Blood of the Samurai

I still don't know why I forced myself to sit through the whole thing. This "film" wasn't worth the Memorex DVD-R it was burned on; I thought I was watching the end result of a group of middle schoolers stealing their parents' camcorder. This is by far the worst movie ever made. I truly, from the bottom of my heart, want to sue Aaron Yamasato for the two hours he stole from my life.

So apparently, it's supposed to be bad on purpose; However, if you should end up in Hell and are forced to watch this 90-minute coil of doo-doo, you'll see that Yamasato is really trying hard to make an awesome flick. The actors attempt dramatic kick-ass performances comparable to Crimson Tide but come closer to The Marine.

The crap acting is just the tip of the iceberg. The camera angles are awful. The story is C-movie at best-- the plot isn't even good enough to be considered B-movie caliber. The dialogue attempts to be dynamic and witty, but is crap like everything else. Rumor has it that a hard copy of the screenplay actually attracts flies. Plus, the techno score is annoying... not because it's techno, but because it's NON-STOP. That's right, the music plays in the background THE WHOLE TIME, acting as a subliminal reminder of how bad this thing is. I don't care what the disclaimer claims, I don't buy it. BOTS was not made this bad on purpose, because it takes itself WAY too serious for what it was: a joke.

This "film" was very low-budget. But that is no excuse for its record-setting suck factor. Great films are born of substance, not budget. BOTS had neither.

Allow me to further articulate the overwhelming power of this 90-minute waste of time: if I were having a three-way with Jessica Alba and Jessica Biel in front of a TV and Blood of the Samurai came on, I'd be out of there quicker than Steven Seagal in Executive Decision.

Undoubtedly, some people will try to defend the movie. Two, maybe three. They'll say, "it's grindhouse chop-socky!" or "cheesy in a good way!" or "it's so bad, it's good!" Those people are idiots. A movie is either good, or it's bad. There's no such thing as a good bad movie. But there ARE such things as idiots that like crappy movies. Don't get me wrong; there are lots of cornball not-to-be-taken-seriously movies out there that are enjoyable and entertaining. Slither is one. BOTS is not.

This suckfest runs about an hour and a half, and in my humble opinion, it's 90 minutes too long. The best thing about this "film" is the DVD cover, so next time you're near the Wal-Mart DVD bargain bin, take a look at it-- DON'T TOUCH IT, just look-- and quietly walk away.

I didn't really know what to expect from this movie except it obviously had samurais and there may be a lot of gore. Well after seeing it I was very disappointed that I payed $16 bucks for the DVD, because I felt rather ripped off (although I should be lucky that I didn't pay the $19.99 that I see it listed as in many other places).

The only "gore" in the movie is the beginning when some chick gets cut in half, but even then it's so damn cheesy looking it becomes rather pointless. I think it would have been better without the cheesy-looking mannequin. Other than that, we see a lot of blood, especially towards the end.

I give credit that the director does have ideas and his mind set in the right place, but the script and directing definitely needed a lot more work. The hand-held cam really wasn't doin' it for me and the dialogue was just horrible.

As for action, it is decent for its budget, but the choreography could have been executed a lot better. It doesn't look like they practiced much. I wouldn't recommend this movie unless you can get it for $5 bucks and have an appreciation for incredibly cheesy low-budget flicks. I gave this a 5.

Trash/bad movies usually ain't bad because I will find them enjoyable. This one is so bad that I am out of words to describe it - its below "bad". There is an instruction in the beginning of the film that tell you what to do during the movie. Needless to say, the instruction and a dozen of beer couldn't help me seat through the entire film. One tagliner compares this one to KILLBILL which is certainly unthinkable and an insult to our intelligent. Obviously. this tagliner had a plan to tempt you into buying this DVD.

If you are considering renting this one, put it down! If you are thinking of buying, Dont think! If you unlucky to have this dvd, dont play it, throw it in trash bin immediately.

Anyone who thinks KILL BILL is the first and last word in chambara/grindhouse kung fu films really need to see this earlier film.

BLOOD OF THE SAMURAI may not have a hip soundtrack, name actors, or much of a budget, but it does have a lot of love for the genre. It borrows from HOUSE WHERE EVIL DWELLS, NINJA III: THE DOMINATION, and every show ever on KIKU-TV, but it doesn't have a rip-off feel to it the way KILL BILL does. Oh yeah, it also beats KB's over the top blood spurting with some interesting (and surprising) effects by Screaming Mad George.

If you wanna see an honest tribute instead of someone's egofest, watch this!

I first saw BLOOD OF THE SAMURAI at its premiere during the Hawaii International Film Festival. WOW! Blood just blew us away with its sheer verve, gore, vitality, gore, excitement, gore, utter campiness, and even more gore, and all in SUCH GREAT FUN! Especially for those of you who enjoy all those Japanese chambara samurai and ninja films, YOU DEFINITELY HAVE TO SEE BLOOD!