Harry Shearer credited as playing...
Scratchy • Mr. Burns • Rev. Lovejoy • Ned Flanders • Lenny • Skull • President Arnold Schwarzenegger • Kent Brockman • Principal Skinner • Dr. Hibbert • Smithers • Toll Booth Man • Guard • Otto • Kang
- Russ Cargill: Anyone can pick something when they know what it is; It takes real leadership to pick something you're clueless about.
- President Schwarzenegger: Ok, I pick 3!
- Russ Cargill: Try again.
- President Schwarzenegger: 1!
- Russ Cargill: Go higher.
- President Schwarzenegger: 5?
- Russ Cargill: Too high.
- President Schwarzenegger: 3?
- Russ Cargill: You already said 3.
- President Schwarzenegger: 6?
- Russ Cargill: There is no 6.
- President Schwarzenegger: 2?
- Russ Cargill: Double it.
- President Schwarzenegger: 4!
- Russ Cargill: As you wish, sir.
- Russ Cargill: [enters the Oval Office] President Schawarzenegger.
- President Schwarzenegger: Ja. That is me.
- Russ Cargill: The pollution in Springfield has reached crisis levels.
- President Schwarzenegger: Ach! Everything is "crisis this" and "end-of-the-world that"! No one opens with a joke! I miss Danny DeVito.
- Russ Cargill: You like jokes, huh? Well, stop me if you've heard this one.
- [holds up cage with the mutant squirrel]
- President Schwarzenegger: [gasp] Look at all those angry eyes and pointy teeth! It's like Christmas at the Kennedy Compound!
- Russ Cargill: Mr. President, you chose me, Russ Cargill, most successful man in America, to head the EPA, the least successful government agency. Why did I take the job? Because I'm just a rich guy who wants to kick some ass for good old Mother Earth. I want to give something back. Not the money, but something. That's why I've narrowed your choices down to five unthinkable options.
- [spreads the files on the President's desk]
- Russ Cargill: Each one will cause untold misery and...
- President Schwarzenegger: [points to File #3] I pick Number Three!
- Russ Cargill: Really? You don't want to read them first?
- President Schwarzenegger: I was elected to *lead*, not to *read*. Number Three!
- Ned Flanders: Ok, boys, when you meet Jesus, be sure to call Him Mr. Christ.
- Todd Flanders: Will Buddha be there?
- Ned Flanders: No.
- Ned Flanders: Thank you, Lord, for this bountiful...
- [screams as Bart is plastered, naked against the window of the restaurant]
- Ned Flanders: PENIS!
- Rod Flanders, Todd Flanders: [devoutly] ... bountiful penis.
- Todd Flanders: Amen.
- Bart Simpson: You know, we are on the roof. We could have some fun.
- Homer Simpson: What kind of fun?
- Bart Simpson: How bout a dare contest?
- Homer Simpson: That sounds fun. I dare you to... climb the T.V. antennae.
- Bart Simpson: [Bart climbs it easily] Piece of cake.
- Homer Simpson: [starts shaking the antennae] Earthquake!
- [Bart falls off and hangs onto the railing]
- Homer Simpson: [starts shaking the railing] Aftershock!
- Ned Flanders: Uh, Homer, I don't mean to be a nervis-pervis or anything, but if he falls, couldn't that make your boy a parapleg-a-rino?
- Homer Simpson: Shut up, Flanders!
- Bart Simpson: Yeah, shut up, Flanders!
- Homer Simpson: Well said, boy.
- Ned Flanders: The Good Lord is telling me to confess to something...
- Homer Simpson: [whispering hopefully, with his fingers crossed] Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay...
- Toll Booth Man: Welcome to Alaska. Here's a thousand dollars.
- Homer Simpson: Well, it's about time! But why?
- Toll Booth Man: We pay every resident a thousand dollars to allow the oil companies to ravage our state's natural beauty.
- Homer Simpson: [hugs toll booth man] I'm home!
- Ned Flanders: Bart! Crawl across. Hurry.
- Bart Simpson: But if they see you helping us, they'll kill you.
- Ned Flanders: I'm sure your father would do the same for...
- [Bart just stares at him]
- Ned Flanders: Point taken. Now, hustle your bustles.
