- Lecturer Father: Today we want to take up the study of the development of the child's character, from infancy up until... well, whenever the character is formed. In some cases, this does not occur until the child is - hehehe - 35 or 40 years old.
- [first lines]
- Lecturer Father: Now, I want to make this meeting of the parents' association as informal as possible, so I want you to interrupt me with questions whenever you see fit... Maybe not interrupt, exactly - but, uh... ask nicely whenever the occasion offers.
- Lecturer Father: The first way in which a father can impress the baby with his authority is to start the day out with him in the right mood. The average father's mental state is likely to be one of fear - especially lifting the child out of the crib. There are several ways of lifting a baby out of a crib without strangling it or dropping it - but none of them appears practical to begin with.
- [last lines]
- Lecturer Father: So we see that all during the early stages of the child's career, a special attention to the best educational principles will make the parent not only more self-reliant, all from imagination, but better able to perform his duties as a citizen.
- Lecturer Father: The use of bath salts in a baby bath is frowned on, as tending to make him effeminate. But if the child seems to be a healthy specimen, a few little luxuries won't do him any harm. In fact, it may keep him from becoming gloomy and morose, and might even tend to toughen him up.