Brian Presley: Ed

Borderland

Drunk Man in Strip Club: Hey, wait a minute. This is for you. $400. But you already know that. I'm talking to you!
Valeria: Let me go!
[Valeria slaps him]
Drunk Man in Strip Club: Fucking bitch!
Ed: Why don't you chill, man? She's no pro.
Valeria: It's okay. I can handle it. It's okay.
Drunk Man in Strip Club: This dickless faggot more your type, Valeria?
Valeria: Fuck off, Gilberto.
Drunk Man in Strip Club: You think you have the balls for this girl? I ask you something. You deaf?
Ed: What the fuck's your problem, man?
Ed: [pulls out a knife and cuts Ed] oh shit!
[Valeria gets a bat and hits Drunk Man in the head and knocks him out]
Valeria: [Valeria now tends to Ed's wound in the back of the bar] That was pretty stupid. At least now you have a great story to tell your friends.
Ed: What? That I got my ass kicked?
Valeria: No. How you came to the aid of a poor and defenseless woman.
Ed: Yeah, right. If it ever gets boring around here, you could bat cleanup for the Astros.
Valeria: You know, my ex-husband, he hated the fact that I could handle myself.
Ed: Let me guess. That's why he's your ex.
Valeria: I left him and I moved here to Manzanita.
Ed: Can I buy you a drink later?
Valeria: So you're not afraid of strong woman?
Ed: Only if she's not swinging a bat at me.

Henry: [lites two cigarettes in his mouth and puts one in Ed's mouth,who is sleeping with his mouth open] Rise and shine, faggot! Wharton, motherfucker, Wharton! Whoop-whoop, Wharton!
Ed: [coughing from the cigarette] You're gonna be the first dealer on your block with an MBA.
Henry: Yeah, fuck all that, man. I'm getting out of pharmaceuticals. Human cloning is about to explode, dude. Keep everything offshore, do your marketing on the Internet.
Ed: Promise me you won't clone yourself.
Henry: You know, when you get out of Stanford, man, I could use you on my team. What do you say? Feel like been a rich son of a bitch?
Ed: Is that really the best we can do?
Henry: What? Get rich?
Ed: Yeah.
Henry: We could do worse.

Henry: [in a fake preaching voice] Imagine a land, if you will, where a man can be a man. A land where he can indulge in all those animal urges, far from the petty judgments of parents and teachers and less-enlightened peers. A land where he can ride the demon!
Phil: Yeah!
Henry: Behave bad!
Phil: Bad!
Henry: Whatever he goddamn well pleases,and no one gives a shit, including the cops.
Phil: Tell it, Brother Henry!
Henry: I'm talking real freedom, my friend!
Phil: Real freedom!
Henry: Not this overregulated bullshit that passes for liberty in our country.
Phil: Hell, no!
Phil: !Vamonos a la frontera!
[Let's go to the border!]
Phil: Arriba Mexico!
Henry: We leave right now, we hit Manzanita right about the time the strip joints open.
Phil: I'm gonna get laid.
Henry: You're kidding? I finally convinced our upstanding minister's son to get his cherry popped.
Phil: Pop!
Ed: Let's pray he doesn't contract an STD.
Henry: Worrywart.
Ed: [opens his wallet and hands Phil some condoms] Fellas, say hello to the senoritas for me.
Henry: Come on. man. You're not gonna hang around here. All right? All the poonsies are hooked up or singing "Kumbaya" with the art fags.
Ed: Any other time. I'm there, all right? I just have a lot on my mind.
Henry: You want a Zoloft, man? I think I got one.
Ed: I just wanna chill.
Henry: Chill when you're dead, man. As your "personal physician", I insist you put that big brain of yours to rest and go a little nuts, okay, for once.