White Cargo

WHITE CARGO is, if you will, a scuzzy, British comedy version of THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY, with a then-unknown David Jason taking on the role of the cowardly guy who dreams himself to be a superhero. Before long, what do you know, he's found himself involved in a plot involving spies and a criminal gang, and he has to beat the odds to get the ladies and win the day.

Made during the scuzzy early 1970s and scripted by the almost-legendary David McGillivray (FRIGHTMARE), this is an oddly tame entry into the British sex comedy genre that turns out to have no sex and very little nudity in it. Don't get me wrong, there are some lovely ladies present here - including the tragic Imogen Hassall, in a central role - but not much is actually done with them, apart from using them as window dressing.

The quality of WHITE CARGO is pretty low, but the presence of Jason lifts it from obscurity and he can be relied on to give a good performance at the very least. There's also a nice role for Dave Prowse (HORROR OF FRANKENSTEIN), who starts out as a strip club bouncer but gets a more substantial role later on. Inevitably, WHITE CARGO is dated and largely unfunny, but as a snapshot of its era it works a treat.

Forget the plot, this film has one purpose only now and that is as a record of just how lovely Imogen Hassell was. The film itself is not an exception in being tedious or embarrassing, in-fact its part of the norm of early 1970s British Comedy Films. The common factor in all these films is, it appears that the director is out to lunch or maybe even gone home all together? The result is you have various egos struggling to steal the scenes with puerile skits and maybe even adding their two pence worth to the script? That is not say it is not watchable, it is at a certain time of day and is still a reminder of perhaps more innocent times?, and therefore something you can sit and watch with all the family,while your having an argument about something else.

Albert Toddey (David Jason) is a homely lonely guy. He goes to a strip club and rescues Stella from a thug. Or did he? She takes him home and tells him that girls have been disappearing. Two men comes and snatches away the girl while Albert is in the other room. He finds a note with Arabic writing. He continues to search for the missing stripper while his daydreams keep getting into the way. There are two bumbling immigration agents investigating Albert and the disappearances. The girls are being sold into white slavery to the middle east.

This is frighteningly bad. It's suppose to be a comedy to somebody but I couldn't tell you who that audience would be. I guess this was the state of British comedy at the time. Imogen Hassall is the only compelling personality in this. David Jason is playing too dumb and too pathetic. None of it struck me as being funny. I was interested in seeing the girls get rescued which kept me watching until the end. But I wasn't happy about it. It's a short movie and I couldn't wait for it to end after an hour. The last section is one bad slapstick after another. I made it to the end and I'm giving that a 2.

There was one reason, and one reason only, that I watched this film (in 2006) and that was because David Jason, everyone's favourite British TV sit-com star, was in it. He must cringe every time this film is mentioned! The plot is awful, the acting is awful and the sets (such as they are)are low budget. I have given this 2 because there are one or two genuinely funny moments but the overall score should be minus one! I'm sure that (in 1973) the attractive ladies (with attractive bosoms!) would have a stimulating effect but nowadays, nope! Imogen Hassall, a lovely lady who decorated many a cinema screen, must also look at this with horror. Having said all this, I'm sure David and Imogen were laughing all the way to the bank! Don't bother to watch it.

This unrepentantly ribald, pratfall-laden 70s farce is curiously under-documented, and in the rare occasions it is discussed, the film is summarily dismissed as though an especially ill tempered Tom Cat! Which is somewhat surprising, as this rather jocular, low-rent Walter Mitty-esque fable has a deliciously whimsical performance from future national treasure David Jason as the daydreaming drip Albert Toddey, whose frequently lurid flights of fancy usually take the suave form of his sexy, nattily attired,super Stoic, super spy alter ego, adored by women, greatly feared by all mortal men, but in his dour, day-to-day reality, this diminutive dolt, while yearning for adventure inadvertently finds himself in the heady midst of a ludicrously far-fetched, back of a match-book plot of cartoonishly cackling villainy, and their rather unsophisticated flesh-peddling racket. 'White Cargo' is undeniably silly, and for the most part, it is entirely intentional, David Jason's steely-haired, erstwhile Bond cuts quite a dash, and his fluency with physical comedy has a keen, Buster Keaton vibrancy, and the estimable comedian is vigorously supported by brawny cult hero David Prowse, and fellow 'The Saint' alumnus, the no less statuesque Imogen Hassell is a buxom joy to behold! While frequent Pete Walker collaborator David McGillvray's episodic script sometimes lacks finesse, it nonetheless keeps things moving along with noisome alacrity, and the pleasingly sprightly score by David 'Shatter' Lindup is certainly a jaunty enough affair. While 'White Cargo' is, perhaps, a little over burdened with mediocrity it still proves to be more fun than some might have led you to believe.