Lisa Kudrow: Phoebe Buffay

The One with Ross's Inappropriate Song

Phoebe Buffay

Rachel Greene: Take it from me. Mothers love me. Ross' mom actually said that I'm like the daughter that she never had.
Monica Geller-Bing: She said WHAT?
Phoebe Buffay: That she's like the daughter that she never had. Listen.
[Monica looks at Phoebe angrily]

[after Phoebe punches Mike's father]
Mike Hannigan: [shocked] Did you just hit my dad?
Phoebe Buffay: [smiles] Yes. I'm sorry; I've never met a boyfriend's parents before.
Mike Hannigan: But you have met humans before, right?

Phoebe Buffay: [about Mike] I think you'd also like to know that he is a very gentle lover.
Bitsy Hannigan: Excuse me?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, no, no, no, no. Don't get me wrong. Not in a sissy way. No, when he get's going, he can rattle a headboard like a sailor on leave!
Bitsy Hannigan: That's my boy!

Phoebe: Hi.
Monica, Rachel: Hey!
Phoebe: Listen - you have to help me pick a dress, 'cause I'm meeting Mike's parents tonight!
Monica: Wow - the boyfriend's parents; that's a big step.
Phoebe: [sarcastically] Really? That hadn't occurred to me.
Monica: Sweetie, they're gonna love you. Just be yourself.
Phoebe: They live on the Upper East Side on Park Avenue!
Rachel: Oh, yeah - she can't be herself...
Phoebe: Alright - so, which dress?
[shows them two dresses]
Phoebe: [they don't comment for a few seconds] ... You can say neither.
Monica, Rachel: Oh, god - neither!
Monica: I'm sorry, honey - we're gonna take you shopping; it's gonna be fine.
Rachel: Yeah, totally - you are in such good hands, and I am so good with meeting parents. With the father, you know, you wanna flirt a little bit - but not in a gross way. Just kind of, like, "Oh, Mr. Pinser! I can see where Wallace gets his good looks from."
Monica: You went out with Wallace Pinser?
Rachel: Ah, he took the SATs for me.
Monica: I knew you didn't get a 1400!
Rachel: [scoffs] Well, duh!