- Mum: Erc, just remember: your family's who you are
- Erica Yurken: I hope not. I've got one sister who think's she's a horse, another, who's got a black belt in being a bitch, and bloddy Marley who's still mowing crop circles in the front lawn.
- Barry: Do you know how violent they got? Someone could have taken my eye out with a tampon!
- Miss Belmont: Uh-huh.
- [slams Barry into wall]
- Barry Hollis: [Barry has just caught Erica spying on him and Alison. Erica spits the dirt in her mouth] Yurken, what are you doing here?
- Erica Yurken: [on the floor, covered in dirt and flowers] I'm gonna sue you!
- [Erica spits]
- Erica Yurken: I was just... innocently... walking... up... your driveway, when this... wheelie bin just shot out in front of me... which was unsecured!
- Alison Ashley: Were you spying on us?
- Erica Yurken: [pointing her finger at Alison, warning her] How dare you! How *dare* you! No! No! The only reason I came, was to give you...
- [reaches into her bag and gets Alison's camp form]
- Erica Yurken: your stupid form... which...
- [Erica spits]
- Erica Yurken: you dropped at school!
- Alison's mother: [from upstairs, woken up from all the racket outside. Barry flees as he hears Alison's mum yelling from upstairs] Alison? What on Earth is going on up there?
- Alison Ashley: [to her mum] Um, nothing. The bin just... fell over. I'll clean it up.
- Alison's mother: [from upstairs, yelling] Then who the hell is that screaming and crashing about?
- Alison Ashley: It's nobody. Just get back to sleep. You got work tonight.
- Erica Yurken: Nobody huh? Thanks a lot.
- Alison Ashley: I didn't mean it like that.
- Erica Yurken: No, I know what you mean. What I don't know is why I'd bother.
- [handing Alison her form]
- Erica Yurken: Here.
- Miss Belmont: Erica, I know I can rely on you to show Alison around.
- Erica Yurken: Sure, Miss Belmont!
- Barry: Yeah, I'll come too. After Erica gives you the freak-show; I'll show you the good stuff.
- Erica Yurken: [introduces Alison to Barry] Alison, this is Barry Hollis, my stalker.
- Barry: Yeah, you wish Yurken!
- Jedda Yurken: [calling from a distance] Mum!
- [scene cuts to the kitchen]
- Jedda Yurken: [wailing] Barry Hollis teased me!
- Mum: [rolling her eyes in rage] Barry Hollis!
- Jedda Yurken: [wailing and holding her ripped horse costume] He tore off my tail!
- Mum: [to Erica, thinking it was her fault] She's eight years old! How *dare* you leave her alone!
- [hugging Jedda while yelling at Erica]
- Mum: I will kill you if you abandon her again!
- Erica Yurken: What was I supposed to do? She was eating someone's nature strip; blade by blade!
- Valjoy Yurken: [to Mum] Uh, that's true, Mum. Jedda's a freak. You really can't blame Yuk for that.
- Erica Yurken: [with her mouth full] Thanks, Valjoy! I'm glad someone...
- Valjoy Yurken: [slamming Erica against the wall, holding up her almost-empty bottle of perfume] *This*, on the other hand, is a reason to strangle the slimy little snitch!
- [holding up the almost empty bottle]
- Valjoy Yurken: You see that? I made a special mark on there, and look! Some's missing.
- [strangling Erica, holding her close to the wall]
- Valjoy Yurken: You thieving piece of scum!
- Mum: [to Valjoy] Valjoy, let your sister go and wait your bloody turn! I haven't finished with her!
- [leaves the house and checks the door]
- Erica Yurken: [to Mum] No mum, don't go!
- Valjoy Yurken: [to Erica] Say goodnight, Yuk-Yuk!
- Mum: [to Valjoy, from the distance, seeing her friend at the door] Valjoy! It's Scum!
- Valjoy Yurken: [picking up Erica and slamming her against the wall] You're dead!
- [Valjoy lets her go, leaves and unzips her jacket. Jedda pokes her tongue out at Erica]
- Mum: [seeing Valjoy's revealing and inappropriate outfit, while out with her friend] Where do you think you're going dressed like that?
- Valjoy Yurken: [to Mum] Hmm, let me think about it. *OUT*!
- Harley Yurken: [Harley enters the house, with his shirt on and his underwear, in front of Erica] You guys home? Didn't see youse come in.
- Erica Yurken: [narrating] Yep, and before you ask; there was no chance I was adopted. I'd already checked.
- Mum: Erc, just remember: your family's who you are
- Erica Yurken: I hope not. I've got one sister who think's she's a horse, another, who's got a black belt in being a bitch, and bloody Marley who's still mowing crop circles in the front lawn.
- Miss Belmont: [looking over at Erica, with her eyebrow singed] Girl with one eyebrow, your name?
- Erica Yurken: [narrating] My life's dream was to be a great actress, and have my name in lights. But first, I'd have to change it from...
- [the class start chanting "Gherkin!", "Yuk!" and "Erk!" at different times, in a cacophony]
- Miss Belmont: [yelling at the class] QUIET!
- [Miss Belmont then looks at Erica]
- Erica Yurken: [answering Miss Belmont] Erica Yurken.
- Miss Belmont: "Erica" is a very beautiful name. Did you know, that it means "great heroine"?
- [the class laughs and Miss Belmont whacks one of the students on the head]