- Montgomery Burns: [during credits] Smithers... I don't believe in suicide, but if you'd like to try it, it might cheer me up to watch.
- Montgomery Burns: So, you want some of my electricity, do you? Well, for once, the rich, white man is in control. I have two buttons behind my desk. One will provide your town with power, the other releases the hounds. Reach me. Make me your brother.
- Dr. Hibbert: The hospital's generator is about to give out. Lives will be lost.
- Montgomery Burns: [writing down] Lives... lost. Go on.
- Chief Wiggum: We have a convict we're gonna fry tomorrow, but now we can't.
- Montgomery Burns: Tempting, tempting...
- Apu: Look, all of our reasons mean nothing. Just look inside your heart and you will find the answer.
- [Smithers waves frantically and shakes his head no; cut to outside of mansion as screaming and barking is heard inside]
- Apu: Aaah!
- Montgomery Burns: First door on the right.
- Apu: Thank you.
- Dr. Hibbert, Chief Wiggum, Apu: [as they run out chased by dogs] Aaah!
- Mayor Quimby: I hereby declare a state of emergency: Code Black.
- Lenny: Black? That's the worst color there is.
- [Lenny turns to Carl, his black friend]
- Lenny: No offense there, Carl.
- Carl: I get it all the time.
- [first lines]
- Scratchy: [having just landed on the Moon] We come in peace for cats and mice everywhere.
- [Itchy impales and beats Scratchy with flag pole]
- Lisa Simpson: Our crisis level will be here.
- Lenny: That's not so bad.
- Lisa Simpson: No, this forklift is messed up.
- [the forklift goes crazy until it is back to normal]
- Lisa Simpson: Am I getting through to anyone?
- Krusty the Clown: Hell yeah, we need a new one of those things!
- [the police have just found Homer's pig crap silo, which is marked "Return to Homer Simpson"]
- Kent Brockman: Now, Channel 6 does not endorse vigilante violence. Unless it gets results... which it *will*.
- [a picture of Homer appears in the upper-right hand corner]
- News Text: [flashing] GET HIM!
- Kent Brockman: Kent Brockman here reporting on a crisis so serious it has its own name and theme music.
- [graphic shows the domed Springfield on a styrofoam cup labeled "Trappuccino" as ominous music plays]
- Kent Brockman: The dome has put an end to life as we know it. The town is running low on supplies of everything from gasoline to Botox.
- [Kent's face droops]
- Kent Brockman: Moment, please.
- [clips skin on back of neck]
- Kent Brockman: And, as always, we end our broadcast with news on the lighter side.
- [the words "The Lighter Side" appear on the same small screen as the Trappuccino graphic did]
- Kent Brockman: It's the time of year when the swallows return to Springfield.
- [cut to swallows crashing into dome, as hungry cats await below]
- Homer Simpson: [noticing a glow] Uh, what's that ominous glow in the distance?
- Angry Mob: [wielding torches] Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill...
- Homer Simpson: [looking out the window] Marge, look! Those idiots don't even know where we *live*!
- Angry Mob: [looking round, seeing Homer] Kill, kill, kill, kill...
- Homer Simpson: D'oh!
- Russ Cargill: My name is Russ Cargill and I'm the head of the EPA.
- Moe: The what?
- Russ Cargill: Environmental Protection Agency.
- Lenny: Come again?
- Russ Cargill: Look, I'm a man on a big TV. Just listen.
- Kent Brockman: [At Moe's Tavern, the bar patrons and Moe look at the television when the power goes out] Day 37 under the dome. We are facing intermittent power failures which...
- Moe: [the lights come back on, all the booze has been stolen off the shelves and the patrons have disappeared] Okay, very funny. I'm gonna turn the lights off again. When they come back on, I want all my booze back the way it was.
- [switches light off, then turns it back and sees that all of his other necessities including his clothing have been looted. He's only in his underwear]
- Moe: Yeah, okay. Okay...
- Ned Flanders: Look at that, you can see the four states that border Springfield: Ohio, Nevada, Maine, and Kentucky!
- Bart Simpson: Oh yeah.
- Todd Flanders: I wish Homer was my father.
- Ned Flanders: ...and I wish you didn't have the devil's curly hair.