Jim Henson credited as playing...
Kermit the Frog • Rowlf • The Swedish Chef • Waldorf • Link Hogthrob
- Scooter (as Porthos): The villain has dropped something--perhaps it is a clue!
- Link Hogthrob (as Gummo): It is a crumpet.
- Scooter (as Porthos): A pumpernickel crumpet!
- The Great Gonzo (as Athos): [fighting the bandit] A pumpernickel crumpet?
- Scooter (as Porthos): And furthermore, it has lumps all over it.
- The Great Gonzo (as Athos): A lumpy pumpernickel crumpet?
- Link Hogthrob (as Gummo): A crumpy lumpernickel pumpet?
- Scooter (as Porthos): And in all of France, there is but one bakery which makes such a delicacy!
- The Great Gonzo (as Athos): And that bakery is?
- Scooter (as Porthos): Humperdinck's!
- The Great Gonzo (as Athos): Egad! Humperdinck's lumpy pumpernickel crumpet?
- Link Hogthrob (as Gummo): Egad! Humperdinck's lumpy humple-crumple pumplehumple...
- Scooter (as Porthos): And who is the man who loves Humperdinck's lumpy pumpernickel crumpets beyond all things?
- Link Hogthrob (as Gummo), The Great Gonzo (as Athos): We don't know, who?
- Scooter (as Porthos): That simplewimp the Scarlet Pimpernel!
- The Great Gonzo (as Athos): Yes it is!
- Scooter (as Porthos), The Great Gonzo (as Athos): It's that simplewimp Pimpernel and his Humperdinck's lumpy pumpernickel crumpets!
- [to audience]
- Scooter (as Porthos), The Great Gonzo (as Athos): Ta da!
- Link Hogthrob (as Gummo): Egad! It's that simplewimp Pimpernel and humpy-humper... humpy-dumple... Can we just get on with the story?
- [Backstage; Link comes hurtling through the air and lands on top of Miss Piggy. She untangles herself and stands up, furious]
- Miss Piggy: Do you know what you just did?
- Link Hogthrob: Yes, I flew through the air with the greatest of ease. The audience loved it. They wanted an encore.
- Miss Piggy: Well, let us not disappoint them.
- [karate chopping him]
- Miss Piggy: HIYA!
- Link Hogthrob (as Gummo): Egad, it's that simple wimp Pimpernel and lumpy gumpel shlumpel dumpel... can we just get on with the story?
- Scooter (as Porthos): Good idea! For there, the dreaded Scarlet Pimpernel is making his escape!
- The Great Gonzo (as Athos): Yoinks, Porthos! Thou art correct! Gummo, swing down on yond chandelier and capture yond Pimpernel!
- Link Hogthrob (as Gummo): Why me? I'm not the strong one.
- Scooter (as Porthos): No, you're the STUPID one!