- Dustin: [being hauled into the van to go on tour] I need to go back Eric; I need to get my special pillow.
- [Dustin and Eric are having a serious conversation when someone farts]
- Matt: Greetings from the interior...
- Eric: Matt!
- Sweet Lou: I think I can taste that one...
- [Another fart is let loose]
- Eric: MATT!
- Matt: That wasn't me.
- Bell Clerk: Sorry, that was me. Whoo! Can I have my underwear back?
- [Guys take off in van]
- Dustin: You know what, I remember Matt listening to your crap, and look where that got him. The guy is a complete stain.
- Eric: That's where Matt deceives you.
- Dustin: I don't think Matt deceives me.
- Eric: Because in actuallity he really know's which end is up.
- [Matt jumps off the roof of the house into the pool]
- Matt: It's the honeymoon suit.
- [makes porn music sounds]
- Matt: [Matt touches Dustin's nipple and Dustin punches him]
- Eric: So there's only one bed and there's four guys.
- [Matt and Dustin race to the bed where they start to pillow fight]
- Dustin: This is my side. Get off me.
- [Dustin pulls something from under the sheets]
- Dustin: Ah! Man-ties!
- [Dustin puts tighty-whities on Matt's head]
- Matt: AHHH!
- [matt pulls them off and throws them across the room while Dustin laughs histerically]
- Matt: You did not just find those in that bed!
- [Dustin is digging threw the garbage]
- Little Kid: Whatch ya doin'?
- Dustin: I dropped something and I'm looking for it.
- Little Kid: I had chili chesse fries, lots of them, and a chocolate shake.
- Dustin: Didn't your mom ever tell you not to talk to strangers?
- [Little kid throws up on Dustin]
- Dustin: I guess she didn't say anything about puking on them.
- Little Kid: Ha!
- [Dustin and Matt go on Jimmy's tour bus to put their demo tape on there]
- Matt: I've been holdin' it for two days, dude. It's about to go downtown.
- Dustin: That's a good idea; why don't you take a crap on his bus. He'd appcreciate that.
- [Matt enters bathroom while Dustin changes tapes]
- Dustin: [Matt starts to sing while he's pooping]
- Dustin: Dude, let's go.
- Matt: Whoa-ho! Dude, I might not get a piece of Jimmy Wilson, but he sure got a piece of me!
- Dustin: Dude, that smells like hermit crap.
- Eric: Excuse me sir...
- Scabby Security Guy: [turns around to reveal a nasty scab on his face]
- Dustin, Eric, Matt: Good lord
- [everyone screams, Matt grabs his own face]
- Eric: Get it away
- Scabby Security Guy: Yeah, what do you want?
- Dustin: Excuse me sir we are just here to see Jimmy. Is he in the scar, the car, the bus is that where he is?
- Scabby Security Guy: Thats a big no on Jimmy.
- Dustin: Good, thank you.
- Scabby Security Guy: [to Matt] What are you looking at pin-head.
- Matt: No.
- [after being blown off by a girl at a club]
- Dustin: Hold on, I'm gonna go get you another glass of bitch.
- Eric: But see, the truth is that Jimmy actually did want us to come over and say "What's up" so if you could just get us in for five minutes...
- Tour Manager: Yea, I could do that.
- Eric: You could do that?
- Tour Manager: Yea, I could do that, but I'm not going to do that, because I don't want to, and I... I just can't seem to find my way around that.
- Matt: [while changing blown tire on the van while Sweet Lou and the girl are in the van and it is rocking] Sweet Lou's all over this chick.
- Dustin: Why does that bother you so much?
- Matt: Because it's not happening to me.
- Dustin: Dude, maybe if you changed your clothes like one time there might be a... I don't know.
- Dustin: Guys, what are we doing in a clown college?
- Sarah Jensen: [Female clown appears] Matty!
- Matt: Hey, Mom.
- Sarah Jensen: We missed the hell out of you!
- Sweet Lou: Those are Matt's parents?
- Dustin: They really are clowns.
- Sarah Jensen: [Gets away and rubs her nose] You reek!
- Matt: Hey, Dad.
- Denise: [Girl appears] Matt?
- Matt: What's up?
- Denise: You smell funky.
- [Making fun of him]
- Denise: Wait, wait, don't tell me. Give me a second. I'm really good at this.
- Matt: I'm covered in shit.
- Denise: Oh!
- Sweet Lou: What's up?
- Denise: [Shoots a clown gun that shows a flag] Bang.
- Sweet Lou: I can't believe you're Matt's sister.
- Denise: Me either.
- Sweet Lou: So you want to... Wanna...
- Denise: [She takes his glasses off and put them on the table] "You want to...?" Do you wanna learn how to throw a pie?
- [puts a plate of pie on his hand]
- Denise: Bet you never turn down pie.
- [Licks her finger]
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