- Captain Mack: Ladies and Gentlemen, we have reached our cruising altitude of 33 thousand feet... 33 THOUSAND FEET? Oh shit, man! We fuckin' higher than Redman at the Source Awards!
- Captain Mack: Hey, y'all, what's crack-a-lackin'? This is your Soul Plane chauffeur, Captain Antoine Mack speaking... Welcome aboard NWA flight 069 from the 3-1-0 to the 2-1-2. It's time to bust this coney y'all. In a hot second, I'll be hittin' them switches and gettin' this bitch pumpin' and jumpin'. So screw your shit on tight and enjoy the flight.
- Gaeman: Please, man, I...
- Captain Mack: What part of "You ain't flying this motherfuckin' plane" don't you understand? Sit the fuck back and enjoy the flight, Idi Amin!
- Jamiqua: Now look I'm just here to find the little black box so I can wrap my big black ass around it. Now if I have to ride that tiny, indestructible motherfucker 30,000 feet to safety, trust you'll hear a bitch screaming 'Hi ho, Silver'. Where's the box? Where's the box?
- [last lines]
- Middle Eastern Passenger: This is the bomb!
- [everything goes silent]
- Middle Eastern Passenger: What...? Let's dance!
- Nashawn: Murderers! Murderers! You killed my dog, man. Y'all gonna pay for this! If I have to go on every talk show in America, y'all gonna pay! Oprah, Ricki Lake, Dr, Phil, bitch!
- Nashawn: I can't get out! My ass is stuck! Come on. God, please, I'm a Christian! My ass is touchin' the shit. I don't wanna die like this! Stewardess!
- Muggsy: I say we blow the first 20 mil on Rio. The next 20 mil, Bangkok. Homey, I hear they can do this thing...
- Jamiqua: You wanna say somethin'? I ain't slapped a bitch in two weeks. Yeah, I got a whole lot of strength in the slap-a-bitch arm.
- Karl Malone: Hunkee? Elvis Hunkee.
- Mr. Hunkee: Yeah.
- Karl Malone: Karl Malone. You know, I used to play basketball with you in high school.
- Mr. Hunkee: That's right. That's right. We used to call you "The Paperboy."
- Karl Malone: Yeah, that was then. I'm "The Mailman" now.
- Barbara: Where the hell is Terminal X?
- Mr. Hunkee: Relax, honey. Didn't we just have a great vacation in Crackerland?
- Karl Malone: You don't understand, I play for the Lakers now.
- Mr. Hunkee: Right, Karl. I don't think you understand. I used to play with you, man. You can't shoot, remember? That's why we never passed you the ball.
- Karl Malone: And I thought it was because I was the only brother on the team.
- Mr. Hunkee: No, no, no, Karl. It's 'cause you sucked!
- Karl Malone: Oh, I sucked?
- Mr. Hunkee: What are you gonna do? Go all - "postal" on me, Mr. Mailman?
- Mr. Hunkee: You are 17.
- Heather Hunkee: Fine. For a couple more hours, I'm 17 - and then I'll be 18. Then I can party - and have sex.
- Mr. Hunkee: Sex?
- Heather Hunkee: Yeah, sex!
- Mr. Hunkee: No, no.
- Heather Hunkee: Missionary, doggie-style, rockin' the baby, gettin' tea-bagged, playin' the trombone while I'm tossin' his salad, hand jobs, ear jobs, blow jobs, gettin' a pearl necklace, ridin' the bologna pony, sucking...
- Flame: Girl, there was duct tape and peanut butter everywhere. I told him, I don't care if you are a diplomat, I don't bend into that position. Girl, I ain't no circus freak.
- Captain Mack: Hey, where the cockpit at?
- Muggsy: You got that bong?
- Captain Mack: Whole bag of it, Preach.
- Captain Mack: Look here, partner, don't worry about me bein' late. What I'm gonna do here, I'm gonna take this hooptie of yours up another thousand feet, catch me a slipstream, and we gonna be there five minutes early. You know, real slick like hair grease, but with less mess. Can you dig it?
- Flame: Hi, fly boy. I just love the look of a man in uniform. 'Course, I like the look of a man out of uniform even better.
