- Timmy Callahan: You have no appreciation for my integrity at all, do you?
- Donald Strachey: I *love* your integrity. You want to take it to an empty room, we can try it with the rubber gloves?
- Timmy Callahan: You're disgusting.
- Donald Strachey: That's why you love me.
- John Rutka: Have you ever been shot, Don?
- Donald Strachey: As a matter of fact, I have. I didn't care for it much.
- John Rutka: Neither did I. But that doesn't matter to you, does it? You probably think I should be shot, and killed.
- Donald Strachey: No, actually, John, I don't. But that probably puts me in exclusive company.
- Donald Strachey: Well, don't you think it's a little bit strange, not to know when you're in somebody's will?
- Ann Rutka: Okay, I think I get the drift of this. Let me tell you something, okay? John was a royal pain in the ass, but he was family and I loved him. And if you're thinking for one second that, what, I murdered him for half a bowling alley and a house, you're out of your fucking mind, okay? So, excuse me, but I have to go bury my brother now.
- [to Bub]
- Ann Rutka: What a jerk!
- Detective 'Bub' Bailey: Always that subtle, Donald?
- Donald Strachey: No. Usually, they hit me.
- Donald Strachey: [Whispered] Just go talk to him!
- Timmy Callahan: [Whispered] Why can't you do it?
- Donald Strachey: [Whispered] Because the last time he saw me he tried to beat my brains in with a tire iron and he may want to finish the job! Just go!
- John Rutka: How's Senator Glassman these days?
- Timmy Callahan: How did you know that...
- John Rutka: That you're her Chief Aid? It's my job to know these things. She's got a good voting record on gay rights. Wish the rest of the state senate was like her.
- Timmy Callahan: Oh good! So maybe you won't feel obliged to destroy her and I'll get to keep my job.
- John Rutka: I do what I do for the good of us all.
- Timmy Callahan: Yeah. You're a regular Mother Teresa.
- Donald Strachey: O-kay. Timmy, I think maybe you need to take Doctor Watson for a walk.
- Timmy Callahan: I just did.
- Donald Strachey: I think he needs to go again.
- Timmy Callahan: Okay. Excuse me, while I out my dog for the good of us all.
- Helen: [On the phone] Auto motor vehicles.
- Donald Strachey: [On the phone] Hi Helen, it's Donald Strachey.
- Helen: [On the phone] Hello, handsome. Still gay?
- Donald Strachey: [On the phone]
- [Chuckles]
- Donald Strachey: Are you still beautiful?
- Helen: [On the phone]
- [Chuckles]
- Helen: Just give me the plate number and I'll run a check.
- Timmy Callahan: Don... when I... when I'm gone...
- Donald Strachey: Shh-shh-shh!
- Timmy Callahan: Just listen to me. I don't want you to be alone. I want you to find someone. Someone... fat and ugly with a very small penis.
- Donald Strachey: [grinning] You bitch.