- Queer Duck: Well, if you're mixing drinks, I'd like a slow comfortable screw up against the wall of a bus station in Passaic, New Jersey.
- Queer Duck: It's just rum.
- Queer Duck: [tied to a beam] You know, for a heterosexual, you tie really good knots.
- Reverend Vandergelding: [flattered] aww, you!
- Openly Gator: We need some sort of superpowers to help save Queer Duck. Do you guys have any?
- Rosie O'Donnell: I can honestly say I haven't.
- Openly Gator: Me neither.
- Bi-Polar Bear: I have one. I can crack a walnut with my butt.
- [both Openly Gator and Oscar Wildcat are left speechless, so is Peccary]
- Queer Duck: We have an awful future ahead of us.
- Openly Gator: What are you saying? Have you met someone else?
- Queer Duck: No! No, no, no, no, no!
- Lola Buzzard: [suddenly grabs him and pulls his head to her chest] Darling!
- Queer Duck: Well, kind of.
- Reverend Vandergelding: [after forcing Queer Duck to drink a potion that will turn him straight] Could it be? What do you think of Cameron Diaz?
- Queer Duck: [in a masculine voice] She's hot.
- Reverend Vandergelding: Camryn Manheim?
- Queer Duck: She's hot.
- Reverend Vandergelding: Sister Wendy?
- [shows a picture of an ugly old nun]
- Queer Duck: [scratches his chin] I'd do her.
- Reverend Vandergelding: SUCCESS!
- Reverend Vandergelding: So, how did you finally tell them you were gay?
- Queer Duck: Oh, well, that's an interesting story. It all goes back to those crazy, turbulent, fabulous seventies...
- [music starts]
- Reverend Vandergelding: Wait a minute...
- [music stops]
- Reverend Vandergelding: Is this going to be a musical number? I'm mean, what is it with you people and musical numbers?
- Queer Duck: Just sit back and enjoy it!
- Lola Buzzard: [after getting a Jellyfish off her] What do you think of my new look?
- Queer Duck: You look like The Joker.
- Lola Buzzard: I was going for it. Quick, say something to make me frown again.
- Queer Duck: Bush is running for a third term.
- Lola Buzzard: Christ! The country's ruined.
- Openly Gator: You can't change who you are!
- Queer Duck: Well, sometimes I wish I could. Don't you?
- Openly Gator: No. I am a gay man, like my father and his father before him. Now get some sleep.
- Queer Duck: [while being forced to drink a potion] No, stop! Tastes like Snapple! God, I wish I had my gag reflex back!
- Queer Duck: [in a dream sequence about when they're old and still together] Openly Gator. Where the hell is my dinner?
- Openly Gator: Oh, here!
- Queer Duck: [screams when he sees a dead rat on the plate] Why do we keep ordering from that Thai place?