William Petersen credited as playing...
CSI Dr. Gil Grissom • Gil Grissom
- Greg Sanders: All work and no play makes Greg a dull boy.
- Gil Grissom: All play and no work makes Greg an UNEMPLOYED boy.
- Catherine Willows: We're mid-case. Why do we have to do this now?
- Gil Grissom: Well, unless I get these evaluations in, I'll be written up.
- Catherine Willows: My goals... all right, for starters, I'd like two consecutive nights off. I would like to cut my triples down to 10 instead of the usual 20, and I would love to find a reliable babysitter so I could have myself some kind of a personal life.
- Gil Grissom: You don't have a personal life?
- Catherine Willows: Write this down: I haven't had sex in six - no, seven months.
- Gil Grissom: How can I help?
- [Her eyes widen]
- Gil Grissom: You. Advance, I mean.
- [Grissom admits to a mistake]
- Gil Grissom: What?
- Nick Stokes: Well, it's just that most people don't admit to being wrong.
- Gil Grissom: I'm wrong all the time. It's how I get to "right".
- [Looking for clues in a messy trailer]
- Nick Stokes: People are pigs.
- Gil Grissom: Don't insult the pigs, Nick. They're actually very clean.
- Greg Sanders: I, am a genius.
- Warrick Brown: Let me guess, you ran the DNA and got a hit?
- Greg Sanders: No.
- Gil Grissom: You ran the DNA and something distinctive came up?
- Greg Sanders: No.
- Warrick Brown: You rolled out of bed and managed to dress yourself?
- Greg Sanders: No.
- Gil Grissom: I just got a page from James Watson.
- Nick Stokes: And I got one from Francis Crick. What's going on, Greg?
- Greg Sanders: Well, as you both know, Watson and Crick are the granddaddies of DNA. Without their discoveries, I'd have nothing to do all day.
- Nick Stokes: What have you been doing all day?
- Gil Grissom: So, let's see. You surf, you scuba dive. You're into latex, you like fashion models and Marilyn Manson. And you also have a coin collection?
- Greg Sanders: Weird, ha?
- Gil Grissom: Well, I race cockroaches!
- Catherine Willows: You know how you're always pushing that holy trinity stuff?
- Gil Grissom: Father, Son and Holy Ghost?
- Catherine Willows: Victim, suspect, crime scene.
- Gil Grissom: That one, huh?
- Gil Grissom: Sometimes I can be a little thoughtless.
- Catherine Willows: I wouldn't say that. Not just any guy would walk a girl to the morgue.
- Captain Jim Brass: Hey, look what I found: a knife with blood on it.
- Gil Grissom: Hey, look what I found: dead guy.
- [Grissom walks by the lab where Greg is playing music]
- Gil Grissom: Hey, Sanders, no punk rock.
- Greg Sanders: What about Black Flag?
- Gil Grissom: Are you nuts?
- [after telling Grissom something that Grissom already knows]
- Greg Sanders: I guess I should stop trying to impress you.
- Gil Grissom: That would impress me.
- Catherine Willows: Never doubt. Never look back. That's how I live my life.
- Gil Grissom: I admire that.
- Sara Sidle: Clothing, $85. Earrings, $30. Latte, $4. Getting away with murder...
- Gil Grissom: Priceless.
- Gil Grissom: Did you hear the one about the cop and the monkey who go into a bar?
- Catherine Willows: I'm not in the mood.
- Gil Grissom: Neither was the monkey.
- [identifying an insect at a crime scene]
- Gil Grissom: Dermastidae masculatus.
- Sara Sidle: That's Latin for "You're hiding a dead body."