- Ernie: Oh, hi there. Hey, we're Ernie and Bert.
- Doc: Hi there yourself, I'm Doc.
- Bert: Did you know that Doc starts with the letter "D"?
- Doc: Why, yes.
- Ernie: Yes! Yes starts with the letter "Y".
- Doc: True.
- Ernie: And true starts with the letter "T".
- Doc: [chuckles] Hey, what is this?
- Bert: Where we come from, this is small talk.
- Doc: Well, whatever you day, nice to be meeting you, but I'd better go up and build some bunk beds.
- Ernie, Bert: Bunk beds!
- Ernie: B words.
- [he and Bert laugh]
- [repeated line]
- Various Characters: Careful of the icy patch!
- Snowman: But it's always cold at Christmas.
- Fozzie Bear: Ah, Christmas. Time for Santa Claus and his eight prancing rein-bear.
- Snowman: That's reindeer.
- Fozzie Bear: No, that's SNOW, DARLING!
- Doc: Excuse me! You promised me a nice, quiet Christmas.
- Emily 'Ma' Bear: You think you're disappointed? I just took three months of surfing lessons for zip.
- Doc: Careful, Sprocket. These may be from some foreign planet.
- Emily 'Ma' Bear: Actually, they're from television. I recognize Fozzie's weirdo friends.
- Dr. Teeth: Yeah, and we're proud of it, too!
- Sam the Eagle: Why am I here?
- Jim Henson: [as the Muppets sing "We Wish You a Merry Christmas", he watches from the kitchen door] Well, they certainly seem to be having a good time out there, Sprocket.
- [Sprocket barks]
- Jim Henson: Yep, I like it when they have a good time. But tell you what, somebody'll have to do something about these dishes, Sprocket. C'mon. I'll wash, you dry, okay?
- Snowman: Hey, Fozzie.
- Fozzie Bear: Yes, Mr. Snowman?
- Snowman: Did you hear about the church that burned down?
- Statler, Waldorf: Holy smoke!
- [they cackle]
- Kermit: Don't you think we should've called your mother and let her know we were coming?
- Fozzie Bear: Oh, how little you understand bears, Kermit. My mother loves surprises.
- Gonzo: Well, good, 'cause she's in for a beauty.
- Kermit: You don't have to explain, Doc. If there's one thing Piggy knows, it's how to make an entrance.
- Kermit: Where is your partner?
- Fozzie Bear: Outside.
- Kermit: Outside? Fozzie, it's too cold to go outside.
- Fozzie Bear: It's not cold.
- Kermit: It *is* cold!
- Fozzie Bear: It's not cold.
- Snowman: [entering the house] Can I come in and warm up?
- Fozzie Bear: Okay, so it's cold.
- Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Oh, look. There's Rowlf when he was just a wee puppy.
- Rowlf: Not so wee. I was paper-trained.
- Gonzo: [talking to the Turkey on the porch] Listen, you're in the wrong place at the wrong time. Now take a walk, fly south for the winter, anything!
- Turkey: I was in-*vited* for Christmas by some guy who spoke Swedish!
- Gonzo: [mumbling] Oh, brother.
- Turkey: He had a white chef's hat on; sounds like a nice vacation.
- Gonzo: [nodding] Mm-hm, mm-hm, listen, that guy *is* a chef. Don't you realize it could be *very* dangerous place for turkeys around here?
- Turkey: Not to worry, I'm a survivor. Now where's my room?
- Gonzo: If you're not careful, it'll be in the oven.
- Turkey: So long, bucko.
- [panting as he heads back inside]
- Gonzo: See you at dinner.
- Fozzie Bear: Kermit, now can I tell you about my new act?
- Kermit: I'm all ears.
- [hears Sprocket barking]
- Kermit: Now what can that be?
- Fozzie Bear: What does he mean he's all ears? Frogs don't even have ears!
- Maureen the Mink: Hi, I'm Maureen the Mink.
- Miss Piggy: What?
- Kermit: She said, "Hi, I'm Maureen the Mink."
- Miss Piggy: I HEARD HER! I HEARD HER!
- Emily 'Ma' Bear: I'm afraid we're running out of room. Two of you will have to sleep on hangers on a hook on the wall.
- Gonzo: What a fabulous idea!
- Animal: Love hanger! Love hanger!
- [laughs]
- Floyd: That's the only way Animal ever sleeps, ma'am.
- Fozzie Bear: See, Mom? I told you it'd be easy!
- Emily 'Ma' Bear: They're weirdos, Fozzie.
- Fozzie Bear: Yeah?
- Emily 'Ma' Bear: But, they're nice weirdos.
- Fozzie Bear: Yeah.
- [chuckles quietly]
- Janice: [bringing out a basket of Christmas cookies] Hey, everybody, look what I've got: Christmas cookies!
