David Schwimmer: Melman

Madagascar

Melman

Melman the Giraffe: [Melman presents Marty with a gift-wrapped thermometer]
Marty the Zebra: Aw a thermometer! Thanks! I love it Melman, I love it!
[he puts it in his mouth and poses]
Melman the Giraffe: I really wanted to give you a personal present. Do you know that was my first rectal thermometer?
Marty the Zebra: Motherf...
[Marty spits it out and retches]

Alex the Lion: [shouts] You maniac! You burned it up! Darn you! Darn you all to heck!
Melman the Giraffe: Can we go to the fun side now?

Alex the Lion: The wild? Are you nuts? That is the worst idea I have ever heard!
Melman the Giraffe: It's unsanitary!
Marty the Zebra: The penguins are going, so why can't I?
Alex the Lion: The penguins are psychotic!

[on the subway, Alex roars at a guy hiding behind a newspaper]
Alex the Lion: Augh! Knicks lost again!
Melman the Giraffe: Eh. Whatcha gonna do?
Train conductor: [over PA] Grand Central Station.
Alex the Lion: Did he just say "Grand Central Station," or "My aunt's constipation"?

Gloria the Hippo: Aww, you poor little baby, did that big mean lion scare you?
Mort the Mouse Lemur: Mm-hmm.
Gloria the Hippo: He did? He's a big fat old puddy-tat, isn't he?
Mort the Mouse Lemur: [gurgling and lifting arms up to be picked up]
Gloria the Hippo: Come on, mama hold you. Awww!
Melman the Giraffe: They are so cute from a reasonable distance.
Gloria the Hippo: Look at you! Aren't you the sweetest thing... aww I just wanna dunk him in my coffee!
Mort the Mouse Lemur: [giggling cutely]

Gloria the Hippo: Okay, let's make a good impression on the people. Smiles, everyone. Let's get it together.
[to Melman]
Gloria the Hippo: Is that the best you can do, Melman?
Melman the Giraffe: Oh, I'm not smiling. It's gas.
Gloria the Hippo: Okay, well, great. Let's make gas look good.

Gloria the Hippo: Melman! Are you okay?
Melman the Giraffe: Yeah. I often doze off while I'm getting an MRI.
Alex the Lion: Melman, you're not getting an MRI.
Melman the Giraffe: CAT scan?
Alex the Lion: No! No CAT scan! It's a transfer! It's a zoo transfer!
Melman the Giraffe: Zoo transfer? Oh, no. No, no. I can't be transferred. I have an appointment with Dr. Goldberg at five. There are prescriptions that have to be filled! No other zoo can afford my medical care! And I am NOT going HMO!
Marty the Zebra: Take it easy, Melman. We are gonna be o-kizzay.
Alex the Lion: No, we're not gonna be o-kizzay! Because of you, we're ruined!

Melman the Giraffe: San Diego.
Gloria the Hippo: San Diego?
Melman the Giraffe: White, sandy beaches; cleverly simulated natural environment; wide-open enclosures. I'm telling you, this could be the San Diego Zoo. Complete with fake rocks.
[Taps on a rock]
Melman the Giraffe: Wow, that looks real.

Alex the Lion: Come on! Melman, Melman, Melman! Melman, Melman, Melman! Wake up! Rise and shine! It's another fabulous day in the Big Apple. Let's go.
Melman the Giraffe: Not for me. I'm calling in sick.
Alex the Lion: What?
Melman the Giraffe: I found a bro... another brown spot on my shoulder, right here. See? Right th... right there. You see?
Alex the Lion: Melman, you know it's all in your head. Hm?