Quotes

Bringing Down the House

Howie Rottman: I'd like to dip you in Cheez Wiz and spread you all over a Ritz cracker, if I'm not being too subtle.
Charlene Morton: Boy, you some kinda freaky!
Howie Rottman: Oh, you have no idea. You got me straight trippin', boo!

Peter Sanderson: I message for you. Howie says, 'The cool points out the window and you got him all twisted up in the game.'
Charlene Morton: That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.

Georgey Sanderson: [reading an article from an adult magazine] Dad, what's a rack?
Peter Sanderson: It's a country.

Ashley: [to Peter, about Charlene] What is she doin' here?
Charlene Morton: Oh, get used to it, twiggy; you're gonna be seein' a lot more of me around here!
Ashley: [to Peter, about Charlene] Not without a broom in your hand.
Charlene Morton: If I HAVE a broom, it's only cuz I'm here to sweep up the white trash!
Ashley: Save it for the Y.M.C.A, Jemimah.
Charlene Morton: Bitch! I will kick the bulimia outta yo' ass!

Mrs. Arness: [to Charlene] Oh, just one moment... you know, there's a lovely, sad, Negro spiritual...
[Sarah chokes on her food]
Mrs. Arness: Ivy's brother used to... uh, are you all right?
[Sarah nods weakly and takes a sip of her drink]
Mrs. Arness: Anyway, Ivy's brother used to sing this when he came in from the tobbaco fields...
[begins to sing]
Mrs. Arness: Mmmm..."Mama, is master going to sell us tomorrow? Yes, yes, yes! Mama, is master going to sell us tomorrow? Yes, yes, yes! Mama... is master going to sell ME to-mor-or-or-row..."

Mike: [Charlene's hanging Mike by his feet off the top of a house after finding out he got rough with Sarah to have sex with her] Please don't kill me! Oh God! Pull me up!
Charlene Morton: Yo Sarah! Mike has something he wants to say,
[to Mike]
Charlene Morton: say sorry!
Mike: I'm sorry!
Charlene Morton: Say sorry!
Mike: [louder] I'm sorry!
Charlene Morton: Say no means no!
Mike: No means no!

Ashley: Oh, I can't talk about it 'cause gangsta people will come to my house and cut me.

Howie Rottman: Do me a favor, precious: don't ever scare me like that again, or I'm gonna give you a nasty spankie... if I'm not being too subtle!
Charlene Morton: [smiles] He's such a damn freak!

Peter Sanderson: And believe me, Sarah is going places!
[Charlene looks out the window to see Sarah sneaking out and getting into a car with a boy]
Charlene Morton: Oh, she's going places alright.

Mrs. Kline: Those latin people that were skulking around here earlier...
Peter Sanderson: Oh, they were looking at that house down the street.
Mrs. Kline: Casing it?
Peter Sanderson: No, no, they were looking to buy.
Mrs. Kline: Oh, please. If those people are on this block and not holding a leaf blower...
Peter Sanderson: We'll talk more about this later, Mrs. Kline!

Peter Sanderson: [nervously] Don't you just love being our nanny, Charlene?
Charlene Morton: [pauses]
[speaking in a fake Southern Accent]
Charlene Morton: Yessir. I'm gonna go on down to de pool wit' de children. Make fun of de white folks again.

Kate Sanderson: [on the phone] Hello?
Ashley: Hey, it's me.
Kate Sanderson: Oh, hi, Ashley. Everything okay?
Ashley: I don't know. I saw Peter hanging out at the club today. He was mingling with a large black woman.
Kate Sanderson: What? What are you talking about?
Ashley: He said it was his nanny. She didn't look like any nanny I'd ever seen. She was all... tattooed and banjee and welfarish. It was...
[Kate laughs as Glen was flirting with her]
Ashley: [thinking Kate was laughing at her] Oh, is that funny to you? Is that funny? Am I funny to you.
Kate Sanderson: No, no. That's not funny
Ashley: Were you laughing at me?
Kate Sanderson: Oh. I wasn't -
[to Glen]
Kate Sanderson: Stop. Get away.
[back to Ashley on the phone]
Kate Sanderson: No, I wasn't laughing at you. Just... hang on. You know, look, I know Peter, I know him. He's not gonna spend all this time taking care of the kids. He went and hired somebody!
Ashley: Seriously, Kate! This woman was no nanny. You need to do something. I saw this woman. I was there and you weren't. Shouldn't you look at least be looking at references?
Kate Sanderson: [to Glen] Thank you. Thank you.
[back to Ashley]
Kate Sanderson: Listen, Peter is nothing if not responsible. It's not like he's gonna hire a convicted felon.
Ashley: Oh, I wouldn't be too sure about that.

Peter Sanderson: Charlene, what is this particular taste? It's familiar, yet... what is it, some sort of an herb, like sage?
Charlene Morton: Naw... it's more like a milk of mint.
Peter Sanderson: Well, whatever it is, the taste is explosive!
Charlene Morton: Well, good then! Enjoy!

Charlene Morton: [to Peter] You lock me out, no money, no place to go, a sister got to get her cheese on.

Peter Sanderson: [to Ashley] Why don't you go back to the vodka bottle you crawled out of?

Georgey Sanderson: Dad's here.
Kate Sanderson: Thank you, sweetie pie.
[kisses Georgey]
Ashley: [to Georgey] Don't worry, sweetie. Daddy's stupid, too, and he became a lawyer.
Kate Sanderson: Ashley!
Georgey Sanderson: I'm not stupid.
Kate Sanderson: That's right.
Ashley: No, no, no. Of course not.

Peter Sanderson: Well, let me just go check if there's enough food. I'm not... I'm not sure, because, uh, actually, this is the night of, uh... , Yiminum, the, uh, holiday where white people eat very little portions because that was the night the Lord came down, and he was given food, and there was just too much and he said "No", and so he had a smaller portion, and that's why we might not have enough. So, I'll just go check on, uh, what the Lord would say, just one second!

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