David Hasselhoff: Ammer

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Ammer

Michael Newman: I thought I was already your partner.
Ammer: Whoa, cowboy. I said "Land the Watsuhita account, you'll get promoted." I didn't mean right this second.
Michael Newman: But I already told my wife, sir. I spent money I don't have. To do these documents is gonna take me months.
Ammer: Then you better get started.
[Michael freezes Ammer with the remote, smacks him in the face three times, unfreezes him]
Ammer: Wow, I just got a big headache! Wha - ? Was I hit by a train or something?
Michael Newman: I didn't see anything.
Ammer: Oh, I forgot to tell you. I hung out with your friend Janine this weekend.
[freezes Ammer again]
Michael Newman: I hope she's doing your brother right now, you big-headed buffoon
[Michael stands on Ammer's desk and begins farting in his face]
Michael Newman: No, no, no, no. You got more.
[continues farting in Ammer's face]
Michael Newman: Yeah.
[stops and unfreezes Ammer]
Ammer: Anyway, the sooner you ge - Get back to - Uh, work, they sooner you'll be partnerized. I taste shit.
Michael Newman: You do?
Ammer: Stacy! Did you put shit in my lunch? Argh!
Michael Newman: [leaves Ammer's office] I'm gonna get going, sir.
Ammer: Ugh. STACY!

Michael Newman: I mean no disrespect, Prince Hubbida Hubbida.
Ammer: Hubba Bubba.
Prince Habeeboo: Habeeboo! Ha-bee-boo! Hubba Bubba is chewing gum. Prince Habeeboo is not chewing gum!

Ammer: Now, anyone can be a victim of sexual harassment: blue collar, white collar, a woman, a man... even the office slut. No, not that I'm mentioning any names... Stacy.
Stacy, Blonde Ammer Assistant: [Stacy looks shocked for a moment and then laughs, nodding her head in affirmation]

Michael Newman: [trying to convince him to let the project be procrastinated so he can go camping] Three days? Couldn't I have a little more time for this project?
Ammer: Michael, our clients are Japanese. They can't wait for their fish to cook.

Ammer: I'm gonna be alone on the Fourth of July?
Michael Newman: Mr. Ammer, if you need female companionship this weekend, my wife's friend, Janine, wow.
Ammer: Really? What's she like?
Michael Newman: Let's just say, uh... she will eat you up, sir.
Ammer: [purrs]

Ammer: All right everybody, it's sexual harassment speech day. Now, Anyone can be a victim of sexual harassment: Blue collar, white collar, a woman, a man, even the office slut. Not that I'm mentioning any names: Stacy.
Ammer: [Michael prepares for his remote] Here we go. Sexual harassment can come in many forms. You see what is--
[transformed into a wide aspect, making him look like an obese person]
Ammer: hilarious to some, could be offensive to others.
[Michael chuckles in excitement]
Ammer: Let me try to give you a real-life example, hahahaha.
[Transformed into panorama aspect, making him look like a little person with high-pitched voice]
Ammer: Want a promotion? Break out the lotion. I was technically engaged in sexual harassment. Hilarious sexual harassment if you ask me, hahahahahaha
[Transformed back to normal]
Ammer: Now, there's also, homosexual harassment. Now this is like when one dude comes up to another and says something cheeky. What you do
[He and Michael speak Spanish]
Michael Newman: [Speaking Spanish] Hahahahahaha!

Ammer: Your first day as a partner, you come to work in a fricking bathrobe.
Michael Newman: I - I did. I did. I - John, I just feel would should stop on wasting our energy on corporate brown nosing, and worrying who's got the better suit. Armani, Calvin Klein. Who cares? Let's concentrate on what really matters. The work.
Ammer: That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. But goddamn it, you're right.
[removes his jacket and shirt]
Ammer: Life-changing. I feel freer.
[Ammer goes for his belt]
Michael Newman: Yeah. Uh, keep the pants on.