- David Carver Jr.: Quality time with the mom?
- Max Dowling: "Quality" would be a stretch. Mom spent most of the week going to her narcotics anonymous meetings.
- David Carver Jr.: Well, um, consistency is a very important part of recovery.
- Max Dowling: She's sleeping with her sponsor.
- [outraged that his girlfriend slept with Travis]
- David Carver Jr.: This is the guy who tried to sell the mountain out from under us! Never mind the fact that he's slept with the entire Pacific Northwest! There are *salmon* that this guy has sired!
- David Carver Jr.: [opening lines from the Pilot episode] When my grandafther died, everyone back home wanted to know what would happen to the mountain. For me and my family, all we could think about was what would happen to us.
- David Carver Jr.: [on the mountain resort] My life has been spent running away from this place. Trying not to be something instead of just accepting what I am.
- Max Dowling: What a hoot it will be when I tell the kids how grandma and I used to do beer bongs together.
- Vanessa: Now, is this about the time we made out?
- David Carver Jr.: No one's ever bought me a tie before
- Max Dowling: Well, glad I could be first at something.
- Max Dowling: I dumped you. Get over it. This can't be the first time it's ever happened.
- [pause]
- Max Dowling: You've never been dumped before? My God! So you've never had your heart broken?
- David Carver Jr.: I've had my heart broken, okay? And I'm trying to avoid it right now!
- Travis Thorson: Your father wants to know if you wanted to go turkey hunting
- Max Dowling: What?
- Travis Thorson: He thought you might be in the mood to kill something.
- Max Dowling: Now there's a man who knows exactly what I need.
- Colin Dowling: You think this is for me? I don't even like Thanksgiving.
- Michael Dowling: Once the body count gets high enough I'm sure we'll all love it.
- Michael Dowling: Billionaire developer Colin Dowling was injured in a hunting accident involving his good for nothing son, Michael, and a particularly willful turkey named "David." Tragically, despite the heroic efforts of emergency medical personnel, they were unable to resuscitate the turkey. Dowling is likely to lose the use of his pinky toe. The future of his son is undetermined.
- David Carver Jr.: If you can't have the one that you love, love the won you're with.
- Sam Tunney: Hmm. That's good advice. Thanks.
- David Carver Jr.: It's not really advice. It's a song. Stephen Stills, 1970.
- Maria Serrano: This is prophetic you know?
- David Carver Jr.: What in a biblical sense?
- Maria Serrano: Don't you think it's a sign from God? We're literally buried under all our lies.
- David Carver Jr.: Lies? It's just frozen water. It's all fluffy and white for some reason.
- Michael Dowling: Max, I shot off our father's toe. Coming back here brings me nothing but severe intestinal pain.
- Max Dowling: How were you supposed to know they couldn't sew it back on? After what they did with that Bobbitt guy.