Tress MacNeille credited as playing...
Booberella • Sweet Old Lady • Colin • Agnes Skinner • Nelson's Mother • Pig • Crazy Cat Lady • Female EPA Worker • G.P.S. Woman • Cookie Kwan • Lindsey Naegle • TV Son • Medicine Woman • Girl on Phone
- Colin: I'm Colin.
- Lisa Simpson: I haven't seen you at school
- Colin: Just moved from Ireland. My dad's a musician.
- Lisa Simpson: Is he...?
- Colin: He's not Bono.
- Lisa Simpson: I just thought because you're Irish and you care about...
- Colin: He's NOT Bono.
- Homer Simpson: [Pig nudges the plank the Simpsons are using to escape] No, Plopper. If you push that, daddy will die.
- Pig: [looks at Homer and pushes plank] Oink.
- Tom Hanks: [voiceover in TV ad] Are you tired of the same old Grand Canyon?
- TV Dad: [bored] Here we are kids. The Grand Canyon.
- TV Daughter: Oh, it's so old and boring! I want a new one, *now!*
- Tom Hanks: [appears from behind bush] Hello. I'm Tom Hanks. The US Government has lost its credibility, so it's borrowing some of mine.
- TV Son: Tussle my hair, Mr. Hanks!
- Tom Hanks: Sure thing, son.
- [laughs as he does so. Stars come out of the boy's hair. He then smiles in wonder]
- Tom Hanks: Now, I'm pleased to tell you about the new Grand Canyon.
- [shot changes to that of a smouldering crater]
- Tom Hanks: Coming this weekend! It's east of Shelbyville and south of Capital City.
- Marge Simpson: [watching ad] That's where Springfield is!
- Tom Hanks: It's nowhere near where anything is or ever was. This is Tom Hanks saying, if you're gonna pick a government to trust, why not this one?
- Girl on Phone: You hang up first.
- Boy on Phone: No, you hang up first.
- Girl on Phone: Okay.
- [hangs up]
- Boy on Phone: What the-? She hung up on me!
- Martin: [walks up to bullies, picks up wooden board] I've been taking your crap all my life!
- [beats the bullies in one swipe]
- Dolph, Jimbo Jones, Kearney: Uggghh!
- Martin: Whoo! This feels good! No wonder you do it.
- Helen Lovejoy: [having a "Book Club" with women] Okay, let's discuss "Tuesdays with Morrie."
- Cookie Kwan: Again? If we don't get a new book, I'm gonna puke.
- Lindsey Naegle: You're the five people I'm going to meet in hell!
- [throws a book at Helen, barely missing her, ending up going through the window instead]
- Lisa Simpson: [Knocks on door] Hello, sorry to bother you on a Sunday , but I'm sure you're as worried about the pollution in Lake Springfield as I am...
- [Door slams, Lisa knocks at the next house]
- Lisa Simpson: Lake Springfield has higher levels of mercury than even...
- [Door slams, Lisa knocks at the next door]
- Sweet Old Lady: Why, it's the little girl who saved my cat.
- Lisa Simpson: Lake Springfield...
- [Door slams]
- Lisa Simpson: Oh.
- Medicine Woman: Homer Simpson. do you know why you are here?
- Homer Simpson: because my family cares more about other people then they do about me.
- Medicine Woman: drink this liquid.
- Homer Simpson: AHHHhHHHHHHHH more please.
- Medicine Woman: now we will cleanse you spirit my the ancient Inuit art of throat singing.
- Homer Simpson: throat singing?
- Medicine Woman: AAAA OOO OOO OOO AAAA
- Homer Simpson: hoooo ahhh hoo ah hoo ah
- Homer Simpson: how long we doing this?
- Medicine Woman: until you. have an epiphany.
- Homer Simpson: ok?
- Medicine Woman: OOOOOOOHHHH OOOHHH OOHHH
- Homer Simpson: whats an epiphany?
- Medicine Woman: sudden realizing, of great truth.
- Homer Simpson: ok.