The Andromeda Strain

Having recently re-watched the 1971-version of "The Andromeda Strain" taught me one thing: the original is still a near-perfect Sci-Fi landmark and never will a remake, whether in the form of a film or a mini-series, be any better.

But okay, I'm not here to elaborate on the superiority of the Robert Wise classic. The mini-series has reason to exist as well, although it never really surpasses the quality-level of "average". Literally everything about "The Andromeda Strain" 2008 is average;- whether it comes to the added storylines versus the original film, the acting performances, the action/horror sequences, or the special effects. The foundations of Michael Crichton's genius novel are luckily kept intact, give or take a few minor details. When a satellite crashes back onto earth, almost the entire population of the nearby little town Piedmont, Utah, literally drops dead. In the original film, Piedmont was located in New Mexico, but I guess that's one of the few minor details. A handful of eminent scientists are escorted from all corners of the US of A to a top-secret governmental underground facility in the desert to examine the unearthly substance attached to the satellite. What's different or additional compared to the '71 version is that there's a sub-plot with a research journalist, bigger political involvement (including a role for the US-President), nastier intentions by the military and a couple of utterly grotesque theories with wormholes.

People like Benjamin Bratt and Christa Miller are decent performers, but they fail to be very plausible as brilliant scientists. Still, they are not as implausible as - say - the numerous mutations of the virus, or the insane explanations of where it supposedly comes from. The mini-series was released in the same year as the original author, the mighty Michael Crichton, passed away. I sincerely hope this wasn't the last adaptation of his work that he had to see.

This starts off well, and if you're hoping for Crichton's complex/tense gem of a novel you'll soon be disappointed. They throw every sci fi cliché into this one. The evil govt. conspiracy (to get the master weapon); the plucky reporter; a nuke; a master monster; plenty of sci fi babble; and in the end a 10-9-8 countdown-will our hero be able to save himself and his team-followed by a "it's not over yet" fade out. Just when you think they've run out of clichés they pull another one out and throw it at you.

Ridley Scott you should be ashamed of yourself!This blots your copy book big time! LUDICROUS!!!! For teens only; they'll think it's cool!

Save yourself a few tedious hours, skip this crap and see the 1971 original. This is another example of a movie that has nothing going for it but the good feelings a viewer might have about the original. (How appropriate that I first saw a commercial for it while waiting for the lousy "Indiana Jones 4" to begin.)

So, so, so much padding! (And even so, A&E managed to stuff in almost 80 minutes of commercials in the two night run.) Ridiculous plot lines that go nowhere (the Geraldo-style reporter, "vent-mining"), unnecessary time-waster shots of animals eating each other (all just to establish the infection vector of a rat dropped onto a group of National Guardsmen) family squabbles that go nowhere... all of these had the unmistakable feel of an effort to reach a predetermined running time. The problem is, when length is more important a goal than quality, nothing can be left on the cutting-room floor. Trimmed to two hours, this just might have been a watchable movie.

Even if decently edited to tighten up the pacing, there's then the problem of reeediculous plot devices that were added to this adaptation. For example:

• Telepathic germs (you gotta be freaking kidding)

• Messages from the future (I wish I was freaking kidding) --- Note to you guys in the future: instead of the cryptic "739528", maybe "hey, look on the space station!" would get your point across a little better

• Orbiting wormholes (still not kidding)

• Blackbird attacks that kill soldiers in helmets and full combat gear (shades of Alfred Hitchcock)

• Endless blather about "vent mining", and even a terrorist attack on a vent mining platform. ----- (Oops! did we forget to explain what that had to do with the story?)

• "Pass the thumb"

• Andromeda racing across the countryside turning everything yellow.

• Dime-store CGI (we're talking "Sci-Fi Channel Original" quality) used even in scenes where the real thing would have been easier and more effective: flame throwers, dried blood sifting from a cut, the inexplicable falling debris in the core.

• Is the action dragging? Time for some Guardsmen to buy the farm!

• Hollywood leftist paranoia: the evil team of General Mancheck and Colonel Farris, military hit men, NSA stashing a final vial of the pathogen, and (my personal favorite) the company Enburton (Enron + Halliburton?) running the vent mining operation.

Michael Crichton wrote the original novel of "The Andromeda Strain", and the 1971 movie remembered so fondly by many was a quite faithful adaptation. You've heard of Michael Crichton because he has written lots of exciting and interesting science fiction, much of which has been turned into movies (of varying quality.)

This adaptation was written by Robert Schenkkan. You likely haven't heard of him, because he's been asked to write almost nothing else for the screen. Judging from this production, there would seem to be a reason for that. He has written a number of well-received plays, but apparently that talent does not translate well to television; what I recall of his 2004 "Spartacus" miniseries was on the level of "Andromeda". (Trekkie alert: as a C-list actor, Schenkkan is best remembered for eating an alien cockroach and then getting his head blown up, when he played Commander Remmick in the ST:TNG first-season episode "Conspiracy".)

If this is the best A&E can do, I hope that in the future they'll just stay out of the science fiction genre. At the very least they should produce original stories, instead of mucking up remakes of perfectly good predecessors.

I'll never get those four hours back, but you still have a chance to miss this movie. Consider yourself warned.

I have learned, over the years, that whenever a movie or TV show has a an overwhelming amount of background music then it is usually trying to disguise something that isn't working. That is the first tip-off that this version of Andromeda Strain is of poor quality. Thank goodness for Close-Captions, since much of the dialogue was covered by music. As a science-fiction thriller, Andromeda Strain could have benefited from the advances in our knowledge over the last 37 years since the original movie. This retelling does, indeed, offer a version that has some good updates and that is the only reason I am rating it as high as a 4. I found it a tremendous struggle to stay with this production which, ultimately, is bloated and mediocre.

When the capsule of the Scoop Mission returns to Earth and lands in the small town of Piedmont, Utah, it brings a mutant living being and all the population, except a crying baby and an old man with ulcer, dies with clotted blood. A team of five scientists - the leader Dr. Jeremy Stone (Benjamin Bratt), Dr. Angela Noyce (Christa Miller), Dr. Tsi Chou (Daniel Dae Kim), Dr. Charlene Barton (Viola Davis) and Major Bill Keane MD (Ricky Schroder) - are summoned and gathered together in the top secret Wildfire facility. Fighting against time, they try to understand the reason why the old man and the baby survived and research an antidote to Andromeda, the ultimate biological weapon.

I wrote the above summary – with the exceptions of the names of Dr. Stone's scientist's team – in my review of the original sci-fi classic of 1971. The great pacifist story is basically the same, only longer due to updates in special effects and useless subplots with government conspiracies. I usually hate remakes, but sometimes I find reasonable surprises; but I do not know the objective of this tiresome and totally unnecessary remake. My vote is six.

Title (Brazil): "O Enigma de Andrômeda" ("The Enigma of Andromeda")