Eddie Izzard credited as playing...
Self
- Eddie: Toasters! Toasters are good too. Like them, like toast. Hm. You've got a toaster there... But it's got a turney dial knob thing on the side - and it lies to us. It does not tell the truth! For it has numbers from one to six, and they lie!
- Eddie: When a bird gets sucked into an engine they call it "bird strike". It's not bird strike, it's "engine suck"!
- Eddie: Peter was the one who said "I don't know him. I don't know him. I don't know him." cock-a-doodle-doo "Oh, HIM!"
- [Depicting the end of the Trojan War]
- Eddie: Goodbye! We give up! You win. We've left you a huge fuck off horse... as per usual.
- Eddie: The same people who make toasters make showers. For they have a turney button too that lies. For we all know turn turn turn turn for hot. Turn turn turn turn for cold. But the only position we're interested in is the position between there... and there. One nanomillimeter between fantastically hot, and fucking freezing.
- Eddie: This is your pilot speaking. Welcome to flight one from here to there. We'll be flying at a height of ten feet, going up to twelve and a half feet if we see anything big. My copilot today, is a flask of coffee.
- Eddie: Look, it's 5 in the morning, it's just a paragraph, it will not print out, there's something, some bastard! Oh oh, there's an on-switch on the printer?
- Eddie: A problem of type 2094 has occurred... what the fuck is that... what does that mean... what are the 2093 problems I skipped to get to this one?
- Eddie: We built up empires. We stole countries, that's how you build an empire. We stole countries with the cunning use of flags.
- Eddie: [on Steve McQueen in 'The Great Escape'] He romps out, jumps on a motorbike, knocks the guy off - whoom! Within fifteen minutes he's on the borders of Switzerland. This is from Poland! And if you don't know the geography, it goes Poland, Czechoslovakia, Holland, Venezuela, Africa, Bali, the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, and then Switzerland.
- Eddie: Before birds get sucked into jet engines, do they ever think, "Look, there's Rod Stewart in first class!"