school?

  Frankie : [points to certificate]  Claudia's University of Cosmetology. See, I'm'm accredited.

  Father Andrew Kiernan : Oh, Cool.

  Jennifer Kelliho : [to Donna]  Am I going crazy or is Frankie hitting on a priest

  Frankie : What do I call you? I feel kind of weird calling a guy I could date "Father." Uhh, I mean, I couldn't date you, but... You know.

  Father Andrew Kiernan : Oh, no, no, no, you just made my day. Thank you. You can call me Andrew. Andrew Kiernan, that's my name.

  Frankie : [after long pause; mouths Donna's name]  I know this is gonna sound kind of strange, but I've sort of been expecting you.

• Jennifer Kelliho : [talking about her date]  So uh.. he seemed pretty cool. Divorced, but no kids. But he left the table in the middle of dinner to call his mother in Oregon. Yeah you know, I.. I thought I'd give him a shot. But you won't believe what he did. Every single time he took a bite of his steak, he growled!

• Donna Chadway : So Jen, tell us about your date.

  Jennifer Kelliho : It was with a tax lawyer.

• Jennifer Kelliho : [Frankie has just entered for work]  How you feeling?

  Frankie : Fine.

  Donna Chadway : Really okay or just okay?

  Frankie : I'm fine. So how's my day looking?

  Donna Chadway : Well, I started your first client, and you're booked solid until 7:00.

  Frankie : Thanks.

  [to her client] 

  Frankie : Wanna come over here? Okay, well, go back to Jen and dish the dirt.

• Donna Chadway : Hey... Frankie

  Jennifer Kelliho : Hey Frankie.

  Cheryl : Hey Frankie

  Frankie Paige : [after a long pause,takes off her parka jacket]  Hey I feel like I should do a monologue or something. Hey, Cheryl come on over here and have a seat I'll just be a second.

  Cheryl : Um, you know what I think I'm just going to wait for Donna.

  Frankie Paige : Ok.

  Jennifer Kelliho : [whispering]  What's going on with her.

  Donna Chadway : She wants to get a second opinion, I think she might have epilepsy.

  Jennifer Kelliho : Epilepsy? She doesn't look too good. Why is she even at work?

  Frankie Paige : Hey would you guys stop whispering, like this was a goddamn church!