- Cookie Monster: COOKIE!
- [gobbles up the whole basket, as Animal watches in amazement]
- Cookie Monster: [going] Oh, thank you!
- Janice: Who was that strange blue creature?
- Animal: Dat my kinda fella! Ahahahahaha!
- Emily 'Ma' Bear: There. Fozzie's stocking is hung by the mantle so Santa will bring him a present.
- Fozzie Bear: Aw, Ma, this is embarrassing. I mean, I'm not a cub anymore, I'm a grown bear.
- Emily 'Ma' Bear: Oh. Well, I'll take it down.
- Fozzie Bear: Oh, no, I didn't say that.
- Oscar the Grouch: Hey, everybody, quiet down! There's a bulletin on TV!
- The Newsman: And now, for this news flash: the worst blizzard in fifty years is approaching us at a great rate. The Weather Service reports that barometers are falling sharply.
- [a lot of wooden barometers crash on him]
- The Newsman: Oh no! Whoa...
- Turkey: Hey, hey, hey, no, no, you got me wrong, I'm a dairy cow.
- [moos]
- Swedish Chef: [repeatedly swatting the Turkey with celery] Nø, nø, nø, dø dïs før më!
- Turkey: All right, okay, I'm a-AAH! I'm a birdie, I'm a birdie, I'm a seagull, right?
- Turkey: [continues swatting the Turkey with celery] Nø, nø, nø, gøbblër-gøbblër!
- Turkey: Okay, all right, I admit it, I admit it; the jig is up!
- [the Chef stops hitting the Turkey]
- Turkey: Here I am, the Christmas Turkey.
- Swedish Chef: Ë tøäks ä snïr!
- [swats the Turkey more with celery]
- Turkey: Ow! Hey, watch it there, will ya?
- [the chef measures the turkey]
- Turkey: Oh, I recognize it now. This is, thi--this is the traditional fitting, right, to see of the roasting pan is big enough for the nice fat *bird*?
- Swedish Chef: Yä yä yä. Gøbblë gøbblë tørkëy fïskëy wïskëy!
- Turkey: Of course, uh, before we go any further, uh, there is one thing, though, I think you should see.
- Turkey: Yöu mëan knïcksnä gøbblä gøbblä schnëërs?
- Turkey: If you think I'm a nice fat bird, LOOK AT THIS!
- [the Turkey opens the kitchen door to reveal Big Bird visiting with the other Muppets in the living room as castle thunder goes off]
- Swedish Chef: Øhh, yüh!
- [tosses the pan away]
- Swedish Chef: Dät's ä gøbblä gøbblä hümøngø!
- Turkey: Ain't it the truth?
- [snickers]
- Sprocket the Dog: Ruff ruff ruff! Ruff ruff ruff! Ruff ruff ruff!
- Rowlf: Woof woof! Yeah! Bark bark!
- Doc: Don't you hate it when you can't speak the language?
- Ernie: 'Twas the night before Christmas / And all through the house / Not a creature was stirring, / Not even a mouse. Cue the mouse!
- Grover: [dressed as a mouse, holding a mixing bowl with a spoon] I am here! I'm here! Cutest little mouse is here!
- Bert: What's the bowl for?
- Grover: Oh. Uh, so you can see that I am not stirring. Note how the hand never touches the spoon.
- [the telephone rings]
- Animal: Telephone! Telephone!
- [picks up phone]
- Animal: Hello? Hello? Gimme presents!
- Miss Piggy: Joyeaux Noël, Kermie!
- Animal: Oh. Pig.
- [gives phone to Kermit]
- Fozzie Bear: Wow, that's pretty good harmony for a snowman!
- Snowman: Actually, I'm a "snooman".
- Fozzie Bear: What's a "snooman"?
- Snowman: Nothing's "a-snoo," man! What's "snoo" with you?
- Doc: [as the Swedish Chef taps Sprocket with a spiked wooden server between the spokes of a dinner chair] This is my dog, Sprocket; he is not a Christmas turkey!
- Swedish Chef: Dër schmëcka gøbblä gøbblä fëffernøøse!
- Doc: I don't care if the turkey said the dog is a turkey. The dog is not the turkey; the turkey's the turkey, you turkey! Come on, Sprocket.
- [he takes the chair away as Sprocket barks]
- Swedish Chef: Schmëcka gøbblä gøbblä gërfëy wërfëy.
- Turkey: [chuckles] This is startin' to be fun, hee-hee-hee.
- [seeing Camila]
- Turkey: Whoa, speaking of fun, hey mum, how you doin'?
- Maureen the Mink: Oh, Miss Piggy, I've seen everything you've done, I'm your biggest fan! I worship the ground you work on.
- Miss Piggy: Oh, what a wonderful present!
- Maureen the Mink: Hee hee.