Dark Waters

Sci-Fi Channel's "Original Pictures" arm is fast becoming the AIP-clone for the New Millennium, and it's movies just like this one that prove it. You only have to see the credit "Starring Lorenzo Lamas" to know exactly what you're in for. And no matter how low your expectations, I don't think the hardiest bad-movie fan is ready for this 'deep-star-sixed' turkey.

Lorenzo and made-for-gratuitous-breast-shots-hottie Simone MacKinnon play--what else?--a failed marine biologist/oceanographer and his cohort. Once legit scientists who actually ran a real exploratory institute, specializing in environmental studies and research, (yeah, right), they have become mere scam artists, bilking rich idiots out of tens of thousands of dollars for a new, non-existent "project": the discovery and eventual exploration of "ATLANTIS."

At the film's opening, stolen right from the script pages of another howler, DEEP BLUE SEA, (which was twice as bad, but also two times more entertaining than this), a private deep-core drilling station is trashed by a school of animated marauding sharks (yes, you DID read that correctly), who also make its inhabitants into fast fish food.

Cut to the aforementioned pseudo-soiree. LL and Simone have just finished fleecing a bevy of bountiful society boobies, but then the "hunters get captured by the game." Next thing they know, they find themselves waking from unconsciousness and headed for the dilapidated headquarters where the institute was founded by LL's late dad. There to greet them is the man who may have been responsible for Papa's demise, played with the usual workmanlike dependability by Canadian staple Bruce Gray, (and you already know how much you should trust characters played by Canadian actors with the first name "Bruce.") Bruce offers the sci-cons a sweetheart of a deal: investigate the shark attack on his drilling station, and he'll make all their legal and monetary problems disappear. (Haven't people learned about deals like this YET???)

I could bore you with the rest of the details, but why bother? You already know it by-the-numbers: super-brainy sharks, genetic experimentation gone awry, government/military conspiracy and cover-ups, lots of bullets flying, soldiers and scenery chewed, yadayadayada. Just keep in mind: the credits in this movie list both a director of visual effects AND a director of animation, so you know that the majority of the budget was spent on hair care products for the two "stars."

Which reminds me...that's about what this movie is worth. And that's because I happen to like Bruce Gray. The sharks are a bonus. Now if they only could've snacked on the screenwriters...

This is one of the worst movies I've seen in a while. I have to confess, I fast forwarded through most of it, because it was far too stupid and low-budget to waste any time on. A navy experiment with sharks has gone awry, and a group of ferocious sharks is now threatening to make the viewer nervous. However, these CGI sharks are so phony looking, along with the sets and other effects, that one will have to watch some other movie for thrills. So little production value was added to this flick that one actor, who is supposedly eaten by a shark in one scene, re-appears 10 minutes later with a mustache on his face as a different character. I'm writing this review to take my revenge on the producers of this film. It is not a "so-bad-it's-good" movie, it's too bad for human eyes to watch.

"We go in on 3, ready... 3,2,1 Go!", is an example of the idiotic dialogue that plagues Dark Waters. Not to mention the scene where our heroes escape and go galavanting around the bridge of a sub on a top-secret mission and manage to convince the officers that they are on a tour. [note: this movie is not a comedy] Dark Waters insults the intelligence of the viewer. What do I know, maybe it IS possible to abandon ship at 5,400 feet. I score Dark Waters a 3, only because the action is plentiful and Simmone Mackinnon is HOT.

With the advent of straight to video movies, a whole new genre of 'B' movie seems to be appearing. This is one of them. It can't seem to make up it's mind if it wants to be a horror movie, or a sci-fi movie or an action flick. In all honesty, it fails on all levels for ALL of them. Lorenzo delivers as good a performance as can be, considering the script. He counterpart is fun to look at, but she's only tolerable if you turn the sound down on your TV. The graphics leave a great deal to be desired, especially in a day and age where really, really good graphics are available at a reasonable price from a variety of start up animation companies. The sharks are reminiscent of "Anaconda" (the first one). Remember how bad the snakes were? The sharks are worse. Really. Unless you're desperate, I'd pass on this one. It has it's moments, but for the most part, it's an incredibly uncomfortable experience.

Dark Waters: One of a large number of cheapo Sci-Fi action films. Most usually related to creatures from the deep. Dark Waters is essentially a low budget equivalent to Deep Blue Sea. Starring in this is DTV maestro Sir Lorenzo of the Lamas's. Lorenzo is a legend it has to be said. From a promising earlier career including the hit TV show Falcon Crest he has through the years become a reliable action man for hire, known more for his perfectly conditioned hair than for the fact he's in excellent physical shape and is a black belt. The thing with Lorenzo is, that there are always signs he's not too bad an actor, as far as these movies go. He did after all get a Golden Globe nomination over 20 years ago. The thing is without any inspiration from the material he can seem bored and lacking in charisma. Here though Lorenzo seems more in his element compared to some of his other recent cheapies. Dark Waters has a kind of enjoyable B-movie feel to it. The movie is an effects movie, there is a lot of CGI and considering it's from the bargain basement of CGI effects they aren't to bad. Nowadays you can get fair CGI for very little money thanks to the development in the technologies. This film is obviously shot on ultra low budget but there are enough quickly constructed sets and acceptable CGI shots to give some sense of scale. Of course the movie has it's fair share of dud computer shots.

In Dark Waters Lorenzo plays a marine biologist whose recklessness through the years has caused his research lab to have been shut down and causing severe problems in his pursuit of Atlantis. Now he and his equally morally oblique lady friend, played by Simmone Mackinnnon are fraudsters who try and extort money from wealthy people in order to fund their expeditions. Lorenzo seems at home playing a sleazy gigolo it has to be said and the role is given plenty of humour. Lorenzo and Simmone have a good chemistry and seem to be having fun with it.

Overall this film is reasonably enjoyable and director Phillip Roth is a specialist in doing ambitious effects laden projects for minimal money, for example APEX and the fairly enjoyable Velocity Trap. He certainly has gained an understanding of using effects and is competent in the action scenes. This is, despite it's ludicrous premise and swift and harmless watch. **