- Myrna Goldfarb: I happen to have a Master's degree in African-American studies.
- Pierre Delacroix: So you fucked a nigger in college.
- Dunwitty: You know, I grew up around black people my whole life. I mean, if the truth be told, I probably know niggas better than you. And don't go getting offended by my use of the quote-unquote N-word. I have a black wife and two biracial kids, so I feel I have a right. I don't give a God damn what that prick Spike Lee says. Tarantino was right. Nigger is just a word. If Ol' Dirty Bastard can use it every other word, why can't I?
- Pierre Delacroix: SPOILER: As I bled to death, as my very life oozed out of me, all I could think of was something the great Negro James Baldwin had written. "People pay for what they do, and still more for what they have allowed themselves to become, and they pay for it, very simply, by the lives they lead." Now it was time for me to buy the farm. To meet my maker. Goodbye cousins. Tune in next week for "The Best of Mantan: The New Millennium Minstrel Show".
- Dunwitty: Sorry I'm late. I had trouble catching a cab.
- Pierre Delacroix: Perhaps they thought you were Danny Glover.
- Honeycutt: Uh... well, you know. I do all sorts of things, man. Whatever you need me to do. You know, like, I even do Shakespeare and shit.
- Pierre Delacroix: Well do some Shakespeare.
- Honeycutt: To be or not to be? That's the motherfuckin' question!
- Pierre Delacroix: [voiceover] When American people want something, they want it now and they want it big. They wanted the hula hoop, they wanted their yo-yos. Who could ever forget those lovable pet rocks, beanie babies, Pokémon? Now the latest, hottest, newest sensation across the nation was blackface!
- Timmi Hillnigger: [parodying Tommy Hilfiger] If you wanna keep it really real, never get out of the ghee-to, stay broke, and continue to add to my multi-billion dollar corporation, keep buying all my gear! The Timmi Hillnigger Collection: We keep it so real, we give you the bullet holes!
- Pierre Delacroix: The mission was accomplished. All of these people left the room thinking they would have real input. I was writing this pilot alone. Myself. Me. Moi.
- Womack: You ain't seen no niggers on the fiddle. No niggers on the fiddle like this. You ain't seen no niggers on the fiddle no niggers on the fiddle like this.