Jay Chandrasekhar credited as playing...
Putman
- Island Guest: [After hearing the Machete Phil story] Wait, wait... you're telling me that there's some totally deranged dickless dude running around out there?
- Dave: All I'm saying is: I don't go into the jungle alone if I can help it. 'Cause you can hear him, and I've heard him... crying out... "Where's my penis? Where's my penis? Where's my penis?"
- Putman: [suddenly stands up, his pants fall down; he is doing a "dick-tuck" so that it is not visible] And that boy was me!
- [shocked reactions from the group: some are screaming, some are laughing]
- Dave: [stands up, his pants fall down, he is doing a "dick-tuck", too] You're an asshole, Putman.
- [mad that Putman stole his punch-line]
- Putman: David, you hated him for killing your parents. You see, what none of us did know, what none of us could know, was that David's parents were trampled to death at a Coconut Pete concert.
- Jenny: What the hell's wrong with you Putman? Everyone knows Dave's parents got killed at a Pete show.
- Juan: Yeah, way to bring up a sore subject.
- Sam: [referring to lyrics from a Coconut Pete song] You know, octopus spelled backwards is supotco. Juan, isn't that Spanish for something?
- Juan: Supotco? No. But, the word for shoe is zapato.
- Sam: Hmm, shoe.
- Putman: [returning from being on stage] What'd I miss?
- Jenny: Apparently somebody's going to get killed with a shoe.
- Sam: Alright, Lars will probably come after us here.
- Jenny: We don't know for sure that it is Lars. We don't know if he got out, or if someone else got in.
- Sam: [accusing tone of voice] What is it with you and Lars? I'm beginning to wonder if you two aren't in cahoots! I mean, let's see. You had sex with Rolo, and he's dead. You and Cliff, right? He's dead.
- Jenny: [defending herself] Give me a break. I screwed Juan and Pete, and those guys aren't dead.
- Putman Livingston: [feeling hurt that Jenny never had sex with him] Bloody hell, Jen! Am I the only one?
- Putman: I was Andre Agassi's tennis partner for a week. I'm the one who taught 'Dre how to play Cocks and Quarters. Can you believe he'd never played Cocks and Quarters?
- Hank: All right, since there's no way off this rock, we're gonna have to catch this guy.
- Putman: Catch him? We couldn't even catch the bloody raccoon that was stealing my wristbands last month.
- Hank: You didn't ask me to catch the raccoon, did you, pimp? All right, now here's the plan: you're gonna give this wing-nut exactly what he wants. You're all gonna do your jobs.
- Juan: All right then, tell me something. How the hell are we esposed to do our jobs, when somebody is killing the deek out of everybody on the island?
- Hank: Take it easy there, menstrual cramp.
- The Killer (Putman Livingston): [the killer stands over Putman and takes off his mask to reveal the killer is Putman] Take that bag off your head, love, and give us a kiss.
- Putman Livingston: Wha...
- [the killer Putman plants a kiss right on real Putman's lips before he wakes up, it was a dream]