Leslie Phillips credited as playing...
Ian
- Ian: How's Valerie?
- Maurice: Phoning my continuously with complaints.
- Ian: You're her husband.
- Maurice: Am I?
- Ian: Yeah. You did one of your runners, if you remember.
- Maurice: Did I? But I never wanted to be independent.
- Ian: I love it.
- Maurice: I am about to die and I know nothing about myself.
- Ian: You have been loved, though, Maurice. You've been adored.
- Maurice: Yes. And so have you, Ian, a little bit. Except you didn't always notice it.
- Maurice: [Maurice is clipping Ian's toenail] Keep still. It's not surgery.
- Ian: I don't trust you.
- Maurice: [clips the nail] Got it! A palpable hit!
- Ian: But where has the little fucker gone?
- Maurice: Who cares? It's free now.
- Ian: I can't have my home scattered with toenails.
- Maurice: Oh, God. I'll have to get my other glasses.
- Ian: They're around your fucking neck.
- Maurice: Oh. Thank you.
- [puts glasses on, begins to search]
- Maurice: Where's that bastard toenail? Ha! There's the little fucker!