- Hula Teacher: Lilo, why are you all wet?
- Lilo: It's sandwich day. Every Thursday I take Pudge the fish a peanut butter sandwich...
- Hula Teacher: "Pudge" is a fish?
- Lilo: And today we were out of peanut butter. So I asked my sister what to give him, and she said 'a tuna sandwich'. I can't give Pudge tuna!
- [whispering]
- Lilo: Do you know what tuna *is*?
- Hula Teacher: Fish?
- Lilo: [hysterical] It's fish! If I give Pudge tuna, I'd be an abomination! I'm late because I had to go to the store and get peanut butter 'cause all we have is... is... stinkin' tuna!
- Hula Teacher: Lilo, Lilo, why is this so important?
- Lilo: [calmly] Pudge controls the weather.
- Lilo: You know, you wreck everything you touch. Why not try and make something for a change?
- [Stitch builds a city out of what he finds in Lilos room]
- Lilo: Wow. San Francisco.
- [Stitch begins to destroy the city like the monster in "Earth vs. the Spider", picking up a toy car]
- Stitch: [as car passengers] "Eeeeeek! Save me!"
- Lilo: No more caffeine for you.
- Grand Councilwoman: [the Grand Councilwoman is yelling at Jumba] YOU! You're the cause of all this! If it hadn't been for your Experiment 626, none of this...
- Stitch: [interrupting] Stitch!
- Grand Councilwoman: What?
- Stitch: My name, Stitch.
- Grand Councilwoman: [Dismissive] Stitch then. If it wasn't for Stitch...
- [turns to look at Stitch, surprised]
- Stitch: Does Stitch have to go in the ship?
- Grand Councilwoman: Yes...
- Stitch: Can Stitch say goodbye?
- Grand Councilwoman: Yes.
- Stitch: Thank you.
- Grand Councilwoman: [to Nani and Lilo] Who are you?
- Stitch: This is my family. I found it, all on my own. It's little, and broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good.
- Nani: You are so finished when I get in there! I'm gonna stuff you in the blender, push "puree," then bake you into a pie and feed it to the social worker! And when he says, "Mmmm, this is great, what's your secret?" I'm gonna say...
- [Mr. Bubbles hooks his foot around hers and pulls her away from the dog-door]
- Nani: ...Love... and... nurturing...
- Nani: CIA?
- Mr. Cobra Bubbles: Former. Saved the planet once. Convinced an alien race mosquitoes were an endangered species.
- Lilo: [explaining the death of her parents to Stitch] It was raining, and they went for a drive. What happened to yours? I hear you cry at night. Do you dream about them? I know that's why you wreck things, and push me.
- Lilo: A falling star... I call it! Get out, get out! I have to make a wish!
- [Pushes Nani out of her room]
- Lilo: Can't you go any faster?
- Nani: Oh no! Gravity is increasing on me!
- [Nani begins to fall on Lilo]
- Lilo: No, it's not!
- Nani: Is too, Lilo, the same thing happened yesterday!
- Lilo: You rotten sister, your butt is crushing me! Why do you act so weird?
- Lilo: We're a broken family, aren't we?
- Nani: No... Maybe, a little. Maybe a lot. I shouldn't have yelled at you.
- Lilo: We're sisters. It's our job.
- Nani: Yeah, well, from now on...
- Lilo: I like you better as a sister than a mom.
- Nani: Yeah?
- Lilo: [on the verge of tears] And you like me better as a sister than a rabbit, right?
- Nani: Lilo! There you are, honey face! This is Mr..."Bubbles".
- Mr. Cobra Bubbles: Nice to meet you.
- Lilo: Your knuckles say "cobra"..."Cobra Bubbles"... you don't *look* like a social worker.
- Mr. Cobra Bubbles: I'm a special classification.
- Lilo: Did you ever kill anyone?
- Mr. Cobra Bubbles: We're getting off the subject. Let's talk about you. Are you... happy?
- Lilo: I'm adjusted.
