- Moe Szyslak: Sorry, Bart. I can't sell booze to a minor, it ain't right.
- Bart Simpson: I'm here to buy fireworks.
- Moe Szyslak: Oh, hell yeah!
- Homer Simpson: Uh, you remember that cooler I gave you for your birthday? Well, Flanders wants it back.
- Barney Gumble: Now what will I use for a toilet?
- [Homer destroys the surveillance cameras at the power plant]
- Homer Simpson: Finally, I can get some sleep.
- [the whistle blows]
- C. Montgomery Burns: [over P.A. system] Mindless drones! Return to your ugly families!
- Homer Simpson: D'oh!
- Homer Simpson: Here's your science project.
- Lisa Simpson: Thanks for delivering my model of the digestive system. Hey! Where's the gall bladder?
- Homer Simpson: I got hungry and... it was a fig?
- Lisa Simpson: It was modeling clay!
- Homer Simpson: Oh.
- Smithers: [after denting Homer's car] I dented your car, which probably dented my car also. Well, I dented your car.
- Lisa Simpson: See? You are a good cop!
- Chief Wiggum: Ah, you're just saying that.
- Lisa Simpson: Yes, I am.
- Homer Simpson: C. Montgomery Burns! I know you're guilty! J'accused! Sir.
- C. Montgomery Burns: Fine, I'll admit it. I had Amelia Earhart's plane shot down. That hussy was getting too big for her jodhpurs.
- Lisa Simpson: Milhouse, stop following me around!
- Milhouse Van Houten: Oh hi, Lisa. My, your hair looks pointy today.
- Lisa Simpson: Milhouse, have you seen Bart?
- Milhouse Van Houten: So, do you have a date to the harvest ball?
- Lisa Simpson: This isn't a good time.
- Milhouse Van Houten: It's NEVER a good time!
- [cries]
- Marge Simpson: Homey, you're late for work, and today's your workplace evaluation with Mr. Smithers!
- Homer Simpson: Ahh! He'll find my scorpion farm, then where will my scorpions live?
- Comic Book Guy: I have no time to converse with you, I must be first to register my disgust on the internet regarding the new McBain film. The action was dismal and the nudity was frustratingly fleeting. I barely got going.
- Bart Simpson: Quick, to the Fatmobile!
- [laughs]
- Comic Book Guy: Yes, I suppose. But must we call it that?
- Comic Book Guy: If my knowledge of sci-fi movies is correct, which it is, the black car is an advanced probe for the mothership. Now, if you're through, I'm going to spend my last hours on Earth complaining about movies on the internet.
- Homer Simpson: The gift of life is wasted on you.
- Comic Book Guy: Yes, I recommend you obtain a zombie car. It will protect you well but it runs on human brains, a slight drawback.
- Homer Simpson: I've got plenty of those.
- Homer Simpson: Hey Zombie. You working for the DMV now?
- Zombie: Brains. More Brains.
- Homer Simpson: Thank You. I do have nice brains.
- Lisa Simpson: Dad, I'm so proud of you for stopping the alien invasion.
- Homer Simpson: Did that really happen? I thought it was a bad dream from eating too many raw hot dogs.
- Marge Simpson: No, Homey! You're the town hero!
- Homer Simpson: Really? And what about the ninja babysitters? Was that real or a hot dog dream?
- Lisa Simpson: Hot dog dream.
- [Nelson starts a street race]
- Nelson Muntz: Three! Two! A loser says what?
- Lisa Simpson: What?
- Nelson Muntz: HA ha!
- Comic Book Guy: Ah, videogames, what a waste of money. Now to go online and bid one thousand dollars for a set of Itchy and Scratchy corn-cob holders. Terrific, terrific expense.
- [Homer notices a security camera at his workstation]
- Homer Simpson: How can I sleep with that camera? Ooh, sexy girls could be watching me on the internet!
- Bart Simpson: Ralph, word in the hood is that you have access to your dad's fireworks stash.
- Ralph Wiggum: Fireworks make my ears yell!
- Bart Simpson: Here's some gumdrops, now make with the works!
- Ralph Wiggum: My daddy's gonna put you in jail.
- Homer Simpson: Look, I need to get some barrels of radioactive waste to save Springfield from the aliens!
- C. Montgomery Burns: I agree. Illegal aliens are a nuisance.
- Homer Simpson: Not *leaf-blower* aliens! *Tentacle* aliens!
- Homer Simpson: Flanders, give me your first aid kit.
- Ned Flanders: Well, I was hoping to save it for Rod and Todd to bandage their brain-eating boo-boos.
- Homer Simpson: Just rub a bible on them.
- Ned Flanders: Will that work to fend off zombies?
- Homer Simpson: Who am I, Doctor Science?
- Ned Flanders: Okely-dokely, here's the first aid.
- Rod Flanders: Daddy, if the zombies are dead, why aren't they in Heaven?
- Todd Flanders: I hope my brain feeds a hungry zombie.
- Lisa Simpson: Mission accomplished, but Bart's still missing and I'm still no closer to finding him.
- Apu: Perhaps you should talk to Professor Frink. He seems to know everything... except why I ever came to this jerkwater burg.
- Comic Book Guy: I will roll to determine your chances of getting a ride.
- [pause]
- Comic Book Guy: I will be there in five turns.
- Snake Jailbird: [When someone tries to get in on his side] Passenger seat and trunk are your only options.