Gerry Bednob credited as playing...
Mooj
- Mooj: Hey Andy, don't let him bother you. It's okay not to have sex. Not eveybody's a pussy magnet. You, uh, what are you, 25?
- Andy Stitzer: I'm 40.
- Mooj: Holy shit, man, you got to get on that!
- Mooj: Life is about people. It's about connections.
- Andy Stitzer: It's all about connections.
- Mooj: It's not about cocks, and ass, and tits.
- Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
- Mooj: And butthole pleasures.
- Andy Stitzer: It's not about butthole pleasures at all.
- Mooj: It's not about these rusty trombones, and these dirty sanchez.
- Andy Stitzer: Please stop.
- Mooj: And these cincinatti bowties, and these pussy juice cocktail, and these shit stained balls.
- Andy Stitzer: Mooj, just please stop.
- Mooj: [talking to a customer] This is a great TV. Nothing beats a plasma.
- Jay: What are you doing? That's my customer.
- Mooj: It certainly is not. When I came upon her, she was unattended
- Jay: No, no, that's my... She was unattended because I went to the back to get the brochure she requested.
- Mooj: I apologize, but it's too late. The transaction is completed.
- Jay: Then you gonna give me half the commission.
- Mooj: You will receive none of the commission.
- Jay: I need to talk to Paula. This is crazy, man!
- Mooj: This is bullshit! Every time I make a sale, you go crying to Paula. How about... how about Jesse Jackson? Oh, Jesse, he needs a call...
- Jay: I'm sick of you poaching my customers.
- Mooj: I'm sick of your crybaby bullshit!
- Jay: You wanna take this shit outside? You wanna just take it outside and just squash it?
- Mooj: Let's stay inside so everybody can see what a pussy you have, okay? Because when I remove the blade I keep in my boot from its sheath, I cannot return it until it has spilt blood.
- Jay: Listen to me, listen to me! You are fucking with the wrong nigger.
- Mooj: Hey, hey! You are fucking with the wrong sand nigger, okay?
- Jay: I will hang your old ass by your turban!
- Mooj: [Mooj has a very definite Indian accent] Oh, turban, now! Do you see any fucking turban here? Do I talk like a turban guy? Do I say, "Hey, Jay, you want a slurpee? You want a slurpee?" Fuck you, okay? I was born in Brooklyn. Brooklyn, okay? My accent is a fucking Brooklyn accent, okay? Okay?
- Jay: All right, man. Calm down, dude! Look... you still covering my shift on Friday or what?
- Mooj: If I can keep this commission... with pleasure.
- Jay: Cool, man. All right, pops.
- [They hug; Jay leaves]
- Haziz: So tell me something Montell... Why were we not invited to your party? Are we Al Qaeda?
- Jay: Whoa first of all it's not that kind of party.
- Mooj: You know what? We are not coming to your fucking party okay? Fuck you! Go fuck a goat!
- Jay: It's not that kind of party dawg
- Mooj: Fuck you! Go fuck a goat
- Jay: Hey why you always telling me to go fuck a goat man?
- Mooj: [Yelling as he walks away] Fuck a goat!
- Mooj: [upon hearing about Andy's promotion] This is the bullshit of all bullshit! Scumbag! Ass-kisser!