- Pastor Arthur Mitchell: Actually, your honor, we have a lot of witnesses here that are willing to testify to a lot of things... like embezzlement.
- Tianna: Misappropriation of funds.
- Sister Doris: Falsifying documents.
- Rickey: Not to mention, wearing an easter suit with a halloween shirt and tie set!
- Durell: Promise me somethin. Promise me you'll be better than me.
- Durell Jr.: OK. You promise me somethin. Promise me you won't let mom take me to Atlanta. Please
- Officer Eddie King: Did it look like he was winkin at us?
- Officer D'Agostino: [shrugs] He is the choir director.
- Sister Doris: Do you like birthday parties, Leonard... I mean, LeeJohn?
- LeeJohn: I don't know. I never had one.
- Sister Doris: You never had a birthday party?
- LeeJohn: When they took me to my foster home, they lost my birth certificate. So, nobody never knew when my birthday was.
- Sister Doris: Aww... I know when it is.
- LeeJohn: You do? When?
- Sister Doris: Today!
- Durell: You need to worry about getting your hair burnt.
- Omunique's Client: You need to be worrying about burning yourself out a job.
- Judge B. Bennet Galloway: Mr. Jackson, six months ago you were caught shoplifting at a Stop 'N Shop, with a box full of Ding Dongs and a six pack of Banana Strawberry Boone's Farm.
- LeeJohn: Uh, your honor, it was Goober Grape.
- Judge B. Bennet Galloway: When the arresting officer searched you, he found a twenty dollar bill in your pocket. Why didn't you just pay for it?
- LeeJohn: Because this dude named Bo-Peep was on my ass about twenty dollars and I...