- Captain Malcolm: Get me the James boy!
- Tom: What, Jesse?
- Captain Malcolm: No, not Jesse! I want the one that can shoot!
- Tom, Cole, Bob: FRANK!
- [to Zee]
- Jesse James: You got big. I mean, you aged. What I mean is in a good way you got big and older.
- Ma James: The Lord says we can bury 'em out back in the orchard. No one will ever find 'em.
- Jesse James: Somebody's in a vengeful mood today.
- Frank: Why don't we let 'em go for today, Ma? We'll bury 'em out back next time.
- Ma James: [disappointed] Aw, all right.
- Cole: Why the hell aren't we the "Younger-James" gang? I mean we got three Younger brothers and two James brothers.
- Jim: Well, I kinda like the sound of the "James-Younger" gang.
- Cole: Hey Jim, I'll beat the piss out of you right now, now stay out of this.
- Bob: Oh, Jimmy's got a point, Cole. The "Younger-James" gang is confusing.
- Cole: How's that, Bob?
- Bob: Well, say we burst into a bank and we go, "We're the Younger-James gang!" Now people are gonna be thinkin', "The younger James gang? Is there an older James gang? How come we never heard of the older James gang?" So people are tryin' to figure that out instead of raisin' their arms.
- Frank: That Zerelda turned into a hell of a woman, eh?
- Jesse James: Oh yeah.
- Frank: "Big and older"?
- Jesse James: You can shut up now, Frank.
- Frank: You are a charmer.
- Jesse James: I swear to god I will shoot you in your sleep.
- Frank: Next time try "Fat and haggard"!
- Bob: [seeing Loni holding something] What's that?
- Loni Packwood: This is my lucky rabbit's foot. I took it off that dead fellow over there.
- Bob: Yeah, I don't think that one's working, Loni.
- Jesse James: Distracting enough for ya'?
- Frank: Aw, they hardly even noticed you.
- Jesse James: So you're saying I could have done more to attact their attention?
- Frank: Uh-huh.
- Jesse James: Such as?
- Frank: Well you coulda' worn one of those big, floppy women's Easter Sunday bonnets.
- Jesse James: Yeah, that would've made an impression.
- Frank: I figure.
- Jesse James: See that's your problem, Frank. By the time you've finished figurin' out stuff, I'm already finished doin' it.
- Frank: No, Jesse, see *your* problem is you're always doin' stuff before I'm finished figurin' it out.
- Jesse James: Let's go home, back to our farms.
- Cole: Platin' corn, harvesting corn... and eatin' corn.
- Bob: The corn gonna shoot at me?
- Cole: Nope.
- Bob: Then I love it.
- Frank: "From women's eyes this doctrine I derive, they sparkle still the right Promethean fire. They are the books, the arts, the acedemes that show, contain and nourish all the world."
- Cole: Well, I don't know what it is that you just said, but it sounded real nice.
- Frank: That's Shakespeare. Now *he's* European.
- Loni Packwood: I say this is the last straw. I came back from the war, my farm was burned down, my cows was dead. And now my wife's run off with my cousin Jeb. That son of a bitch. He took my dog!
- Head Teller: Why sir, sorry, but this bill is counterfeit!
- Jesse James: Oh, I don't think so. But I'm gonna have to see the rest of your money so I can compare.
- Frank: It's a scientific method, I hear it's all the rage.
- Jesse James: Drinking whiskey, Jim? You're too young to be drinking whiskey.
- Jim: Not too young to shoot a man, not too young to drink whiskey!
- Cole: You tell anyone I said this, I'll have to kill you, cause everyone knows I'm the toughest man in this town. But you are one terrifying son of a bitch with them guns.
- Frank: Well, she's still talking to Jesus.
- Jesse James: You know what worries me? That Jesus is talkin' back!
- Ma James: I heard that.
- Zee Mimms: I can't believe I had to blow up a train for you!
- Jesse James: Well you are a hell of a woman...
- Zee Mimms: Don't swear!
- Cole: The one time that one of us comes up with an idea...
- Jesse James: A *bad* idea.
- Cole: Hey, I got us through the war all right.
- Jesse James: And nearly got hanged in peacetime.
- Bob: Cole lost his temper.
- Frank: Oh no.
- Bob: Well, he just lost his temper a little!
- Jesse James: How many of 'em did he kill, Bob?
- Cole: Sadie was a beautiful woman, Sadie was not a man!
- Jesse James: She had a mustache, a nice mustache.