- [Repeats what Nani is signing to her behind Bubbles' back]
- Lilo: I eat all four food groups, and look both ways before crossing the street... and take long naps...
- [Nani pumps her fist in triumph]
- Lilo: and get disciplined?
- Mr. Cobra Bubbles: Disciplined?
- Lilo: Yeah! She disciplines me real good.
- [Nani holds out here hand in "stop" gesture]
- Lilo: Sometimes five times a day! With bricks!
- Mr. Cobra Bubbles: Bricks?
- Lilo: Uh huh... in a pillow case...
- Nani: Okay, that's enough sugar for you! Why don't you run along now, you little cutie. The other social workers just thought she was a scream. Thirsty?
- Mr. Cobra Bubbles: Let me illuminate to you the precarious situation in which you have found yourself. I am the one they call when things go wrong, and things have indeed gone wrong.
- [Stitch and Jumba are tossing a jammed up gun back and forth]
- Stitch: Merry Christmas.
- Jumba: It's not Christmas.
- Stitch: Happy Channukah!
- Jumba: It's not Channukah!
- [Pleakley scoops up Lilo and carries her away from the house]
- Lilo: We're leaving Stitch?
- Pleakley: Trust me, this is not gonna end well!
- Jumba: One potato!
- Stitch: Two potato!
- Jumba: Three potato!
- Stitch: Four!
- Jumba: Five potato!
- Stitch: Six potato!
- Jumba: Seven potato more!
- Stitch: My...
- Jumba: mother...
- Stitch: told...
- Jumba: me...
- Stitch: you...
- Jumba: are...
- Stitch: ...it.
- Jumba: Ha! I win!
- [gun explodes in his hands]
- Pleakley: Help! I don't like the ocean! Ahh! Oh, look, a friendly little dolphin. They helped sailors during the war... It's a shark! It's a shark and it ain't friendly! Looks like a dolphin... Tricky fish! Tricky fish! Octopus, will you please help me? An octo... the octopus is worse than the shark! I hate this planet!
- Lilo: Our family's little now, and we don't have many toys... But if you want, you could be a part of it. You could be our baby, and we'd raise you to be good.
- Lilo: Hey! Three days ago, I bought Stitch at the shelter. I paid two dollars for him. See this stamp? I own him. If you take him, you're stealing.
- Mr. Cobra Bubbles: Aliens are all about rules.
- Grand Councilwoman: You look familiar.
- Mr. Cobra Bubbles: CIA. Roswell. 1973.
- Grand Councilwoman: Ah, yes. You had hair then.
- Grand Councilwoman: Experiment 626. Give us a sign you understand any of this. Show us that there is something inside you that is good.
- [Stitch clears his throat; the council members listen in anticipation]
- Stitch: Meega, nala kwishta!
- [the entire council gasps in horror]
- Grand Councilwoman: [horrified] So... naughty!
- [Stitch laughs maniacally]
- Jumba: I didn't teach him that!
- [first lines]
- Grand Councilwoman: Read the charges.
- Gantu: Doctor Jumba Jookiba, you stand before this council accused of illegal genetic experimentation!
- Grand Councilwoman: How do you plead?
- Jumba: Not guilty! My experiments are only theoretical, and completely within legal boundaries.
- Grand Councilwoman: We believe you actually... created something.
- Jumba: Created something? Hah! But that would be irresponsible and unethical. I would never, ever...
- [Stitch is revealed]
- Jumba: ...make... more than one.
- Jumba: Come on, what's the big deal?
- Stitch: [in alien language] Oongatish mista!
- Jumba: I'll put you back together again... I'll make you taller, and not so fluffy!
- [whips plates at Stitch, frisbee style]
- Stitch: I like fluffy!
- [after there is a ring of holes around Stitch]
- Stitch: [in alien language] Ah, Pooama Chicky!
- Jumba: Ach! Leave my mother out of this!
- Nani: Oh, you are such a pain.
- Lilo: Then why don't you sell me and buy a rabbit instead?
