- Rob 'Milli Vanilli' Pilatus: I want to be Vanilli.
- Fab 'Milli Vanilli' Morvan: No, you can't be Vanilli.
- Rob 'Milli Vanilli' Pilatus: I am always Vanilli.
- Fab 'Milli Vanilli' Morvan: No, but you can't be Vanilli two days straight.
- Rob 'Milli Vanilli' Pilatus: Why not?
- Fab 'Milli Vanilli' Morvan: Because, you are Germany, and I am from French.
- Rob 'Milli Vanilli' Pilatus: Ohhhh. Now I get it.
- Rob 'Milli Vanilli' Pilatus, Fab 'Milli Vanilli' Morvan: Makes sense to me.
- [director holds slate in front of the duo]
- Director: Milli Vanilli commercial, take 1.
- Rob 'Milli Vanilli' Pilatus: Hello. We are Milli Vanilli. You know, lots of people don't understand the enormous success of Milli Vanilli.
- Fab 'Milli Vanilli' Morvan: And neither do we. But we are here today to tell you that you too can be Milli Vanilli, with lots of positive energy and our new do it yourself at home Milli Vanilli kit.
- [the duo brings out the Milli Vanilli Do It Yourself Kit]
- Rob 'Milli Vanilli' Pilatus: That is right. In just 10 minutes - count them, five, ten - you didn't think I could do that, huh? Ten minutes, you too can look and sound just like Milli Vanilli. Tell them what they get, Vanilli.
- Fab 'Milli Vanilli' Morvan: Well, for only $39.95, you get this.
- [Vanilli pulls out a mop]
- Rob 'Milli Vanilli' Pilatus: Milli Vanilli hair.
- Fab 'Milli Vanilli' Morvan: Very easy to apply. And dye it whatever color you like. Next, you'll get this.
- [Vanilli pulls out a contact lens case]
- Rob 'Milli Vanilli' Pilatus: Milli Vanilli eyes, that will give you...
- Rob 'Milli Vanilli' Pilatus, Fab 'Milli Vanilli' Morvan: Positive energy!
- Rob 'Milli Vanilli' Pilatus: What else?
- Fab 'Milli Vanilli' Morvan: Let's not forget our terrible accents. You'll also get this.
- [Vanilli pulls out some VHS tapes]
- Rob 'Milli Vanilli' Pilatus: That's right. You listen to these cartoon characters. Pepé Le Pew, Boris & Natasha, Elmer Fudd.
- [Milli imitates Elmer Fudd's laugh before the duo puts down the box]
- Rob 'Milli Vanilli' Pilatus: And you're almost ready to be Milli Vanilli.
- Fab 'Milli Vanilli' Morvan: No, but not yet.
- Rob 'Milli Vanilli' Pilatus: No, no.
- Fab 'Milli Vanilli' Morvan: First, you go out and see the latest, hottest, freshest, exciting dances, but don't do them.
- Rob 'Milli Vanilli' Pilatus: No, no, no.
- Rob 'Milli Vanilli' Pilatus, Fab 'Milli Vanilli' Morvan: Do this instead.
- [the duo wave their arms left and right]
- Fab 'Milli Vanilli' Morvan: Now you are doing Milli Vanilli.
- Rob 'Milli Vanilli' Pilatus: So get a friend.
- Fab 'Milli Vanilli' Morvan: Because it takes two jerks to be Milli Vanilli.
- Rob 'Milli Vanilli' Pilatus: And remember...
- Rob 'Milli Vanilli' Pilatus, Fab 'Milli Vanilli' Morvan: Don't forget our number!
- Fab 'Milli Vanilli' Morvan: So act now because we are almost out of style!
- [the duo step back and chest bump each other]