Quotes

Good Advice

Ryan: I'd kill myself right now, but I'd probably end up in Hell, and that would be redundant.
Barry: Well, at least you'd be among friends.

Ryan: [writing as Cindy] The best way to get over a man is to get under a new one.

Iris: I'm a wonderful housekeeper. I got divorced three times, and I kept all the houses.

Donald Simpson: When I want something, Miss Henson, I usually get it.
Page Hensen: Well, you'll have to get it somewhere else. If you'll excuse me.
[Page starts to exit the office]
Donald Simpson: You never wrestle with pigs, Miss Henson. You'll both get dirty. Only the pig likes it.
Page Hensen: Well, at least I know what species I'm dealing with. Good day, Mr. Simpson.

Cindy Styne: Have you ever been to Brazil? Don't bother. There is no air-conditioning, there are mosquitoes the size of unborn babies, and *nobody* speaks a decent language!

Cindy Styne: If God had meant me to marry a poor man, he would have made me homely.

Barry: [after getting yelled at by his wife while holding the phone] Yes, "legs welded shut".... And an eggroll, please.

[Barry and Cathy are making love; Barry hums]
Cathy Sherman: [checks the thermometer, then rushes through] Hurry!
Barry: Hurry? You never wanted me to hurry before.
Cathy Sherman: [grunting] Before my temperature goes down. Stop complaining! You always wanted a "nooner".
Barry: Well yeah, but the what's the rush to have children?
Cathy Sherman: [moans] Cindy's having one, so...
[kisses Barry]
Cathy Sherman: it got me thinking.
Barry: [under his breath] Cindy's in Brazil.
[Cathy stops him abruptly]
Cathy Sherman: Cindy's in Brazil?
Barry: What? No, I mean, "Cindy's bra is chilled". Let's make babies.
Cathy Sherman: Okay.
[Cathy turns Barry on his back for the Woman-on-top position...]
Barry: [intrigued] Oooh.
[... but then begins to torture him for information]
Barry: OWW! What are you doing?
Cathy Sherman: It's the yoga. It familiarizes me with muscles I never even knew I had.
Barry: I-I can't move the-Oh my God! My...
Cathy Sherman: Exactly. Now tell me what's going on.
Barry: [defiant] I don't know anything! I swear!
Cathy Sherman: Okay...
[grunts]
Cathy Sherman: TALK!
[Barry screams helplessly]
Cathy Sherman: Feel the love!
Barry: Okay, okay! I'll talk! I'LL TALK!

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