- Jill: [dangles Puss over a canyon] Is it true a cat always lands on its feet?
- Puss in Boots: No! That is just a rumor, spread by dogs!
- Humpty Dumpty: I'm not a person. I'm not a bird. I'm not even a food. I don't know what I am.
- Puss in Boots: You are what you have always been: my brother.
- Humpty Dumpty: [hanging from a rope] You can't save us both!
- Puss in Boots: Yes, I can! Just hang on!
- Humpty Dumpty: Puss, you have to save the baby, or the mother will destroy San Ricardo. It's the right thing to do.
- Puss in Boots: I will not let you go, Humpty.
- Humpty Dumpty: I know you won't. So I won't make you choose.
- [lets go]
- Humpty Dumpty: Do you have any idea what they do to eggs in San Ricardo's prison? I'll tell you this, my friend. It ain't over easy!
- Ohhh Cat: Ooooooohhhhhh!
- Puss in Boots: I will see you again, Kitty Softpaws!
- Kitty Softpaws: Sooner than you think.
- [Puss realizes that Kitty has his boots]
- Puss in Boots: She is a bad kitty.
- [a man begins to strip to show Puss a tattoo of the golden eggs]
- Puss in Boots: NO! Please, you have... shown enough.
- Raoul: [taking an inventory of Puss in Boots' items before placing him in jail] ... one bottle of catnip!
- Puss in Boots: It's for my glaucoma.
- Humpty Dumpty: First rule of Bean Club, don't talk about Bean Club. The second rule of Bean Club... don't talk about Bean Club.
- Jack: We want a complimentary continental breakfast.
- Jill: And don't even think of skimping on them baby muffins!
- Hotel Owner: [crying to himself] We don't have any baby muffins.
- Kitty Softpaws: [In a calm voice] You owe me.
- Puss in Boots: I owe you?
- Kitty Softpaws: [starts to flirt with Puss] Uh-huh. You hit me in the head with a guitar.
- Puss in Boots: I, uh, regret the guitar.
- Kitty Softpaws: Okay, I forgive you.
- Crazy Woman: [beats up Puss] Chupacabra! Chupacabra! Chupacabra!
- Puss in Boots: You are a crazy woman!
- Kitty Softpaws: [to Puss, wearing his hat] I'll steal you blind, and you'll never even know I was there!
- [an annoyed Puss grabs his hat back]
- [first lines]
- Puss in Boots: Through the years, I have been known by many names. Diablo Gato. The Furry Lover. Chupacabra. Friskie Two-Times. And the Ginger Hit Man. But to most - I am Puss In Boots! Outlaw.
- Puss in Boots: There is one word for you, Kitty Softpaws: Me-wow!
- Kitty Softpaws: I know you have quite a reputation with the ladies, Mr. Friskie Two-Times.
- Puss in Boots: I've also been known as the... Furry Lover! But that was before I met you.
- Kitty Softpaws: You don't know me, Puss.
- Townperson #1: It's him. Puss In Boots.
- Townperson #2: He saved us from the giant goose!
- Townperson #3: His sword is like lightning!
- Townperson #4: They say he has ten lives.
- Townperson #5: His boots are made of the finest Corinthian leather.
- Townperson #6: He only drinks whole milk.
- Puss in Boots: Good leche.
- Kitty Softpaws: I was just a stray; but, I had beautiful claws. One day, a really nice couple took me in. Gave me milk every morning. Loved me. Maybe I scratched their curtains or played too rough with the hamster. I don't know why they did it. But they took my claws.
- Puss in Boots: Cat people are crazy.
- Jack: Once we're done with this magic bean business and got ourselves all them beautiful golden eggs...
- Jill: Mm-hm, go on.
- Jack: That we cut down on some of the hijacking and murdering. I mean, it's fun and all, but, uh, I want a baby.
- Jill: A baby what, Jack?
- Jack: A baby us, Jill. We'll raise it wild, like a squirrel or something
- Puss in Boots: It was a year in which the rain had not fallen. The wind was big and the basket was small. For days, I bounced along, a hungry little kitten with no milk, no mama, and no litter box.
- Humpty Dumpty: What's your name? You don't say much, do you? I think I'll call you Sparky. Whiskers? Zoltar! How about Puss?
- Puss in Boots: I smell something familiar. Something - dangerous. Something - breakfasty.
- Humpty Dumpty: It's been a long time, brother.
- Puss in Boots: Maldito huevo.
- Puss in Boots: There is one teeny, tiny, itty-bitty problem.
- Kitty Softpaws: And what is that?
- Puss in Boots: You work for the egg!
- Kitty Softpaws: Oh, come on, Puss.
- Humpty Dumpty: I'm cracked! We got red beans, green beans, coffee beans, lima beans, but, no magic beans.
- Puss in Boots: Would you care for a jelly bean?
- Puss in Boots: This is the story of a cat who became a hero. An outlaw dedicated to justice. And a lover of beautiful women. A great, great lover.
- Kitty Softpaws: Humpty, you're not wearing underwear!
- Humpty Dumpty: Eh, what? Are you embarrassed? I'm not.