Jake Weber: Michael

Dawn of the Dead

Michael

Michael: Truck's not gonna make it to Fort Pastor.
Steve: No, forget the truck. That place is fucked, man. Bloodbath city.
Kenneth: How do you know?
Norma: We just came from there.
Kenneth: Is everyone there dead?
Steve: Or dead-ish.
Kenneth: [more firm tone] Is everyone there dead?
Steve: Yeah, in the sense that they all, sort of, fell down, and then... got up and... started eating each other.

Terry: [Deleted scene/Unrated Version scene]
[covers the corpses on the floor]
Terry: Somebody should say something.
Ana: Yeah.
Michael: Glen?
Glen: No.
Ana: You worked in a church.
Glen: I played the organ.
CJ: Come on, man. You must've heard the priest say something about life and death.
Glen: It was a job. I don't believe in God. I don't see how anyone could.

Michael: I want you to see this.
[shows how the chainsaw goes through the truck walls]
Michael: When those things are on the side of the bus, this'll get them off. Cool, huh?
Ana: Wow. That might be the most romantic thing anyone's ever shown me.
Michael: I'm trying here.

CJ: Excuse me, not to shit on anyone's riff here, but let me see if I grasp this concept, okay? You're suggesting that we take some fucking parking shuttles and reinforce them with some aluminum siding, and then just head on over to the gun store where we watch our good friend Andy play some cowboy-movie, jump-on-the-covered-wagon bullshit? Then we're going to drive across the ruined city through a welcome committee of a few hundred thousand dead cannibals. All so we can sail off into the sunset on this fucking asshole's boat?
[Points to Steve]
CJ: Head for some island that for all we know doesn't even exist?
Kenneth: Yeah.
Tucker: Pretty much, yeah.
Ana: [nods her head]
Michael: Yeah.
Steve: [gives a sarcastically enthusiastic "thumb up"]
CJ: Okay. I'm in.

Michael: Officer, sir, you do not want to go that way.
Ana: Why? What's that way?
Michael: It's pretty bad.
Andre: It's hell.
Kenneth: What about Fort Pastor?
Andre: Maybe if you had wings. The road's thick with those motherfuckers that way.
Kenneth: How do you know?
Andre: We just tried.
Michael: Back when there was eight of us. We're going to the mall.

Michael: There's no point in arguing about this. We need a solution. We need to get some food over there.
Steve: Okay. I have an idea. We draw straws and the loser runs across the lot with a ham sandwich.
Ana: Could you be a bigger prick?
Steve: I think so. But, you know, that's irrelevant. My question to you is, what's your plan?

Michael: [to Norma on her rescue] Well done.
Norma: Thanks.
Steve: Hey, I'm sorry, excuse me... when you two fellas are done blowing each other, maybe Davy Crockett could tell us the deal here?

Michael: [Everyone is sitting down to dinner] Before that I worked in a stationary store. And I drove a snowplow. Fixed copiers.
Steve: God, it's such a shame that this whole "end of the world" thing's holding you back.

Andre: [Deleted scene/Unrated Version scene]
[to Michael]
Andre: Hey, my man. You know, I hear you talking a lot. You know, you're always saying something. Who the fuck are you that we should listen, huh? What are you, like, in Special Ops? You in the Marines? What the fuck do you do?
Michael: I sell televisions at Best Buy.
Andre: [to Kenneth] Wow.
[chuckling]
Andre: Hey, Officer, how you like following a guy that sells TVs?
Kenneth: About as much as I like following a guy who steals them. I'm not following anyone.

Michael: Help should be along soon.
Steve: Did you hear that from the same jackass who told us to go to St. Verbena?
Michael: The church downtown?
Steve: Yeah, some dipshit on the radio said it was safe there... He was wrong!

Michael: You come with me, or you go back in that cell.
CJ: All right. I ain't going anywhere without a gun.
Michael: [Breaks a glass case holding a fire ax, throws it to CJ] Have at them, cowboy!
CJ: Asshole.

Steve: Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry. Why does he stay here while I go on the suicide mission to rescue Terry's already-dead girlfriend?
Terry: Fuck you, man!
Michael: We don't know that.
CJ: You know what, asshole? Either way we gotta get over there and get the guns to get out of this parking lot, all right?

Bart: [In the parking garage] What the fuck was that? I just saw something.
CJ: You didn't see shit, Bart. Shut the fuck up.
Bart: Oh, shit. Here it comes.
[a dog turns the corner]
Bart: Jesus Christ! It's a fucking dog.
Michael: [to dog] Come here, boy. Well, at least you know nothing's down here. It would've eaten him.
Bart: See? I told you I saw something!

Steve: [Waiting by the trucks, sees everybody running to them] Hey, what the hell happened to you guys?
Michael: Give me the keys!
Ana: [Running past] Prick!
CJ: [Pushes Steve] I'll deal with you later, motherfucker!