Drew Carey credited as playing...
Self - Host • Self
- Drew Carey: Now let's go on to a game called "African Chant". As we know, Africa's a big country...
- [Greg starts laughing]
- Greg Proops: Or a *continent*, if you're a geographer.
- Drew Carey: [Scenes from a hat] Bad causes to raise money for.
- Ryan Stiles: Give Drew Carey a third show? Anyone?
- Colin Mochrie: Bathe the whales!
- Drew Carey: Bad places to find advertising.
- [Ryan pantomimes looking over Colin while he's peeing]
- Drew Carey: Must not have had a lot to say...
- [audience boos]
- Drew Carey: I regret saying that, because the next card says "Little known, but amazing facts about Drew Carey".
- Colin Mochrie: I have no sense of length.
- Wayne Brady: When I'm with a woman, I go "Wooooooooo!"
- Ryan Stiles: Did you know at first Drew Carey turned *down* the role of Geppetto?
- Greg Proops: [Hats, in a rabbit mask] I'm not into protection
- Drew Carey: Say it again... I don't think they heard you.
- Greg Proops: Oh, could no one hear me? Maybe it's because of this fucking mask I'm wearing.
- Drew Carey: Famous movie roles as played by Carol Channing
- Ryan Stiles: I know what you're thinking. Did I fire seven shots or six? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this confusion, I forgotten myself. So you have to ask yourself one question. Do you feel lucky? Well do you, punk?
- Robin Williams: Well surely you must be the son of God!
- Ryan Stiles: I'm Spartacus!
- Drew Carey: If celebrities had been the first people to walk on the moon.
- Brad Sherwood: One small step for man, one giant leap for me, Brad Sherwood. How are ya?
- Drew Carey: [as Brad sets off-stage] Sorry, I said... I said, "celebrities."
- Brad Sherwood: Oh, I'm sorry.
- [the audience groans, then he starts whining]
- Brad Sherwood: That was mean!
- Wayne Brady: [as Michael Jackson, moonwalking] Hooo!
- Colin Mochrie: Where's my car?
- Ryan Stiles: [as Carol Channing] Well this is dry and barren as I am.
- [Scenes from a hat]
- Drew Carey: Okay. Let's start out with...
- [pulls out paper]
- Drew Carey: No... no.
- [puts paper back and picks a new one]
- Drew Carey: "Bad choices for pets."
- Brad Sherwood: Here velocipraptor! Here velo-
- [Colin comes and pretends to bite his neck]
- Ryan Stiles: [whistles] Where's my little tapeworm? Huh?
- Drew Carey: Okay.
- [clears throat]
- Drew Carey: "Strange things to find in your bed."
- Wayne Brady: Colin?
- [Colin pops his head up]
- Wayne Brady: Ahhhhhhh!
- Colin Mochrie: Teach me how to sing like you!
- Ryan Stiles: [Ryan pops his head up] What's his problem?
- Colin Mochrie: I don't know!
- Drew Carey: Oh, okay. Uh, "dangerous things to do while you are naked."
- Brad Sherwood: Honey, bring out the steaks. I'm gonna light the barbeque.
- Colin Mochrie: [sighs] Okay.
- [Colin starts to pretend to throw chain saws into the air and juggle them]
- Ryan Stiles: 5 minutes, Mr. President.
- Drew Carey: [laughs] Okay.
- [reads card]
- Drew Carey: Oh, boy. "Baby names that will someday get your child's ass kicked."
- Ryan Stiles: Oh, is Kick-My-Ass Hungry?
- Colin Mochrie: Come here... Colin.
- [Wayne and Brad pretend to go beat him up]
- Drew Carey: Okay. "Little known facts about our host, Drew Carey."
- Ryan Stiles: What kind of middle name is "Alison?"
- Drew Carey: "Things you wished you hadn't said to the president."
- Colin Mochrie: Sure, I'll be your intern.
- Brad Sherwood: [acts like he's holding out a tray] Cigarette? Cigar? Anyone?
- Ryan Stiles: [as if getting married] I do.
- Drew Carey: Hey! Don't go away! There'll be lots of more Whose Line right after this!
- Drew Carey: [Scenes from a Hat] Bad first lines of medical ads.
- Colin Mochrie: Ever wonder how food becomes poo?
- Greg Proops: Been decapitated recently?
- [Ryan accidentally rammed his head into a light fixture]
- Drew Carey: Hey, Ryan, how many fingers am I holding up?
- [Holds up fingers and constantly moves them]
- Ryan Stiles: ...4?
- Drew Carey: [puts down his fingers] Uh, close enough,
- Ryan Stiles: How about me?
- [flips Drew off, the audience laughs]
- Ryan Stiles: There better be some extra points in this.
- Drew Carey: [points to broken glass on the front of the desk] I'm sorry, we spent all the points replacing the glass.
- Ryan Stiles: [points to glass, to Colin] Was that lit?
- Colin Mochrie: Oh, yeah, it was. It'd be better if your head burst into flames.
- Drew Carey: I'd like to give a plug for Ryan's new show. It's a combination of "What's Happening," "Hangin' With Mr. Cooper," "The Outer Limits" and "The PJs." It's called "What's that Hangin' Out of Your PJs?"
- Ryan Stiles: Watch for it.
- Drew Carey: So if you want to be on "Whose Line it is Anyway?" send a naked Polaroid of yourself to the care of 'Whose Line' Po Box: 175.
- Chip Esten: That's how I got on.
- Drew Carey: [scenes from a hat] Things you do not want to hear your grandmother singing about.
- Wayne Brady: [singing] Grandma likes to get freaky in the mornin', freaky at night! Freaky on the left...
- [buzz]
- Greg Proops: [singing] Grandpa doesn't touch me anymore!
- [buzz]
- Ryan Stiles: [singing] Oh, I put rat poison in the Christmas dinner.
- [buzzer; extreme laughter from Wayne]
- Ryan Stiles: [goes back up] I like to be on top!
- Drew Carey: [Scenes from a hat] Baby Drew's first words.
- Colin Mochrie: Colin's Bald!
- Wayne Brady: Hey Nurse, come on!
- Ryan Stiles: Pizza!
- Brad Sherwood: Show me them boobs! Come on!
- Drew Carey: Welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway" the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like the plot line of a porno film. They just don't matter.
- Drew Carey: [setting up "Weird Newscasters"] Wayne, you're a redneck trying to hold on to his title at a greased pig competition. And Ryan...
- Ryan Stiles: ...Please don't say I'm the greased pig!
- Drew Carey: No, you're a first time mother going from conception to birth!
- Drew Carey: Ryan, you are looking for a virgin to sacrifice to appease the gods. And if you come near my desk, I'll kill you.
- Drew Carey: A lot of people forget that on the Drew Carey show, Ryan and I have been totally naked.
- Ryan Stiles: Of course, some of us needed a wide angle lens.
- Drew Carey: And some of us needed a zoom.
- Drew Carey: Naked photos you wouldn't want to see on the internet
- Wayne Brady: Hi, I'm Bea Arthur!
- Ryan Stiles: C-A-R-E-Y. Hmmm.
- Ryan Stiles: [Pretends to click away from the website. He then throws the computer out the window]
- Drew Carey: Careful what you wish for Buddy...
- Drew Carey: Welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right the points are just like tasteful shoes to Ryan Stiles.
- [the audience applauds]
- Drew Carey: I'm sorry, was that applause? I couldn't hear it under Ryan's shoes!