- Yum-Yum: You're not going to kiss me before all these people?
- Ko-Ko: I'm certainly not going to kiss you after them.
- Yum-Yum: [to Pitti-Sing] Seems odd, don't it.
- Pitti-Sing: It's rather peculiar.
- Peep-Bo: I expect it's all right, must have a beginning you know.
- Yum-Yum: Well, I know nothing about these things, but I've no objection if it's usual.
- Ko-Ko: Oh it's quite usual, eh Minister of Fun?
- Pooh-Bah: I have known it done. I have not banned it yet.
- Ko-Ko: Here's the state of things, to her life she clings. Matrimonial devotion doesn't seem to suit her notion, burial it brings, here's the state of things, here's the state of things.
- Yum-Yum: Darling, I love you with all my heart, I don't suppose I shall ever love anyone else half as much, but when I agreed to marry you, my own, I had no idea, pet, that I should have to buried alive in a month.
- Nanki-Poo: Nor I, it's the first I've heard of it.
- Yum-Yum: It makes a difference, don't it.
- Nanki-Poo: It does make a difference.
- Yum-Yum: You see, burial alive. It's such a stuffy death.
- Nanki-Poo: I call it a beastly death.
- Yum-Yum: You see my difficulty, don't you.
- Nanki-Poo: Yes, and I see my own. If I insist on you carrying out your promise, I doom you to a hideous death but if I release you, you marry Ko-Ko at once.
- Nanki-Poo: Ko-Ko, the cheap tailor, Lord High Executioner of Titipu! Why, that's the highest rank a citizen can attain!
- Pooh-Bah: It is. Our logical Mikado, seeing no moral difference between the dignified judge who condemns a criminal to die, and the industrious mechanic who carries out the sentence, has rolled the two offices into one, and every judge is now his own executioner.
- Nanki-Poo: But how good of you, for I see that you are a nobleman of the highest rank, to condescend to tell all this to me, a mere strolling minstrel!
- Pooh-Bah: Don't mention it. I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family pride is something inconceivable. I can't help it. I was born sneering. But I struggle hard to overcome this defect. I mortify my pride continually. When all the great officers of State resigned in a body because they were too proud to serve under an ex-tailor, did I not unhesitatingly accept all their posts at once?
- Pish-Tush: And the salaries attached to them? You did.
- Pooh-Bah: It is consequently my degrading duty to serve this upstart as First Lord of the Treasury, Lord Chief Justice, Commander-in-Chief, Lord High Admiral, Master of the Buckhounds, Groom of the Back Stairs, Archbishop of Titipu, and Lord Mayor, both acting and elect, all rolled into one. And at a salary! A Pooh-Bah paid for his services! I a salaried minion! But I do it! It revolts me, but I do it!
- Nanki-Poo: And it does you credit.
- Pooh-Bah: But I don't stop at that. I go and dine with middle-class people on reasonable terms. I dance at cheap suburban parties for a moderate fee. I accept refreshment at any hands, however lowly. I also retail State secrets at a very low figure. For instance, any further information about Yum-Yum would come under the head of a State secret.
- [Nanki-Poo takes his hint, and gives him money]
- Pooh-Bah: [Aside] Another insult and, I think, a light one!
- Katisha: Alone, and yet alive! Oh, sepulchre! My soul is still my body's prisoner! Remote the peace that Death alone can give - My doom, to wait! my punishment, to live! Hearts do not break! They sting and ache For old love's sake, But do not die, Though with each breath They long for death As witnesseth The living I! The living I! Oh, living I! Come, tell me why, When hope is gone, Dost thou stay on? Why linger here, Where all is drear? Oh, living I! Come, tell me why, When hope is gone, Dost thou stay on? May not a cheated maiden die? May not a cheated maiden die?
- Yum-Yum: Yes, I am indeed beautiful! Sometimes I sit and wonder, in my artless Japanese way, why it is that I am so much more attractive than anybody else in the whole world. Can this be vanity? No! Nature is lovely and rejoices in her loveliness. I am a child of Nature, and take after my mother.
- Nanki-Poo: Sir, I have the misfortune to love your ward, Yum-Yum. Oh, I know I deserve your anger!
- Ko-Ko: Anger! not a bit, my boy. Why, I love her myself. Charming little girl, isn't she? Pretty eyes, nice hair. Taking little thing, altogether. Very glad to hear my opinion backed by a competent authority. Thank you very much. Good-bye.
- [to Pish-Tush]
- Ko-Ko: Take him away.
- [Pish-Tush removes him]
- Pooh-Bah: I'm not in the habit of saying "How de do, little girls, how de do?" to anybody under the rank of a Stockbroker.