- Nashawn: Where's your uniform at, man?
- Captain Mack: You lookin' at it. The Mackin' is crackin'. This is how I come. I don't wear no square suits. I'm a player. We ride spinners. We ride spinners.
- Nashawn: Hello, everybody. Welcome to NWA Airlines. Here at NWA, safety is a very important part of flying, but let's be real. If something goes wrong, we're all going down, right?
- Barbara: [looking at the 'Penile Implants - Testical Enlargement' article in the "Black Proud" in-flight magazine] Oh, my sweet black Jesus!
- Captain Mack: Attention, all players. The upper deck will be open for your enjoyment. We have a passenger who just turned 18 years old. Her name is Heather Hunkee. And she is one cute little hottie with a whole lotta body. Oh, yeah. She'll be upstairs, so all players come up and keep her company.
- Flame: I know that look. I had that same look of regret right after I ran into Lee - my little Asian butterfly. Woo! We had a whirlwind romance that ended in heartbreak - and stomach pumpin'. When I saw him again, I tried to apologize, but I couldn't. I just felt so bad leaving him in that hospital all bloated and distended.
- Nashawn: Did you just grind on me?
- Flame: A little.
- Big Boy: All my pimps, players, and hustlers, y'all ready to set this motherfucker off, West Coast style? As you see, we up in the clouds. Got a gang of lovely ladies out there on the dance floor ready to go ahead and shake their ass and get their freak on. And to my fellas out there who ain't got no game - yeah, I'm talkin' to you, don't even trip on it - 'cause we ain't goin' nowhere. We locked in this bitch for four more hours till we touch down, so you might as well go ahead and get your swerve on.
- Lil' Jon (East Side Boys): [rapping] Shake it up real fast then stop, Shake it up real fast then stop, Shake it up real fast then drop, Shake it - real fast and drop...
- Big Boy: It's Big Booooooy! What's goin' down, y'all? We gonna keep this motherfucker crackin', until everybody in here pass the fuck out!
- Mr. Hunkee: Hey, what is tea-bagging?
- Nashawn: Oh! That's the shit! That's when you take your balls, right, and dip 'em in a freaky mouth. And you keep goin' up and down like - you see what I'm sayin'? And then you dip, right.
- Mr. Hunkee: I got it. Thank you.
- Mr. Hunkee: Listen, when I met my Barbara. I knew that moment I'd move heaven and earth to be with her. I knew that she was worth it.
- Nashawn: So you happy now?
- Mr. Hunkee: Not really. Last time I saw her, she was with this tall model type.
- Nashawn: A real handsome black guy?
- Mr. Hunkee: Yeah.
- Nashawn: Sittin' in low class?
- Mr. Hunkee: Yeah.
- Nashawn: Got a dick like a fire hose?
- Mr. Hunkee: Yeah.
- Nashawn: Yeah, you lost her.
- Mr. Hunkee: Yeah.
- Nashawn: [to the bartender] Can he get another one?
- Mr. Hunkee: Double.
- Nashawn: Have you talked to her - since?
- Mr. Hunkee: She can't talk. She must have vocal cord damage.
- Captain Mack: I'm gonna put this bitch on autopilot - so I can enjoy myself. Captain Mack need to just kick back and enjoy this motherfuckin' sit-u-a-tion.
- Heather Hunkee: Hi, Daddy.
- Mr. Hunkee: Happy birthday, Heather.
- Heather Hunkee: You mad at me?
- Mr. Hunkee: No, Actually, I'm just - glad to hear you call me Daddy for a change. It's been a while. Usually it's shithead or asshole or something like that.
- Heather Hunkee: I'm sorry. It's just - I hate that you're with Boobra.
- Mr. Hunkee: Barbara - and I are not together anymore.
- Captain Mack: This motherfuckin' bitch wants some more child support money 'cause she heard I got this job. I can't believe these hos nowadays.
- Heather Hunkee: I'm still upset that you and Mom aren't together.
- Mr. Hunkee: Well, I'm sorry about that, honey. But your Mom's with Dorothy now. I'd like to be with your Mom. Hell, I'd love to be with your Mom and Dorothy.