- Frank: I think she had more than a mustache!
- Cole: Well, she was European.
- Jesse James: So we got a plan?
- Bob: Yeah, my plan of lying here pissing myself seems to be working mighty fine, thank you!
- Cole: Some Indian tracker you turned out to be, Tom.
- Comanche Tom: You paid me to find you Bluecoats, there they are.
- Jesse James: All right, settle down. Not all this money is ours.
- Bob: Uh, well... no Jesse, it's the bank's... see that's why we had to go to all the trouble of stealing it.
- Cole: I'm the better soldier, Jesse!
- Jesse James: And I'm the better outlaw!
- Jimmy: You both hate the railroad, that's all that matters!
- [after Jimmy gets shot]
- Cole: Bob, get me some bandages.
- Jesse James: And some whiskey, Bob.
- Jimmy: Too young for whiskey.
- Jesse James: I think this time we'll make an exception, Jim.
- [after Jesse blames himself for Jim's death]
- Frank: The railroad burned him out, too, you couldn't have stopped him.
- Jesse James: You're a piss-poor liar for the smartest man I know.
- Zee Mimms: [while reading a book] Hmm...
- Jesse James: "Hmm" what?
- Zee Mimms: "But the life of the James gang wasn't all robbing and shooting and killing. For these young Missouri bucks had a taste for the ladies. Especially the handsome and charismatic Jesse James."
- Jesse James: I beg your pardon!
- Zee Mimms: Blazing Guns of The West: The True Story of Jesse James. Only a dime in the hotel lobby.
- Jesse James: Let me see that.
- Zee Mimms: Oh, I'm not finished. "When he sauntered into a saloon, his spurs jangling and his pockets full of gold, the ladies flocked around him like flies to a candied apple." As I said... hmm.
- Bob: They arrested Jesse! What have you done?
- Cole: What's that, Bob?
- Bob: What have you done, Cole?
- Cole: I ain't done nothing, Bob.
- Bob: Swear it.
- [points his gun at Jesse]
- Bob: Swear on Jimmy's grave.
- Tom: Bob, you know Cole would never do such a thing. He and Jesse are best friends, cousins, blood brothers. Bob...
- Bob: [lowers his gun] Sorry, Cole.
- [walks away]
- Tom: If I find out you had anything to do with what happened to Jesse... I'll kill you myself.
- Jesse James: I should've just killed Thaddeus Reins.
- Allan Pinkerton: That's what I'd have done.
- Jesse James: I'm not hanged yet.
- Allan Pinkerton: You cocky little bastard.
- Jesse James: Oh, you'll miss me.
- Allan Pinkerton: No... I'll hang you. But I might miss you a little bit.
- Allan Pinkerton: Tennessee. The railroad has no business in Tennessee, therefore I have no interest in the state of Tennessee.
- Jesse James: Thank you.
- Allan Pinkerton: I'd just as soon kill you, Jesse James. But chasing you takes up too much of my time.
- Zee Mimms: There are certain things that have to wait until after the wedding.
- Jesse James: Driver, change of plans. Can you take us to the nearest church, please?
- Jesse James: Zee, go home.
- Zee Mimms: Who else was there when they hanged the others? You need to know how they do it. Which way they walk up, what order they do things in. And you mess up rescuing Cole because you won't listen to a woman? Then damn you all.
- Loni Packwood: [whistles]
- Jesse James: Hey Doc, I was wonderin' if, eh, later this evening I could come by?
- Doc Mimms: You're always welcome here, Jesse.
- Jesse James: Yeah, I know, Doc, but well, I was thinking maybe I could come by and take Zee out. Some place near, with other folk. Near here, but...
- [clears throat]
- Jesse James: Out.
- Doc Mimms: That's fine by me, Jesse.
- Frank: [with a grin] Oh, no worries, sir, I'll make sure they're properly chaperoned!
- Doc Mimms: Why that hadn't even occurred to me, Frank. I am deeply in your debt.
- [last lines]
- Zee Mimms: When were you plannin' on telling me?
- Jesse James: I just did!
- Zee Mimms: Only because I asked!
- Jesse James: Damn, am I ever gonna win with you?
- Zee Mimms: Don't change the subject!
- Jesse James: Hands off your hip, Cole.
- Cole: Ain't scared are ya, Jesse?
- Jesse James: Pick your fights, cousin, you taught me that.
- Rollin H Parker: As you no doubt heard from your neighbors, our railroad is moving west...
- Jesse James: Well, that makes sense as, see, east would put you under water.