Eugene Levy credited as playing...
Lou
- RJ: Please don't think I'm prying, but I couldn't help overhearing, and I think I can shed a little light on what this whole hedge situation is about. You see, what was once mere wilderness is now 54 acres of man-made, manicured, air-conditioned paradise.
- [Points at map]
- RJ: Except for that little-bitty speck. You are here.
- [All gasp]
- RJ: No, no, that's a good thing. You're hibernators, right? You gather up a bunch of food, store it away for the winter?
- Hammy the Squirrel: Aha! We fill the log!
- Verne: Hammy.
- RJ: Really? This log? This cave-like log?
- Ozzie: All the way to the top.
- Verne: Ozzie.
- RJ: Let me ask ya, how long's it take, you know, to fill the log?
- Heather: Two-hundred and seventy-four days.
- RJ: Ooh! Ever done it in a week?
- Verne: That's impossible.
- RJ: Not if we work together. You see, you've got the food-gathering skills, I've got the know-how, and they have the food.
- Heather: How much food?
- RJ: Loads of food! Heaps of food! Food out the wazoo!
- Verne: Well, you know, whatever kind of food comes out of a wazoo, I really don't think we're interested in eating.
- Lou: I don't know. The guy's making a lot of sense to me. I think we should listen.
- Penny: Yeah. I'm okay with wazoo food there.
- Dr. Dennis: [On TV] Get real, Kevin, 'cause when you feel like a dirtbag, it's because you're a dirtbag. Right? So just own it. Say it out loud: "I am a dirtbag."
- Lou: Dirtbag? I don't think that guy's a real doctor.
- RJ: [Lays down some Monopoly play pieces to signify what they will do] Okay, this is us.
- Hammy the Squirrel: Can I be the car?
- Bucky: I wanna be the car!
- Spike: I'm the car. You be the shoe.
- Bucky: The shoe is lame.
- Lou: Why don't you be that snazzy-looking iron there?
- RJ: Hey! It's not important. Besides, I'm the car. I'm *always* the car.
- Lou: Hey, Verno. I took a few clippings out of my quills to do a little comparison. Look at this, the grass seems to be greener over here.
- Stella: What'll we do for food?
- Verne: I don't know. But here's what I do know. We will be fine as long as no one goes over Steve again.
- RJ: It's called a hedge, and it is not to be feared, my amphibious friend. It is the gateway to the good life.
- Verne: Uh, I'm a reptile, actually. But, you know, it's a common mistake. And, uh, you are?
- RJ: Oh, where are my manners. I'm RJ. Now please don't think I'm prying, but I couldn't help overhearing, and I think I could shed a little light on what this whole hedge situation is about.
- [Pulls out a map]
- RJ: You see, what was once mere wilderness is now 54 acres of man-made, manicured, air conditioned paradise. Except for that little bitty speck. You are here.
- [They all gasp]
- RJ: No, no, that's a good thing. You're hibernators, right? You gather up a bunch of food, store it away for the winter?
- Hammy the Squirrel: Uh-huh. We fill the log.
- Verne: Hammy.
- RJ: Really? This log? This cave like log?
- Ozzie: All the way to the top.
- Verne: Ozzie.
- RJ: Let me ask ya, how long does it take, you know, to fill the log?
- Heather: Two hundred and seventy-four days.
- RJ: Ooh! Ever done it in a week?
- Verne: That's impossible.
- RJ: Not if we work together. You see, you've got the food gathering skills, I've got the know how, and they have the food.
- Heather: How much food?
- RJ: Loads of food. Heaps of food. Food out of the wazoo!
- Verne: Well, you know, whatever kind of food comes out of a wazoo, I really don't think we're interested in eating.
- Lou: I don't know, the guy's making a lot of sense to me. I think we should listen.
- Penny: Yeah, I'm okay with wazoo food there.
- Verne: No, you're not. The tail is tingling.
- RJ: Hold on, hold on. The what is what?
- Verne: When something doesn't feel right, my tail tingles. And let me tell you something, everything you said so far is driving my tail crazy.
- RJ: Listen. Verne, right? This isn't something you need to be afraid of.
- Verne: Well, I am. And for good reason.
- [Shows him a stainmark on his shell]
- Verne: This is not a birthmark.
- [RJ cleans it off with a toothbrush]
- RJ: Ah, that's because you went over there without a guide, Verne.
- Verne: Whatever. Thanks for stopping by. We're not interested.
- RJ: Not interested in the most delicious food you've ever tasted?
- Verne: No!
- RJ: Come on.
- Verne: Not interested.
- RJ: Okay. I get it. I understand. This is something that you're just not open to.
- [Opens up a bag of Doritos the gust of wind is so strong it pushes everyone backwards]
- Hammy the Squirrel: What is that?
- RJ: That, my friend, is a magical combination of corn flour, dehydrated cheese solids, BHA, BHT and good old MSG, a.k.a.the chip. Nacho cheese flavor.
- Lou: Good morning, everyone. Just a super-duper morning, eh?
- Penny: Oh, jeepers.
- Lou: Whoa, not lookin' so good around the eyes there, hon.
- Penny: Bucky and Quillo woke up every three or four weeks, and Spike kept poking me.
- Lou: Yeah, well he is kinda pokey.
- Penny: Yep, he sure is the sharpest of the bunch there.
- Lou: You know what? How about I take the day shift?
- Penny: Oh, Lou, that would be just super.
- Lou: All right, kids. You heard your Mother and now you listen to me. Shape up there.
- [the Porcupine Triplets playfully tackles Lou]