- Jonny: My daughter will want for nothing. She'll have dollies-a-plenty. And bears but no clowns, they scare me. And on a perfect summer's eve, when the sun dances like... Michael Flatley... after our dinner of spaghetti hoops, we shall run like Billy-ho himself, down to a sea so calm it would make Des Lynam look like a big, scary wolfman. She will be the most cherished little girl in the whole world. My little Ferrari.
- Janet: Jonny, I'm not pregnant.
- Jonny: Oh thank fuck for that!
- Gaz: I need a sort of... a sort of chunky woman, you know, who brings me sandwiches and puts Matey in me bath.
- Gaz: Donna - I've never asked you this before and it seems a bit stupid since we've been shagging each other's brains out for the last month but... would you like to go for a drink sometime?
- Louise: You've never practiced safe sex in your life. You've picked up more dirt than a JCB in your time!
- Donna: I'm fine with porn. What I'm not fine with is enough porn to keep the entire British forces from missing their girlfriends!
- Janet: I got into his head. It's amazing what a bit of male psychological manipulation can do. And getting my baps out on the first date didn't do any harm either...
- Gaz: [the song Gaz sings every night before he sleeps so not to dream about sheep] Bringing in the sheep, bringing in the sheep. What do we do before we sleep? We bring in all the sheep.