An American Vampire Story

Like having the life sucked out of you in 90 minutes, but the comedy audio track on the DVD is funny. Two members of the Groundlings Improv Troupe send up this hideous film on the alternate sound track a la Mystery Science Three Thousand. This and this alone makes it worth renting. However to really enjoy the comedy track you need to watch the movie without it first - a scary, not in the good way, endeavor! Otherwise bad acting, bad directing, bad boom micing plague this badly written film. It's also painful to watch Adam West sell himself out for a few bucks in a small supporting role. Carmen Electra with all her wiles can't save even a minute of this mess.

To be perfectly honest, I'm surprised. Not because 'An American vampire story' is bad - I had no expectations otherwise - but because of the ways in which it's bad. There were kernels of good ideas here, but the execution falls incredibly flat.

The movie gives us a vibe check very quickly, making sure we know how very '90s it is. The music, the dialogue, and the characterizations are all very easily dated, and in 2021 they do not evoke nostalgia so much as irritation. The same goes for the sense of humor at hand, invoking party-ready teen comedy by way of mid-90s TV shows such as - not to be too on point - 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' (albeit without the wit). Of course there have to be gratuitous scenes of skateboarders and beachgoers for extra flavor, with shots needlessly lingering on these ancillary extras.

One could say the narrative is pretty straightforward, lacking surprises, and that's true. Moreover, it echoes the thrust of other features geared to the same demographic of teen boys and young men as it relates the story of an ordinary California kid beset by strangers in his home. He comes to suspect they're vampires, and seeks to rid of them. It's simple enough. But above all, the word that comes to mind is "thin." In every way, the entirety of the film is direly lacking in substance.

Consider even just the marketing. Promotional images 100% rely on the sex appeal of Carmen Electra and Debra Xavier to sell the film. Yet their roles as vampire temptresses are relegated to fleeting intermittent screen time, while little known star Trevor Lissauer features predominantly in the camera's eye as protagonist Frankie. Sure, you could say this is the work of the distributors, not the film-makers, yet the very inclusion of Electra and Xavier in the cast suggests particular intent. Maybe that's unfair, but the actresses' list of credits also speaks for itself.

The same music that dates the movie grows tiresome quickly. Characters are rather one-dimensional, demonstrating little depth; that Lissauer and co-star Sydney Lassick alone are able, against all odds, to inject some minor personality into their roles is to their credit. Dialogue is flat and dull, and so is the humor. I can hardly say it any more plainly than that; some scenes are so bereft as to become altogether extraneous.

When his character is first introduced, we're tricked into thinking that the greatest energy was spent in 'An American vampire story' on giving Adam West lots to do. Unfortunately, "The Big Kahuna" is no less deficient, and while the part is notably distinct from others here, it mostly lacks any punch or vigor that would allow West's dry humor to find purchase.

The premise is uncomplicated, yet within the narrative are small aspects that hold promise as concepts on paper. Lassick's character, Bruno, is enjoyable as the eccentric servant of the vampires, but also rides a fine line between "entertaining" and "grating." A party scene late in the film leads somewhat haphazardly into the climax, and there were fun possibilities in the fates of supporting characters. Yet in aiming to be a comedy, the narrative turns away from the most tantalizing opportunities. It's a little like Rollin Jarrett's writing is leading us on, only to drop out and fail to truly manifest.

The direction is no better. There are many shots that are arranged only to show characters entering or leaving a scene. Not only are these sometimes orientated so as to pretend unnecessary and unrealized sophistication, but they needlessly linger after the actors are no longer on-screen. Other shots are outright dubious, to say nothing of the lack of instruction Luis Esteban seems to have imparted to his actors to fulfill his vision; performers appear on screen, and at times that's the most that can be said.

That leaves us with the comedy. 'An American vampire story' could have taken a number of approaches, including sexploitation, more balanced horror-comedy, or a farcical spoof or parody. The tack Jarrett and Esteban actually attempted is more along the lines of lighthearted '80s comedies involving characters (generally high school kids) squaring off against an intrusive and often supernatural or paranormal force or antagonist. But this was made in the 90s, is clearly dated to the 90s, and for the most part just isn't clever enough - and too annoying - to mirror its points of inspiration. To occasionally be amused is not the same as laughing, and this movie failed to provoke me to laughter.

To glance at other reviews, I understand the argument in retrospect that this is a film that's appropriate for families, including younger kids. There's blood, but it's not especially gory; there's sensuality, but it's not really sexual. It's pretty well middle of the road in any regard that may be objectionable. I freely admit, maybe I've been looking at this the wrong way. Yet I'm inclined to think that this appeal for broad audiences has little to do with intent, and is more about how lackluster the production is in every regard, failing to meaningfully realize its potential. At best that appeal tells me that this feature didn't know what it wanted to be. At worst: In my opinion, the favor this may find among folks looking for something their kids can watch - the lack of titillating sex or violence - is a result not of the film-makers trying to achieve this end, but of their inability to create the eye-popping feature it might have been.

I'll watch almost anything - any genre, any intended audience, any anticipated level of quality. I entered 'An American vampire story' with low expectations - and for the handful of good ideas herein, my expectations were actually surpassed, much to my surprise. But that's not saying much. And no matter how I try to consider the movie in hindsight, the fact is that I was just not especially entertained. It's far from the worst movie I've ever seen, but 'An American vampire story' fails to truly light up the imagination, and perhaps that says as much as anything could.

Maybe another viewer can find worthwhile value here. But save for the most perseverant of moviegoers, I can't specifically recommend trying.

Well let see, It's not full of blood and guts, it's not really scary, it's not sexual by any means, hmmmmmmm seems to me that a movie of this nature would be a good thing for kids and for people that are just wanting to get away from the garbage out in the video market today.

I believe that this movie is one of a kind. It has some cute parts to it, and, it has the venerable Adam West back in a Batman-esque kind of role. Being serious and over the top as he was in so many Batman shows of days forgotten.

Johny, Trevor, and Carmen were funny and enjoyable, as well as Sidney and Debra . I think for children this would be a cute and enjoyable movie and something parents ought to look into.

RJ

The only thing that makes the a watchable dvd rent is the commentary track. I think the distributer of this horrible, horrible flick saw they had a real mess on their hands and got two members of the L.A. improv comedy troop "The Groundlings" to rifle on the movie while they watch. It pretty funny but it's the only way to watch the movie.

Clearly this film was intended to be a comedy; if intentions were dollars, we'd all be billionaires. A teen is left in charge of his parents' home as they take off on vacation, then he and his friend meet a slightly mysterious character on the beach - it helps if you live on the coast. Before he knows it, the mystery man has invited himself into kiddo's home along with his two gorgeous female companions and manservant, the latter of whom, well, you don't want to taste his cooking. Needless to say the ladies are also ladies of the night. No, not prostitutes!

At some point, whoever wrote the script decides the film should become serious, well, sort of. That doesn't work either. The script is not so bad, but the plot such as it is leaves much to be desired, and, well, some films just don't work. True, the soundtrack isn't that bad, but the jokes, such as they are, are weaker than the script. Give this one a miss if you have something more interesting to do this weekend. Like watch paint dry.