- Ryan: What?
- Jennifer: What? This. This, what is this?
- Ryan: I don't know! Nothing's going on.
- Jennifer: Really? Because I just ran into Megan and she told me that you broke up with her. Is that what this is about? Because I thought I told you not to tell her anything.
- Ryan: Yeah, I know.
- Jennifer: Well are you upset?
- Ryan: No!
- Jennifer: So what's going on?
- Ryan: I don't know! Things are different.
- Jennifer: But I thought we talked about that. Ryan, I thought that we said that we didn't want anything to be different. I thought we said that having sex was just a huge mistake and - and I mean, I mean it was weeks ago now, I thought we'd go back to being just friends, I thought that that would just...
- Ryan: Why was it a mistake?
- Jennifer: What?
- Ryan: You and me. Why was that a mistake? I'm curious.
- Jennifer: I thought we talked about it, what - you wanna go over it again?
- Ryan: No, you wanna talk - let's talk. Was it a mistake because anything that even comes close to real intimacy freaks you out? Or just that I'm not good enough for you?
- Jennifer: Ryan, you - you kissed me and - and I responded. But I wouldn't have done it if I thought it was gonna end our friendship.
- Ryan: And neither would I.
- Jennifer: Ryan, if I could take it all back, I would.
- Ryan: Take it. It's yours. Put it on the shelf with all your other one-night stands.
- Jennifer: Why are you doing this?
- Ryan: Look, that night was as much a surprise to me as it was to you. But being with you was like going to a place that I had never been before. And after you fell asleep I just laid there, staring up at those cheap fluorescent stars you have stuck on your ceiling, and - after a while they just started forming a pattern, this weird glow-in-the-dark pattern that linked together our entire relationship. And for the first time everything seemed clear to me - like one logical progression. It felt like you and I were the greatest plan ever made and I had nothing to do with it. Being with you made me feel that maybe I didn't have to keep planning anymore because it felt like I was actually living. And that for once in my life I wouldn't have to work so hard at being happy. That it could just happen. Nothing will ever hurt me as much as your reaction to that same experience.
- Jennifer: Ryan...
- Ryan: What, what - you wanna go hang out at the library and pretend like nothing happened? I can't do that.
- Jennifer: I'm sorry. I'm sorry - I don't know what to say.
- Ryan: Look, you don't have to say anything. I have to go. Have fun in Italy.
- Jennifer: I mean, we've all been in love, but we never know that it's not true love until it's over. So what if there is no one or two or three or four or five? I mean, what if there's no such thing as true love but we're just too afraid to admit it, so we keep on dressing up, we keep on pretending to be something that we're not, we keep turning our lives upside down, losing ourselves in something that we hope is better than what we think that we are? What if that something that we're looking for just doesn't exist?
- N.Y. Flight Attendant: Can I help you?
- Young Ryan: I don't know. Can you?
- N.Y. Flight Attendant: MAY I help you?
- Young Jennifer: Does it gross you out to know that I'm bleeding right now?
- Young Ryan: Why should it? It's just biology.
- Hunter: Whadda they want?
- Ryan: Who?
- Hunter: They. Them. The chiquitas. You know, I'm bustin' my ass out there trying to fit into their little mold of what makes an interesting, sexy guy, and I can not figure out what they want.
- Ryan: What do YOU want?
- Hunter: Gee, I dunno. Get laid. Have fun. Have someone love me for who I am.
- Ryan: Oh-ho. And, uh, who is that, exactly?
- Hunter: You're... you're right. You are absolutely right. I mean, what... what's wrong with being from the country, huh? A simple kid raised on fresh eggs and good values who had to get up at the crack of dawn every morning with a three-legged dog named Lucky by his side to help his pa with the cattle.
- Ryan: Hunter.
- Hunter: Yeah?
- Ryan: You're not from the country.
- Hunter: Ah! Jeez, Ryan, wha... what do you want me to say? "Hi, my name is Steve. I grew up in the suburbs with two working parents, two sisters and a two-car garage. I have no real identity, nor do I have a clue what I'm doing or what I want to be. Wanna go out?"
- Ryan: [pause] Your name is Steve?
- Jennifer: I just made the most important decision in my entire life, and you want me to put on my seatbelt?
- L.A. Flight Attendant: Yes, I do.
- [during end credits]
- Supermodel: Less talk, okay? More fart.
- Jennifer: It's like, with me in your life, you never have to try. And that's the beauty of our relationship: You'll just never get hurt again as long as you pretend I'm your girlfriend.
- Hunter: [upon hearing Ryan and Betty broke up] Well, this is great news. Now you and me can hit the circuit.
- Ryan: [correcting] You and I.
- Hunter: Right.
- Ryan: I don't think so.
- Hunter: No, believe me, it's way easier with two of us. You see, you pretend to be my idiot cousin, and for the weekend, all of a sudden - I'm sensitive. You get drunk, start coming on too strong and I beat the shit out of you - I'm masculine.
- Ryan: I don't think I'm ready for that.
- Hunter: Well, we can trade off. You can hit me first.
- Hunter: Buddy, if you're lookin' at me for answers - I'm flattered but, uh - you've come to the wrong place.
- Homecoming Knight: Gopher, do you mock my queen? I think you think you do, and for that you shall die!
- Ryan: I think too many differences make relationships impossible.
- Jennifer: Michael and I didn't agree on anything. Ever. That's what I loved about it. We fought, shouted, had sex. I mean, that's what I miss.
- Ryan: That doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship.
- Jennifer: Yeah, but what do you know about healthy relationships?
- Ryan: Excuse me?