- [Darrius Sayle is on a large TV screen in the MI6 Headquarters, giving an interview to the BBC]
- Alan Blunt: [pauses the video and stands up] We don't trust him.
- Alex Rider: Why not?
- Alan Blunt: Well, we don't trust anyone. It's sort of what we do.
- [Alex dings a Xylophone]
- Mr. Smithers: Don't do that!
- Alex Rider: Why, is it dangerous?
- Mr. Smithers: No, it's very annoying.
- Jack Starbright: I met the most amazing guy at the fish market today.
- [Alex, who's heard this MANY times before, sighs and rolls his eyes]
- Jack Starbright: Know what the problem with this country is, though? Every good-looking guy is either gay or married. Except for you, but you're too young.
- [re: his Physalia Physalis]
- Darrius Sayle: She sort of reminds me of myself.
- Alex Rider: It's 99 percent water, no brains and no anus.
- [pause]
- Darrius Sayle: [laughing] You know, I think I'm gonna get to like you.
- Darrius Sayle: Darrius Smell. That's what they called me. You know why?
- Alex Rider: Because you didn't wash?
- [Sayle's security guard faces off with Alex. Alex bows. The guard returns the bow - and Alex kicks him in the crotch]
- Alex Rider: Schoolboy trick.
- [after one of the canisters crashes to the ground]
- Clumsy Guard: Sorry. I won't do that again.
- Yassen Gregorovich: No, you won't.
- [shoots him]
- Jack Starbright: [in Japanese] Good day at school?
- Alex Rider: [in Japanese] Why are we speaking Japanese?
- Jack Starbright: [in Japanese] Because we're having a special dinner... sushi.
- Alex Rider: You're gonna kill thousands of innocent people.
- Darrius Sayle: Oh, no, of course not. I'm gonna kill millions.
- Alex Rider: Well, if this is how you treat the winner, I'd hate to see what happened to the runner-up.
- Alex Rider: This doesn't change anything. You killed my uncle. You're still my enemy.
- Yassen Gregorovich: I have a lot of enemies.
- Alex Rider: This isn't over.
- Yassen Gregorovich: Yes, Alex, it is. Go back to school. You don't belong to the same world as me. You should forget about me.
- Alex Rider: I'll never forget you.
- Yassen Gregorovich: Ah, it's your choice.
- Alan Blunt: We want you to work for us.
- Alex Rider: You're not being serious?
- Alan Blunt: Actually, it's not my habit to make jokes.
- Alex Rider: Well, you're making one now. I don't want to be a spy. In case you haven't noticed, I'm still at school.
- Alex Rider: Mr. Grin?
- [silence]
- Alex Rider: Mr. Grin!
- [silence]
- Alex Rider: All right, Mr. Grin, I want you to fly me to London as fast as you can!
- [Mr. Grin turns the helicopter sharply]
- Nadia Vole: You are the first child to experience the power, the world domination, of the Stormbreaker. This model has already been loaded with highly-developed programs for all aspects of the school curricula. Please
- Alex Rider: Does it have pinball?
- Nadia Vole: There is no pinballs!
- [finding two men loading a van]
- Jack Starbright: Hey, that's Ian's stuff!
- Slater: Harry!
- Jack Starbright: What the heck are you doing?
- [last lines]
- Sabina Pleasure: Are you really a spy?
- Alex Rider: No.
- Sabina Pleasure: That's not what they told me.
- Alex Rider: No, I'm not a spy. And it won't happen again.
- Sabina Pleasure: No?
- Alex Rider: No. I'm just me.
- [first lines]
- Teacher: Settle down, everybody. Quiet, Please... Mobile phones off. Thank you very much.
- Alex Rider: Where's he going?
- Jack Starbright: To some remote and faraway land, where no one will ever find him, like Paraguay... or Iowa.
- Alex Rider: My uncle always wore a seat-belt, Mr. Blunt. He was a very careful man.
- Alan Blunt: Not careful enough.
- Ian Rider: Yeah, look, I'll be back in time for dinner, whatever it is that Jack's cooked up, and then we've got the whole weekend.
- Alex Rider: Really?
- Ian Rider: Oh, come on. When did I ever let you down?
- Alex Rider: Do you really want me to answer that?
- Army Major: Cuts, bruises, fractured limbs. It's a miracle no one was killed.
- Alan Blunt: Well, I'm very sorry, Major. We will be talking to our man. Boy.
- Army Major: He's no child, Mr. Blunt.
- [as he leaves]
- Army Major: He's a lethal weapon.
- Alan Blunt: [to Mrs. Jones] He's ready.