- [she starts to walk up the stairs going up to her room]
- Nani: At least a rabbit would behave better than you!
- Lilo: Good! Then you'll be happy 'cause it'll be smarter than me, too!
- Nani: And quieter!
- Lilo: You'll like it 'cause it's stinky like YOU!
- [Lilo slams her bedroom door]
- Nani: [screaming] Go to your ROOOOOOOOMMM!
- Lilo: I'm already in my room!
- [Slams the door, Nani grabs a pillow and screams into it, in her room, Lilo screams into her own pillow, then flops down onto the bed]
- Grand Councilwoman: Take note of this. This creature is hereby sentenced to life in exile, a sentence that shall be henceforth served out here, on Earth. And as caretaker of the alien lifeform Stitch, this family is hereby under the protection of the United Intergalactic Federation. We'll be checking in now and then.
- Mr. Cobra Bubbles: I was afraid you were going to say that. This won't be easy to explain back at headquarters.
- Grand Councilwoman: I know what you mean.
- Mr. Cobra Bubbles: Heard you lost your job.
- Nani: Well... I just quit that job, because the hours are just not conducive to raising a child...
- [Stitch hits Cobra in the face with a book]
- Nani: Hey!
- Mr. Cobra Bubbles: What is that?
- Lilo: That's my puppy.
- Mr. Cobra Bubbles: Really?
- [Adjusts neck]
- Mr. Cobra Bubbles: Thus far you have been adrift in the sheltered harbor of my patience, but I cannot tolerate you being jobless. Do I make myself clear?
- Nani: Perfectly.
- Mr. Cobra Bubbles: And next time I see that dog, I want him to be a model citizen. Capisce?
- Lilo: Uh... yes?
- Mr. Cobra Bubbles: New job. Model citizen.
- [Puts on sunglasses; one of the lenses pops off]
- Mr. Cobra Bubbles: Good day.
- Grand Councilwoman: Can we not simply destroy the island?
- Pleakley: NO, crazyhead! The mosquito's food of choice, primitive humanoid lifeforms, have colonies all over that planet.
- Grand Councilwoman: Are they intelligent?
- Pleakley: No. But they're very delicate. In fact, every time an asteroid strikes their planet, they have to begin life all over. Fascinating, isn't it?
- Lilo: Elvis Presley was a model citizen. I've compiled a list of his traits for you to practice. Number one... is dancing!
- Rescue lady: You have to think of a name for him.
- Lilo: His name is... "Stitch."
- Rescue lady: But that's not a real name...
- [Nani gesturing "NO"]
- Rescue lady: in... Iceland. But here it's a good name! "Stitch" it is.
- Gantu: What is that monstrosity?
- Jumba: Monstrosity? What you see before you is the first of a new species. I call it Experiment 626. He is fire-proof, bullet-proof, and can think faster than super computer. He can see in the dark, and lift objects three thousand times his size. His only instinct... to destroy everything he touches! Ha ha ha ha!
- Grand Councilwoman: So it IS a monster.
- Jumba: Eh, just a little one.
- Lilo: [Nani is taking Stitch outside] He was an orphan and we adopted him! What about "ohana"?
- Nani: He hasn't been here that long!
- Lilo: Neither have I. Dad said "ohana" means family.
- [Nani stops]
- Lilo: "Ohana" means family. Family means...
- Lilo, Nani: ...nobody gets left behind.
- Lilo: Or...?
- Nani: ...or forgotten. I know, I know. I hate it when you use "ohana" against me.
- Gantu: [as the ship jolts] What was that?
- Second Alien: I... don't think he's on the ship anymore...
- Alien: Confirmed! He's taken a police cruiser.
- Second Alien: Yeah... he took the red one.
- Pleakley: Look! A mosquito has chosen me as her perch. She's so beautiful. Look, another one! And another one! Why, it's a whole flock! They like me! They're nuzzling my flesh with their noses! Now they're... they're... Aaaaaaaah!