- Head Elf: Lot of mail today.
- Toby: Even more than yesterday. Why do people wait so long? It's already Christmas Eve.
- Head Elf: Oh they've been doing that ever since I can remember. You know one year I got a letter at 6 P.M., special delivery, Henry Atkins, seems he couldn't make up his mind what color he wanted, he liked both red and yellow.
- Toby: What did you do?
- Head Elf: Well we built him a yellow truck with big red wheels. Well he sent us a very nice thank you note the next year.
- Mrs. Buzzard: Aha, smelt the oatmeal, didn't you?
- Toby: We need your help, Santa's been kidnapped.
- Mrs. Buzzard: Ha! Don't put me on, you know I can check on things like that.
- Toby: We even got a ransom call.
- Mrs. Buzzard: Well, we better look into this.
- Toby: [sees Santa tied up in Mrs. Buzzard's crystal ball] Oh no, where is he?
- Mrs. Buzzard: 4 degrees south and 3 degrees west. I used to live near there, the boys would play in the woods, I'd make them oatmeal in the morning. 4 degrees south, 3 degrees west, hm.
- Toby: We've got to get Santa back.
- Mrs. Buzzard: We? We? I can't do anything, I can't get out of here.
- Toby: Why not?
- Mrs. Buzzard: The Wizard of Xander and I had a little, tiff some years ago and he shut me up in here, with this perfectly useless key, supposed to be magic. It never did a thing for me but you might as well take it. Now, if you figure out how it works, you have to promise to get me out of this dump.
- Toby: [reads the note on the magic key] This magic key fits a magic door, one can't do it, you must have more. What does that mean?
- Mrs. Buzzard: Ha!
- Toby: And how am I going to find 4 degrees south and 3 degrees west?
- Mrs. Buzzard: Oh any old compass will do that. Now go on, get out of here, my oatmeal's getting cold!
- Buzzard Brother #1: It's not our fault we're bad.
- Buzzard Brother #2: Our mother went off to buy Christmas presents and never came back.
- Buzzard Brother #1: I was only 6.
- Buzzard Brother #2: We have a right to be bad.
- Santa Claus: No, no one has a right to be bad. You had a bad break, so do a lot of other people, but you're responsible for your own lives.
- Buzzard Brother #2: We even got thrown out of school.
- Buzzard Brother #1: Twice.
- Santa Claus: You had a second chance, and you still messed up.
- Buzzard Brother #1: We're not messing up this time.
- Buzzard Brother #2: We're going to have more toys than anyone else.
- Buzzard Brother #1: We'll have the best Christmas of all.
- Toby: They don't understand, do they? That Christmas isn't about presents.
- Santa Claus: No, and we can't explain it to them.
- Toby: Why is it so important to have more than anybody else?
- Santa Claus: They want to feel successful, better than everyone else. Toys they can count, you can't count love or kindness or knowledge, but deep down most people know those things are more important. Maybe when these boys have all the presents but no friends, no one to care about, they'll realize that things are not the most important part of life.
- Smitty: [bouncing on a toy horse twirling a lasso] I'm ready.
- [Hoot walks in the door, Smitty misses snaring him]
- Smitty: One more time. Ready.
- [tries again and fails]
- Smitty: You're walking too fast.
- Hoot: What if the bad guys walk fast? What if they walk 3 feet apart?
- Smitty: I'll get one and you'll get the other.
- Hoot: I can't twirl a rope.
- Smitty: You'll tackle him. Like a football player.
- Trixie: What're we going to do? Even if we give them the toys, there's no guarantee they'll let Santa go. And think of all the children, they'll get up tomorrow morning and there'll be no new presents under the tree. They'll never believe in Santa Claus again. We've got to do something.
- Head Elf: Trixie, we don't know who they are, we don't know where they are, we don't know where they're keeping Santa, we've got to give them the toys.
- Buzzard Brother #1: [holding the magic key] I wish I could see my mother.
- [the magic door appears]
- Toby, Santa Claus: You have to say it together.
- Toby: Both of you.
- Buzzard Brother #1, Buzzard Brother #2: I wish I could see my mother.
- [door opens]
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What was the official certification given to The Elf and the Magic Key (1993) in the United States?
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