Steve Carell: Hammy

Over the Hedge

Hammy

Ozzie: But this house is like a fortress. Walls, so high. Doors, impenetrable. How will we get in?
RJ: The collar is the key.
[Shows video on cell phone of Tiger entering door]
RJ: Literally, the collar is like a key that opens the door, and if...
Stella: And what? You think he's just gonna hand over his collar to you?
RJ: Not to me, my femme fatale. To you.
Verne: Her?
Stella: Me?
RJ: You, Stella, will get that cat to give you his collar by using...
Stella: My stink.
RJ: ...your feminine charms.
Hammy the Squirrel: Ha ha ha! - Was that out loud?

Hammy the Squirrel: What is that?
RJ: That, my friend, is a magical combination of corn flour, dehydrated cheese solids, BHA, BHT, and good old MSG; a.k.a., the chip, nacho cheese flavor.

RJ: Please don't think I'm prying, but I couldn't help overhearing, and I think I can shed a little light on what this whole hedge situation is about. You see, what was once mere wilderness is now 54 acres of man-made, manicured, air-conditioned paradise.
[Points at map]
RJ: Except for that little-bitty speck. You are here.
[All gasp]
RJ: No, no, that's a good thing. You're hibernators, right? You gather up a bunch of food, store it away for the winter?
Hammy the Squirrel: Aha! We fill the log!
Verne: Hammy.
RJ: Really? This log? This cave-like log?
Ozzie: All the way to the top.
Verne: Ozzie.
RJ: Let me ask ya, how long's it take, you know, to fill the log?
Heather: Two-hundred and seventy-four days.
RJ: Ooh! Ever done it in a week?
Verne: That's impossible.
RJ: Not if we work together. You see, you've got the food-gathering skills, I've got the know-how, and they have the food.
Heather: How much food?
RJ: Loads of food! Heaps of food! Food out the wazoo!
Verne: Well, you know, whatever kind of food comes out of a wazoo, I really don't think we're interested in eating.
Lou: I don't know. The guy's making a lot of sense to me. I think we should listen.
Penny: Yeah. I'm okay with wazoo food there.

Ozzie: O great and powerful Steve! What do you want?
Verne: I-I don't think it can speak.
Debbie: [From other side of hedge] I heard that, young man!
[Others are shocked; Ozzie plays dead]
Debbie: You get over here right now!
Hammy the Squirrel: Okay.
Verne: Hammy, get back here.
Hammy the Squirrel: But Steve is angry.
Verne: I think it came from the other side of Steve - I mean, the bush. I mean... Geez!

RJ: And there they are. America's most coveted cookies. Love Handles, Skinny Mints, Neener-Neeners, and Smackeroons. And guess what? They're all yours!
[Hammy jumps, but RJ stops him]
RJ: Whoa, Hamilton. Hold on there, fella. I love your energy, but you just can't take them.
Hammy the Squirrel: But you just said they're mine.
RJ: They will be, if we successfully marry your manic energy to my brilliant plan. You with me, kid?
Hammy the Squirrel: I... I... I...
RJ: The ayes have it. Let's ride.

Verne: [to RJ] You see what you've done here? If they listen to half the stuff you're telling them, they'll be dead within a week! You are only interested in taking advantage of them because they are too stupid and naive to know any better!
Hammy the Squirrel: [growing solemn] I'm not stupid.
Verne: [noting the family's reaction] Okay, I didn't mean, uh... I meant... ignorant! To the... ways over... over, over there.
[they begin walking away]
Verne: C'mon you guys, you know I didn't mean it like that. Don't... don't do this. Stella... Ozzie?
[stops Hammy]
Verne: Hammy? You know I didn't... Hammy?
Hammy the Squirrel: [pushes him away] I'm not stupid...

RJ: [Lays down some Monopoly play pieces to signify what they will do] Okay, this is us.
Hammy the Squirrel: Can I be the car?
Bucky: I wanna be the car!
Spike: I'm the car. You be the shoe.
Bucky: The shoe is lame.
Lou: Why don't you be that snazzy-looking iron there?
RJ: Hey! It's not important. Besides, I'm the car. I'm *always* the car.

Hammy the Squirrel: [energetic] Where's the food? It's there any food left? I'm really hungry, so it's there any food left there, huh?
Heather: We ate all the food, Hammy, during the winter? So we're just about get some more now.
Hammy the Squirrel: Oh, right! I buried my nuts in the woods. I know where they are. I'll be right back. Bye!
[Hammy zips off. A drop of snow from the branch falls on Ozzie's head. He gasps and plays dead. The triplets laughs at Ozzie]
Heather: [chuckles nervously] Dad, it's just snow.
Ozzie: But, it could've been a predator.
Heather: Isn't playing dead a little... weak?
Ozzie: Heather, how many times must I say it? Playing possum is what we do. We die, so that we live!

RJ: Now listen, champ. Okay, what we're goin' for here is a vicious, man-eating, rabid squirrel. Can you handle that?
Hammy the Squirrel: Umm, excuse me!
[Raises hand]
RJ: Yes, Hammy?
Hammy the Squirrel: Rabbits aren't vicious. They're all cute and cuddly, so...
RJ: *Rabid*, not rabbit.
Hammy the Squirrel: Oh! Huh?

[after the credits, RJ tries to take all the food in the vending machine, but they get stuck]
Hammy the Squirrel: Well, this is anti-climactic